Monday, November 29, 2004


Hang Up and Live

Well I'm back, and I don't even want to try to catch up, so I'm just going to jump right into the week headfirst, and assume that the weekend was as dull and uneventful as most weekends are. Nothing spectacular in the news today, the world isn't going up in smoke yet, and it's almost 2005, and we still haven't seen terrorists set off a nuke anywhere in the world. God help us if I'm speaking to soon. While we're on the subject of bombs, we might as well mention the little potential bomb we all own. In fact you may be talking on it right now, but probably not because you are reading an obscure blog located in my little corner of the internet, and it's hard to do both at the same time. Anyway, Cell Phones have been exploding in people's faces at an alarming rate lately. Well, actually, the rate is not that alarming, considering that it is "extraordinarily rare" from a statistical standpoint. But the point is that cell phones can explode. Now, I've had 9V batteries go off in my pocket before, and my Microsoft Intellipoint Mouse has exploded while I was using it. I had to send it in to get it replaced, and the one they gave me exploded twice, but it still works. It's actually the batteries that explode when they get overloaded, and apparently the same is true for the cell phones. Don't work your batteries to hard and you should be fine. However, I'm not an expert, so please don't take that as good advice based in any formal knowledge of anything. My point simply is... hang on... yep, Exploding Cell Phone Battery A.D.D.. I guess I won't be able to make my point after all. I'm gonna grab a slice of chocolate cake instead.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Happy Thanksgiving

You'll never know what you'll find when perusing PETA's website. Here is an unbelievable, indescribable story that was linked to from PETA's homepage. It's about a turkey named Adam (Wait a minute that's my name), who was found by a turkey thief along Highway 99 in CA. (Hey, I travel on a large portion of the 99 all the time between school and home!). The story can only be described as heart-wrenching. Take this clip for example:

Adam was living with Dana (Whoa, that's my sister's name; my only sibling...), an outspoken broiler chicken, for a couple weeks before his true love arrived. On an early Sunday morning, Adam was introduced to Lady Dee, a graceful yet strong-willed turkey hen. Instantly, the two hit it off.

From perching to dustbathing to slumbering, Adam and Lady Dee did everything together. With Adam in the lead, the two-pack constantly followed me around the house. Adam was always the star; (That's my last name! I think I've got a PETA stalker out there somewhere...) Lady Dee was always the maternal protector.

Needless to say if I meet a girl named Lady Dee, I will turn around and run as fast as I can. But more importantly, this turkey lover chick is nuts! Let's eye the demise of her special fowl friend.

Arriving at home, my housemate said Adam that flown into a wooden chair and broke his neck. In a freak accident, my baby was taken away from me prematurely. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

This gave me a good laugh. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a pancake. She drives all the way out to some obscure farm on the 99 from the bay area. This isn't exactly a short drive, it took her the better part of a day. She "rescues" a stupid turkey from the farm by abducting it and putting it in her house... In the bay area... Where backyards don't really exist... At least not for wackos like this. Anyways she becomes so attatched to this turkey, that she sings lullabye's in it's ear. Now, If you've ever seen a baby turkey, this mental image is comedy enough. Some liberal college chick cuddling this little web of skin and fuzz, singing to it as it stares blankly off into space. The ultimate irony is that this turkey, (fully intelligent and capable of outwitting humans according to PETA), after being "rescued" from the great outdoors of a turkey farm by some crazy person who drove it at least a few hours back to the bay area, ends up stuck in her apartment and meets it's ultimate demise when in an apparent lapse of intelligence, thinks it can fly and ends up breaking it's neck on a wooden chair. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That's funny, I don't care who you are. Back at home on the farm, at least it had a shot of being one of those nice turkey dinners that churches donate to the homeless about once a year around thanksgiving. Now, it's just dead in your living room. Way to go you animal loving freak. You took food right out of the mouths of hungry children, literally walked up to them and grabbed the delicious turkey out from between their teeth, and now your pet turkey is dead. Hahahahahahahahaha. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, I think I'll have a delicious turkey. I'll take seconds, in rememberance of Adam, who could have been so delcious, but led an otherwise pointless life.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


News Anchor A.D.D.

So Dan finally called it quits eh? That's too bad, I'm gonna miss his newscast. Not that I have ever watched his nightly news program, or I even catch 60 minutes very often, but nonetheless his absence will leave a hole in our hearts, and in our slams on the accuracy of CBS News. Brokaw is taking off next week, leaving Peter Jennings all alone. 10 years ago this kind of situation would have made Jennings giddy at the thought of him being the only one of the big three on the air. But to me, he is still the most irrelevant, and I'm not going to fill that Rather/Brokaw shaped void in my life with his newscast. I guess it's the end of an era in a way. We've got sources allowing other opinions to be broadcasted, and now we can get a lot more news with our bias than ever before. I don't really see the point of putting old men in these nightly news positions. The first network to make Heidi Klum the lead anchor will easily get the ratings they so desire. Have they learned nothing from Fox news? America doesn't look to it's news anchors for authority and respectability anymore. America wants to see young, fetching, cookie-cutting barbie dolls who can read to us what their producers put together. What is society becoming these days if we can't even figure that out.

Monday, November 22, 2004


Monday Stew

I guess alot has happened over the weekend, but I've come down with a bit of a cold, and am finding it hard to pay attention to anything. A whole bunch of NBA players were suspended for attacking fans. If you ask me, they should be banned from the game. At least Artest should be, because he is the one in the video. Seriously, sportsmanship is one of the things we have over Morroco, or whatever stupid countries that can't hold a soccer match without people pummeling each other. I used to think America was beyond this kind of behavior. Oh well, I wasn't planning on going to a Pacers game anytime soon anyway. Trump's casinos are filing for bankruptcy. He's real proud of that. What a great businessman. No seriously, we should all go buy his book and learn how to treat our employees like crap, because it's obviously a winning strategy. Anyway, something boring is going on in Ukraine, a new computer game is being released so we can all take part in the assassination of JFK. Wow, I can't wait to get my hands on that. Thanks Scotland, it's sure to be a hit among delinquents here in America who are tired of killing no-name hookers and pedestrians. Finally we can shoot at a real figurehead. Sure he was born 30 years before anyone who is playing was born, but it'll really piss off Grandpa. Here's another story for those of you getting swept up in the taser craze: It took two shots to get this 14-year old to drop his gameboy. That's dedication, especially since he won't play it anymore after he gets the new DS for Christmas in about a month. Scott Peterson's trial is going into the sentencing phase. I just can't wait, can you? We're under attack by mysterious black triangles. Although I think they're kinda pretty. Shoppers in San Fransico may have to face a new grocery bag tax, and this girl got 21 days because she forgot to turn off her cellphone in court. Other than that, not much has happened over the weekend. Here's a little helpful holiday traveling tip if you happen to be a hot chick. Drive, or take the bus.

Friday, November 19, 2004


Foxy Canadia

Canada decided to let FOX news be available over it's airwaves. That's nice. I don't live in Canada, so I don't really care. It'll be interesting to see how well it does, though. Countries have been known to undergo radical changes the first time they allow the institution of free press. I don't know how much of it is going to pertain to Canada, though. If I were Canadian, I wouldn't really care to watch American pundits yakking about American politics, but that's just me.

Thursday, November 18, 2004


It's Not Racy, You're Just Racist.

I was watching E.S.P.N. and a pinhead sportscaster was griping about how people were offended by the Monday Night Football sketch with Nicolette Sheridan and Terrel Owens. He went on and on about all of the things on Monday Night Football that are suggestive. Upskirt shots of cheerleaders, the women in beer commercials, ads for erectile dysfunction, etc, and how those were offensive too, and nobody was saying anything about it. I was with him on that, until he got to his point. He ended his rant by suggesting that people were only offended because it showed a nude white woman jumping into the arms of an African American. By that, I was at least a little offended. I've never called in to complain aboout anything to the FCC. Call it offended phone caller A.D.D.. But when I sit and watch Monday Night Football with my grandma and great-grandma, it bothers me to have to sit through crap like that before the game turns on. It has nothing to do with race. Somehow, blue state folks always seem to turn to racism, and homophobia as an explanation for the behavior of conservatives. They just do not get it, whatsoever. He was right about one thing, though. On a matter of consistency, complaints should be pouring in over every scantily-clad woman, and any suggestive material in any commerical or skit aired during Monday Night Football. You aren't going to win the battle over the airways by choosing your battles. You have to draw a line, and fight any offender to whatever end. Personally, I will sit this one out. If I'm offended, I'll just turn off the T.V.. That would pretty much solve the problem on my end. For you noble defenders of decency in society, fight the good fight. I'd help but I couldn't hold interest in the matter for very long.


British Ban Fox Hunting

Britain's House of Commons moved to outlaw fox hunting Thursday, winning a dramatic standoff with the House of Lords to ban a popular country sport that is despised by many urbanites. Royal assent to measure, making it law, was expected within hours.

British fox hunters are livid, but foxes all across the country are rejoicing, for now they can lead long, productive, meaningful lives without the fear of being hunted. It's interesting to watch Britain operate. They are a step closer to Socialism than America is, and whatever they do will someday be attempted here. Liberals here are still trying to ban guns. Britain just straight up banned hunting. There is alot that could be said here, if it wasn't for my British House of Commons Tyrranical Policy A.D.D. I know that I'll be rooting for John Jackson, who promises "true civil disobedience," in continuing the sport despite the ban. Only because it would entertain me to see how far Britain goes to protect the stupid foxes, and how far fox hunters will go before taking up another hobby. This could end up being the next Braveheart. "Freeedom!!!" "Foxes!!!" "Aauggh!" *Gruesome battle ensues; cut to baby foxes being squished by British tanks.*

Wednesday, November 17, 2004


Travel Distance Tax?

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Monday appointed a new Department of Motor Vehicles director who has advocated taxing motorists for every mile they drive — by placing tracking devices in their cars.

Welcome to California. Apparently the state isn't making enough money on the gasoline tax, they are wanting to switch to a system where you are taxed for every mile you drive. Instead of taxing the amount of gas you use, they will actually tax the distance you drive. Honestly, I don't know what to think of this. It's a tax, so I hate it, but it's merely replacing another tax, so I guess it depends on whether I save money or not. In a way it makes me laugh. All of these Liberals who love taxes so much have been advocating more fuel efficient vehicles. Now we aren't getting enough money from taxing gasoline, so state officials want to install a GPS tracking device on every vehicle in the state in order to compensate for the effects of the anti-SUV sentiment. It's just like their big push for a ban on cigarrettes which would cut them off of a huge chunk of over-tax revenue. But anyway, I drive alot, but I guess the taxes are paid at the pump anyway. I don't think this is going to lower anyone's taxes. It's just going to prevent their beloved hybrid-car owners from getting any breaks. In other words, the driver of a Toyota Prius has to pay just as much of a travel tax as the guy driving the new International CXT. Hmm, I could actually see myself supporting an idea like this. If only it wasn't a tax. If they switch it from a tax to a fee, and it doesn't cost me as much to drive up and down the state, I might be in on this. I'm not cool with the idea of charging more taxes for freeway use, or for use of busier streets. That would just clog up side streets, and make problem areas out of places that aren't built to handle high-volume traffic.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


My Screen Door Theory

Why is it that education seems to make people more Liberal? Do the educated know something that the rest of the populace doesn't? Obviously they do, because they are educated, which would leave some to believe that Conservatives are the ignorant ones. This didn't make sense to me, because it's clear that Liberals are so wrong, so often. So what's the deal? Here it is as I see it. When you go for your higher education, you are taught to have an open mind. You learn to reason the other side of a debate, and realize that nothing is black and white. It's all relative. Now, I'm all for opening the door to my mind, but I do make sure that the screen door is shut at all times. This special door filters out all of the bogus nonesense that is being fed to us everyday, especially in settings where we are prepared to be enlightened. This door is constructed out of heavy duty morality, and extra-strength common sense, and keeps my open mind from being infested with wild ideas that don't make any sense. Those who recieve higher education, unfortunately, think that achieving a higher education means opening both doors to your mind, and abondoning things like common sense and morality. This is why uneducated conservatives scratch their heads as those who have spent so much money on their college education seem to have taken a step backwards, questioning what is and isn't a sexual organ, whether it's right or wrong to kill babies, etc. These modern-day sophists may have gotten a pricy education, but as Socrates puts it: Immorality equals Ignorance.

Here is a good example of this screen door theory. Over the weekend I got into a debate with a friend of mine after he said that "Terrorism isn't always wrong." I couldn't believe it. Now, he doesn't support terrorism, and he could not cite one example in history where this is the case. All he had was a hypothetical situation involving a hospital, and some vague circumstances. He said the bottom line is that it isn't black and white, and we have to keep an open mind. It's Terrorism! I'd like to think that if we could agree on anything being black and white, it'd be terrorism! But alas, upon the death of Yasser Arafat we have had world leaders, and left wingers praising him has a peacemaker, and a good leader. He was a terrorist, people. In fact he was the father of modern terrorism. What are we doing? Why are so many people in Liberal circles coming out in support for the Palestinians who use car bombs, and strap bombs around their chests to explode them on busses? I don't think people in this country support terrorist attacks on innocent people. It just looks that way to the rest of us, who have our screen doors firmly in place. We can have an open mind about terrorism. We can learn how terrorists operate, what makes them tick, why they want to blow themselves up, etc. But as soon as we start sympathizing with them, it's over. So next time you see some pea-brained liberal on TV preaching the virtues of having an open mind about anything and everything, remember that there are two doors to your mind. One should stay open to let the rain of knowledge flood your mind. The other should stay closed, to keep all the junk out. Wow, I wrote way too much about this. Normally I'd feel like inserting a sarcastic remark about Simon and Scheuster, and publishing rights, but this post is way too long already.

Monday, November 15, 2004



Ebay is set to ban "racially derrogative" search terms from being used in auction listings. So I guess if you were planning on selling a used copy of Nigger, by Dick Gregory, then you may need to find somewhere else to do so. Is anyone surprised by this? This is another example of corporations limiting free speech in order to look better in the eyes of the public, especially minorities who seem to seek out opportunities to get their feelings hurt. What is this world coming to? Welcome to America. It's called Capitalism, and it's a beautiful thing. If EBay wants to prevent you from putting racial slurs among your search terms, then they can do that, because it is their website. It's not hard to do, it gets them in newspapers and various internet blogs, and it's a great public relations move, boosting their respect among people who don't like racists. Still, even grocery shopping gets incredibly excrutiating when your being forced to listen to a recording of a woman talking down to grocery shoppers about how much the giant grocery chains value minorities, citing various feelgood measures taken by the company on behalf of the warm and friendly tycoons, wherever they may be vacationing. I can only imagine actually being a minority and seething, wishing I could slap the stupid condencending white woman across the face, just to get her to finally shut up. I guess I can understand Ebay's decision. Nice move, you've won more hits for your website. But if that monologue I heard in the grocery store fools very many people, I may start losing faith in Martin Luther King's vision of equality. We've moved from racism to a more covert racial chauvanism, and many people still don't understand what it means to be created equal.



It looks like Bush's cabinet is going through the anticipated changes we were all predicting. Powell just through in the towel, and Rumsfeld left last week, as well as a few no-names that wanted to get in on the action and finally get their names in the newspapers. I kid. Condi looks like she's gonna get bumped up, and I'm not sure who else is going to fill in the other positions. I'll keep you updated if I suddenly grow out of my cabinet positions A.D.D. If not, someone else will tell you, and then you can tell me. I did read that Alberto Gonzoles is going to be Secretary of Defense. So we could easily have a black Secretary of State, and a Mexican Secretary of Defense. Find a Chinese Eskimo to fill Condi's shoes and we'd be all set. Unfortunately all of them are white inside, unlike Clinton's multi-racial, white-skinned lineup. It's not skin color that matters, it's political affiliation. If your a Republican, and your skin isn't white, your a sell-out, and a traitor. But if your a Democrat, you can be John Kerry, and still be accepted as a brother.

Friday, November 12, 2004


Identity Crisis

I don't know what to make of this political party. They are the Libertarion National Socialist Green party, and apparently they are also nazis. My political party A.D.D. prevented me from investigating further, so I can't give you any useful, or even useless, information about them. However I do know it appears to be a very confused political party. The message boards are equally as intriguing as you can discuss topics ranging from human damage to the political ecosystem, burning Bibles, churches, and Christians (you know, the environmentally friendly way), the negative effect of MTV on kids, an American Soviet Empire, "Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion" (?), Brazilian gun laws, Communism relapses in Ukraine, and white power all in the same forum. I guess know would be the best time to browse this site. The confusion of switching defense ministers, whose job is to pour through your library records, might distract the government long enough for you to spend a little time at without to much suspicion being aroused.

Thursday, November 11, 2004


Don't Forget: Liberals are Demons.

I was watching Hannity & Colmes, and Alan Colmes was griping about how Republicans have been very "successful" in demonizing words such as "Liberal" or "diversity." I guess he was attempting to make us feel bad, I'm not sure, but I took it as good news. It means Conservatives have had an impact, and their voice has been heard, and they have actually been able to influence public opinion so much, that it would be acknowledged by a flaming Liberal. I find it funny that Colmes sees it as a tactic, or a strategy Republicans have developed and launched. If these words have been "demonized" as he says it, it's through no efforts of the leaders of the Republican party. The negative stigma is attatched to it by ordinary people across the country as they see what those terms refer to. They see people losing jobs over affirmative action, and the completely condenscending, and insulting treatment of anyone who isn't white, and say "Is this what they mean by diversity?" They see people on TV talking in circles about raising taxes, perverting marriage, and killing babies, and watch newscasters take shots at their president with forged documents and say "Is this what a Liberal does?" Republicans aren't the ones demonizing these terms, Alan, because all the work has already been done for us. This is just another example of your denial of the fact that the Democratic Party does not understand the average American.


We're Behind You.

We thank you, veterans, for your unbelievable service and sacrifice. Our appreciation is sincere, and though we may never understand the consequences of your service to America, we are humbled every time we hear them spoken of. We're humbled that you would risk your life, in more ways than one, to ensure a bright future for ourselves and those who will follow. You stepped up to the plate when our country and our freedom was in jeaprody, and you risked and sustained injuries and memories that will be with you for the rest of your lives. War is never good, and should always be avoided at almost any cost. But when it can't be avoided, and when the time for negotiations, appeasement, and sanctions has passed, you are there to undertake the tremendous responsibility of defending our liberty, and opportunity to live in a safe and free society. From Facism, to Communism, and now Terrorism, you fight hard in other parts of the world so that our own shores don't see the bloodshed. You give so much so that the rest of us slugs can sit back and be fat and happy, all we can say is thanks, from the farthest reaches of our hearts. God Bless our Veterans.


Smile, you're an idiot. :)

Alot of talk has been floating around recently of how to salvage the Democratic party after last week's reality check. Suggestions have been thrown around to make the left leaning party more appealing to an apparently right leaning country. Many have suggested an introspection into what the democratic party believes in. Others would disagree. Meet Jane Smiley, author, columnist, and Liberal fringe wacko. Her advice to the party is to "forget introspection." She writes that "the election results reflect the decision of the right wing to cultivate and exploit ignorance in the citizenry." For those of you who voted for Bush and may not be smart enough to understand what this means, she is saying that you voted the way you do because you are a big dummy. She goes on to explain how you've been brainwashed by religion, and exactly how and why you became as stupid as you are. The process involves religion, which apparently only exists to make you scared of democrats, flattery, and finally, more ignorance. In fact, the whole message in the piece seems to be the Conservatives are mindless drones, controlled by manipulative party leaders. She closes by blaming capitalists, and the Republican party for exploiting religion, ignorance, and racism to achieve power. She describes them as "predatory and resentful, amoral, avaricious, and arrogant." Now I am a dumb conservative, so I only know what two or three of those words really mean, but I can see that with an attitude like that, it's now wonder these people want to move to Canada, where the skies are more, and the all of the birdies sing songs heralding the wonders of Socialism all day long. Smiley's advice is to "react quickly to every outrage—red state types love to cheat and intimidate, so we have to assume the worst and call them on it every time," "appeal to reason and common sense, and the law, even when they can't understand it and don't respond," and my personal favorite: "remember that threats to democracy from the right always collapse..." Threats to democracy? And your solution is Socialism? Communism was once considered a threat to democracy, and quite frankly, your comments would fit nicely on the front page of the Communist Party.

I am not against Jane Smiley, and people who think like her. I would offer her my full support in furthering her agenda within her party. I am a Republican, and I like winning elections, and I know that this kind of self-absorbed, elitist, way of talking down to the "little people" will only help my side win more elections. So hats off to Jane Smiley, Michael Moore, and the rest of you. We may not always show it, but we appreciate the long hours and hard work you put into convincing people that the Left is full of lunatics, and they can't really be trusted to run a country.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004


A Little Too Much Toungue, Maybe?

Sometimes you want something so bad, that nothing can convince you otherwise. This doctor believed a woman's heart had stopped, so he rushed to give her CPR, and he didn't stop until emergency crews arrived at his office... despite the woman's objections. Yes, the woman asked him to stop administering CPR to her, and he continued to do so, anyway. Now I imagine being a doctor can be kind of a lonely job, but I'm not sure that this is entirely appropriate. I mean if the woman was cool with it, I'd understand. But pulse or no pulse, if she doesn't want CPR, then you shouldn't force it. Breathing or not, if she says she is uncomfortable with the situation, maybe you should listen to her, and not argue. Norwegian health authorities are considering CPR training for the doctor. I think that's a good idea. Clearly he'd be a good doctor, if he had a better understanding of the difference between a dead woman and an alive woman, and the ethics of saving the life of either.


Immigration A.D.D.

The President just recently re-proposed his immigration reform policies which would apparently relax the rules that allow people to sneak across our southern border. In a way, I see this as an attempt to end a state of denial that our government is in. If we aren't going to really try to secure our borders, why not just throw the dice and let 'em in. I haven't read the proposal or anything, because my immigration policy A.D.D. prevents me from learning anything about it until it's spelled out for me on CNN, or any number of syndicated radio talk shows that I listen to from time to time. Evidence would suggest, however, that our laws really aren't preventing illegals from getting across. So either we go Bush's route and relax the rules, or we build a wall, right? Actually, I believe there is a middle ground. We need the labor, and the Mexicans need the cash. I believe in that whole American dream thing, and I think it should apply to everyone. So while I am not necessarily opposed to making it easier on prospective immigrants to be allowed to legally enter and work in America, I am not a fan of how Bush is doing it. It's clear that his base doesn't support any form of amnesty, when illegal immigration is percieved as such a problem. This divides the Republican party, and creates the illusion that Republicans don't like Mexicans, which is absolutely bad. I think Bush should streamline the immigration process, and couple it with a renewed focus on border security, so that while people don't have to sneak across illegally if they want a chance at a better life, at the same time, a state-of-the-art surveillance system could prevent those who try and cheat from getting away with it... Or we could just fix Mexico via globalization, and then there wouldn't be a problem. But that would mean that Mexicans would have to stop crying every time a Wal-Mart pops up near some historic landmark.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004


Dear Madonna,

Thanks, Madonna, for finding time in between botox injections and Kaballah parties to present the United States, and President Bush with much needed advice on our foreign policy. You laid down the law on BBC radio saying "I just don't want American troops to be in Iraq, period." Statements like "My feelings are 'can we just all get out?'" really mean something to millions of Americans who also question our leaders with incoherent sentence phrasing. You once again were able to show off your infinite void of true wisdom when you told us that global terror is everywhere, around the block, and in California, and that dropping bombs on innocent people is an absurd way of dealing with it. Your sound advice surely will make the president pause, and think twice before dropping bombs on everywhere, around the block, and California. Perhaps our soldiers, as they are storming Fallujah, will also hesitate to drop bombs on innocent people, opting instead to bomb those who have already been convicted of suicide bombing by a fair military tribunal, or the U.N. security council. Rest assured that even though you no longer live here in America, the citizens of this great nation find your opinions extremely relevant... For me to poop on!


Alaska, Here We Come

I think everyone in the country should read this website. It lays out specifically why this whole debate is a no-brainer when it comes to the facts. Only 8% of the ANWR region will even be considered for drilling. If you are telling me that 130,000 procupine caribou will die off if 8% of the 19 million acres they inhabit happen to have oil rigs on them, then you might as well go and crawl back to whatever cave dwelling you manage to live in, unnoticed and invisible to any form of wildlife in existence. If this issue was left up to Alaskans, we would have been drilling there a long time ago. Instead we are being prevented from recovering a possible 16 billion barrels of oil by a bunch of campus tree-huggers and Hollywood boneheads who have no concept of what economic price we pay, just to have them fly from coast to coast in their private jets just so they can tell us to stop driving around in our SUVs. Well good luck with that America. If we lose this debate again, well, I don't know what to tell ya. I'm finding it hard to focus with all these numbers flying around.

Monday, November 08, 2004


Political Science

Well, another wave of Global Warming doomsday news articles is upon us. Browsing through newspapers, one would think that the world wasn't going to be around much longer. The debate over global warming is a frustrating one. I am always wary of "political science," as I call it, where scientists go on TV and blab for 5 minutes, throwing out all sorts of jargon and expecting us stupid people to believe that the capitalists with their disregard for the environment are causing global temperatures to rise. Which would somehow trigger an ice age because the oceans wouldn't be as salty anymore. However, these scientist simply ignore any evidence that would cast doubt on their conclusions. For example, the "record change" in temperatures on the earth's surface isn't reflected in the lower atmosphere. Perhaps this is because the earth's surface is reflecting more sunlight due to an increase in output from the sun. Or maybe the data was flawed in the first place. But what do I know, I am not a politically motivated scientist. All I know is that the dramatic "Day After Tomorrow" scenario isn't backed by even the most sympathetic scientists, and that "even without the human hand in global warming, a new ice age would be unlikely for perhaps another 15,000 years." Which is right on schedule, apparently. The whole thing is very reminiscent of the debate over evolution, in which other politically motivated scientists simply refuse to address overwhelming inconsistencies, such the absence of a link between developed complex body systems and single-celled ameobas. You'll have to do your own homework on that debate. I'm hungry, dinner is on, and I have to get out of my pajamas...


Slow News Day?

Well, this is the one week anniversary of the creation of this blog, and there's not much happening yet. They're arguing over who get's Arafat's money. I guess that means he's dead? I don't really know. We're headed into Fallujah, I pray that goes as cleanly as possible. Scott Peterson may have a hung jury, which makes me want to hang myself. And an anti-Albanian vote in Macedonia failed yesterday because of a boycott... I don't even know what that means. And the gay NJ governor said goodbye to his beloved state, and evoked a little sympathy via his sexuality on his way out. I told myself I wouldn't cry, and I managed hold it together as I read through excerpts of his farewell address. But other than that, not much is happening at all. Hopefully tonight, something interesting will occur. Until then, here is a boring news clipping about the tallest stack of Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the world. Apparently the news is just as slow in Seattle.

Sunday, November 07, 2004


Nation Largely Unprepared for Bio Attack...

The United States remains woefully unprepared to protect the public against terrorists wielding biological agents despite dramatic increases in biodefense spending by the Bush administration and considerable progress on many fronts, according to government officials and specialists in bioterrorism and public health.

Geez tell the whole world why don't ya. Seriously Washington Post, I don't want to know this. I don't want the terrorists to know this. Why not this headline: "Nation's 'bulletproof' bio-terror security lauded." Or this one: "Don't Even Think About Releasing Biological Chemicals at U.S. Airports, Because We Will Find Out." Or "Our Security Is Unprecedented, Unlike Canada's Who Just Released a Statement Saying They 'Hate All Arabs'." Americans may not fall for it, but maybe it would buy us some time to get more ready, instead of signaling an attack on America from your press room. Why does the Washington Post care, anyway? They're in a blue state, and Bin Laden promised not to attack blue states. More security would just be a waste of money in Washington, because Osama is targeting Beulah, WY now. Just like he promised. And there is no way he could possibly be full of crap.


"I'm not dead yet"

Ok Yassir, either die or get up and dance, because I'm tired of hearing about you on the news. Over 2 days of reporting you've gone from being sick to dead, to alive and well, to comatose and on life support, to alert and jovial, to dead again, to poisoned by the Jews, and now you have liver failure... If you do pull through, make sure you tell the wife where your money is this time, because she has been a wreck. I guess she deserved it. She only married you for you're money, and everyone knows that only works in America. Rest assured all of your faithful Palestinian cohorts are praying that you'd wake up to her fat face tomorrow, instead of 72 hot, young virgins.

Saturday, November 06, 2004


Lucas's Redemption?

Growing up, I loved Star Wars. Unlike your typical internet blogger though, I lost alot of interest in the series, especially with the mediocrity of the release of the first two episodes. They entertained me, but not like they used to when I was younger, and didn't get hung up on things like poorly delivered lines, and cheesy characters. When the first episode came out, however many years ago, I was excited. The second one I looked forward to. The third, I could have cared less up until tonight. I saw the newest trailer that ran before "The Incredibles." (Good movie, BTW, go check it out). From what I could tell, Episode 3 looks fantastic. The trailer depicted huge spaceship battles, armies of stormtroopers and wookies, and reminded me of why I liked the series so much in the first place. Awesome, sci-fi action. I realized that I'm still a sucker for a lightsaber duel, and that I can't wait until the movie comes out on May 5, 2005. (12:01 AM, if my friends have anything to do with it.)


Religous A.D.D.

This time it isn't me. It's the Democrats. They are all running around claiming that they are all going to attend Bible School, go to church and present their newly religious message of killing babies, and deconstructing families in a more religious light. It ain't gonna work. We see right through you, and you don't have a clue about what religion means to us. The fact that you are sitting there shocked that religion and morality is anyone's central focus on election day, shows just how clueless you are. Religion is the focus of our lives, elections and all. Our values aren't something you tell us about. They are what you stand by. America understands your values, and has let you know what it thinks. Republicans: stop with the centrist talk. It is clear now what I've known all along. The center of this country isn't the intolerance of religion, namely Christianity. The center lies in the family, and the values of religion. The more we recognize this, and operate accordingly, the better off we will be as a country, because the answer to most, if not all of the problems we face in our society, is the family. Welcome to America, you liberal slugs. Get it in gear, or enjoy losing elections, and missing the point. Not just of politics, but of life in general.

Friday, November 05, 2004


Marry Out

Fed up with George W. Bush? Afraid he is going ruin your life? Are you ready to move to Canada? Let me offer you a short cut. Marrying a Canadian is usually the fastest way to get in. You won't have to suffer through any more of the next 4 years than you have to, and we won't have to suffer through having you around complaining about how you want to leave very long either. Your welcome to go, and Canada is much farther along the Liberalism process than the U.S. is. Let us have our country back, so we can keep some of the money we earn, and mention God in public, policies Canada abandoned long ago. If you were just talking about moving the whole time to make us all feel bad, then you can shut up, because the only ones who feel sorry for you are other Leftists. The rest of us (the majority of the country) are just laughing at you, and secretly hoping you meant it.

Thursday, November 04, 2004


Brain in a Dish

He grew a brain in a glass dish, and it can pilot a virtual fighter jet. Perhaps someday a similar creation will be able to pilot a real aircraft. Biological computers? Would they still make mistakes like this? Is it even ethical? Some say the soul is located in the brain. Would these things have souls? Is this a sign of the end times?? Are we becoming too super-intelligent, and focused on being as powerful as God, that our entire society will soon become too intellectually advanced for our own good??? I don't know, I've already lost interest.


High-Profile Trial A.D.D.

Wow they are sure talking about Scott Peterson alot. I am ready for this thing to wrap up. In fact, I was ready for it to wrap up as soon as they caught him on his way to Mexico. Not because I don't believe in his right to a fair trial, but because I didn't have any desire to hear about it for the next three years. I find it very hard to pay attention to even a 5 minute discussion about these stupid court cases that the media, especially FOX news, goes on and on about. I can't understand the fascination. Cases like these happen every day all across the country, why are you so obsessed with this one? Where do you find people who feel so passionate about a case they have nothing to do with? And why is this any of this my business?? It looks like this case is finally wrapping up, after nearly 6 long months of picking apart every decision, every shred of evidence, and every turn of events that came up in this seemingly one-sided case. It's over. The guy's guilty, let's move on with our lives.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


Another Reason to Hate Canada

Canadian officials made clear on Wednesday that any U.S. citizens so fed up with Bush that they want to make a fresh start up north would have to stand in line like any other would-be immigrants -- a wait that can take up to a year.

Come on Canada! What are you gonna do? You've got one border patrol agent. Just let them in. You think this is gonna stop our resiliant American Liberals? They have always been strong advocates of illegal immigration, and most would probably welcome a chance to practice it. I don't see the point of creating a bastion of Socialism, and then turning away Socialists. Think of all the votes that will go towards noble Socialist causes. Causes such as screwing up your healthcare system even more, and hoarding more of the people's money to pay for it. You guys did it for the draft dodgers in the 70's, what's the holdup now. Don't be such a hoser, eh?


More Disappointment for the Prohibitionists

Their guy didn't win. I was really rooting for him too, I thought he had Ohio there for a little while, the initial exit polls showed a landslide victory for him in Utah, but I guess that didn't play out... Oh well. Better luck in '08 to Earl Dodge. I can't believe I wasted $6 on your stupid button.

I actually read through some of the Prohibition Party's platform, (until my party platform A.D.D. kicked in) and it seemed pretty reasonable, except for the whole banning alcohol deal... you know, since that worked so well the first time. I didn't realize that my views were so in line with 1920's conservativism. Go figure. I guess that makes me a closet prohibitionist. Pass the cider, will ya.


Post-Election A.D.D.

Well the elctions are over. Bush won, and I enjoyed seeing Kerry's especially long face deliver a concession speech this morning . Good news for all of us, because Kerry's similarly horse-faced daughters are pretty ugly. Instead we have for more years of Barbara and Annie (short for Anheuser). Oh, and all of the important stuff matters too.

Yeah, I voted too. Posted by Hello

Monday, November 01, 2004


Election A.D.D.

What goes on in America during election off-seasons? I can hardly remember. All I know is that I've been looking forward to Tues. for about a year and a half now. Polls are showing support for my man Bush, so I'm not worried. I'm just a little weary of the relentless attacks on Conservatism. Being conservative subjects you to alot of public attacks on your character and ideology on a seemingly daily basis. But the company is good, and you can always ignore what the fat guy on tv is saying, or let off steam by slapping John Kerry around for a little while.

Just don't forget to check on the Bush/Cheney '04 sign in your front yard. They can tear 'em down all they want. Your local Republican HQ will be glad to replace them for you. GO OUT AND VOTE. It's important.