Wednesday, November 24, 2004


Happy Thanksgiving

You'll never know what you'll find when perusing PETA's website. Here is an unbelievable, indescribable story that was linked to from PETA's homepage. It's about a turkey named Adam (Wait a minute that's my name), who was found by a turkey thief along Highway 99 in CA. (Hey, I travel on a large portion of the 99 all the time between school and home!). The story can only be described as heart-wrenching. Take this clip for example:

Adam was living with Dana (Whoa, that's my sister's name; my only sibling...), an outspoken broiler chicken, for a couple weeks before his true love arrived. On an early Sunday morning, Adam was introduced to Lady Dee, a graceful yet strong-willed turkey hen. Instantly, the two hit it off.

From perching to dustbathing to slumbering, Adam and Lady Dee did everything together. With Adam in the lead, the two-pack constantly followed me around the house. Adam was always the star; (That's my last name! I think I've got a PETA stalker out there somewhere...) Lady Dee was always the maternal protector.

Needless to say if I meet a girl named Lady Dee, I will turn around and run as fast as I can. But more importantly, this turkey lover chick is nuts! Let's eye the demise of her special fowl friend.

Arriving at home, my housemate said Adam that flown into a wooden chair and broke his neck. In a freak accident, my baby was taken away from me prematurely. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

This gave me a good laugh. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a pancake. She drives all the way out to some obscure farm on the 99 from the bay area. This isn't exactly a short drive, it took her the better part of a day. She "rescues" a stupid turkey from the farm by abducting it and putting it in her house... In the bay area... Where backyards don't really exist... At least not for wackos like this. Anyways she becomes so attatched to this turkey, that she sings lullabye's in it's ear. Now, If you've ever seen a baby turkey, this mental image is comedy enough. Some liberal college chick cuddling this little web of skin and fuzz, singing to it as it stares blankly off into space. The ultimate irony is that this turkey, (fully intelligent and capable of outwitting humans according to PETA), after being "rescued" from the great outdoors of a turkey farm by some crazy person who drove it at least a few hours back to the bay area, ends up stuck in her apartment and meets it's ultimate demise when in an apparent lapse of intelligence, thinks it can fly and ends up breaking it's neck on a wooden chair. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That's funny, I don't care who you are. Back at home on the farm, at least it had a shot of being one of those nice turkey dinners that churches donate to the homeless about once a year around thanksgiving. Now, it's just dead in your living room. Way to go you animal loving freak. You took food right out of the mouths of hungry children, literally walked up to them and grabbed the delicious turkey out from between their teeth, and now your pet turkey is dead. Hahahahahahahahaha. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, I think I'll have a delicious turkey. I'll take seconds, in rememberance of Adam, who could have been so delcious, but led an otherwise pointless life.

*giggles* that was a happy holiday story.

However, you didn't have to take *quite* so much pleasure at the folly of the bird lady. Sometimes, mocking the stupid is just cruel. Sometimes.

Tomorrow, I shall eat my bird as a service to society and to turkeys everywhere.
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