Wednesday, May 04, 2005


Monday Stew

What a week this is turning out to be. What with the runaway bride, capture of al-Libbi, and at least 60 killed in Iraq today alone. Lynndie England's guilty plea was rejected, and she now has to face a trial. I guess they have to publicly butcher the one in the pictures if the media is going to be satisfied. If you ask me, a flawed system is one that prevents people from confessing. But they never ask me, so I guess it doesn't matter. Bush is going to visit Russia and will probably have another chat with Putin, who thinks the collapse of the Soviet Union was the "greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the century." Those two always get along great. They have found a new species of dinosaur that they think will provide the "missing link" between carnivours and plantivours. This will prove to be very interesting to people interested in animals that have been dead for millions of years, but it won't prove evolution. To do that, they'd need to find the "link" between ameobas and human beings. They can't even link humans and gorillas without making stuff up. Although apparently they have found the origins of life. That's right, we all came from outer space. It looks as if we might be the descendants of asteroid scum. Bill Clinton has started a campaign to curb childhood obesity. That guy is about as relevant as Jimmy Carter anymore, and he's even more of an attention-whore. Speaking of which, some guy in Buffalo just voluntarily paid a $2,190 fine on a book that just turned up after 24 years of absence. Taiwan and China have been at odds lately, so to smooth things over China offered up two panda bears as a peace offering. Apparently, that's a really nice gesture. However, a number of people with no lives turned out to protest the transaction, because it removes the Pandas from their natural habitat. It's great to see that other countries have to deal with the same crap we do. We're not alone. Well, maybe sometimes we are. Like when we spray two month old baby girls with pepper spray. Or treat a scandal involving "American Idol" as big news. Or when we sit around in organized groups and wonder where all the female horsehoe players have gone. Here is a tidbit for all of you who are looking to feel sorry for someone who shot himself five times with a .22 cal handgun and still had to drive 10 minutes to the nearest bridge and throw off himself of it at which point he drowned to death, finally satisfying his suicidal intentions. Toads are exploding in Germany. The end.