Tuesday, March 29, 2005


Monday Stew

Terri is still alive. Who would have thought that she'd last longer than Johnnie Cochran? Jesse Jackson came out in defense of her life. Others have started a pool to see who can guess closest to the exact time and date of her death. The winner gets a free T-Shirt. This must be why the judges seem so eager to kill her, they just want a free T-shirt. The Pope may end up needing a feeding tube pretty soon. He should stay out of the United States, or he might fall victim to his "right to die." This is the closest thing I could find to a death pool on him. You're allowed to guess, but there is no free T-shirt involved, so I don't know why you'd bother. Kofi Annan was asked if he would resign in the wake of the oilforfood scandal. He said "Hell No" and tapdanced offstage. The U.S. is still warily supporting him, but I say it's time to get out of the sham organization. We don't have to pour money into a system set up so that a bunch of backwards, corrupt nations can profit of our tax dollars. Yet we do anyway. Insignificant Foreign Nations Update: Kyrgystan's "president" is thinking about stepping down after being ousted last week. India is considering sanctions against Nepal as a means of forcing the Monarchy to be more Democratic. In Mali, violence and rioting has erupted, and there is chaos in the street after Prime Minister Maiga threatened a popular organization, saying that they will pay dearly for losing their shot at the World Cup. No word yet if the soccer team's feeding tubes will be removed, but several protestors have already been arrested for offering the coach a drink of water. Affirmative Action may be to blame for the deadly escape of Brian Nichols earlier this month. I don't know, having that little girl escort that huge criminal seemed safe to me, I think what is really to blame is the religious right-wingers. In Utah, there is a city named Pleasant Grove. Of course, when you decide to live in a city named Pleasant Grove, you have to expect mortar fire to hit your backyard every once in awhile. Apparently someone managed to fire a 105mm howitzer shell all the way over Mt. Timpanogos, only to land in the backyard of Scott and Lori Conner of Pleasant Grove, who's three-year old son narrowly escaped death. It couldn't happen to a more boring family. I bet this guy is a window manager in some insurance office, while she teaches Kindergarden. Scott and Lori Conner of Pleasant Grove... give me a break.

Thursday, March 24, 2005


Mrs. Michael Moore

The St. Louis metro system's hydraulic lifts have been tested to safely handle up to 600 lbs. At last a 630 lb. woman has come out against the St. Louis metro system for what else, discrimination. Pat Kern weighs 634 lbs, she is by all definitions, fat. She is upset because she can no longer ride the bus. She says: "I think this is discrimination, and I think it's because I'm fat." No, No, No. It couldn't possibly be discrimination, and certainly it's not because you are fat. It's simply a judgment call based on your weight. St. Louis doesn't need to be sued after you get injured because their hydraulic lifts couldn't hoist that giant blob you call your butt up onto the bus. I understand you've had health problems, and exercise is hard for you, especially since you have only one leg. But a simple revision of your dietary plan should allow you to lose the necessary amount of weight needed to ride the bus again. In other words, lay off the twinkies, fudge bricks, and small children for awhile, and you may be able to drop the 40 lbs.. Instead you role around in your wheelchair, stroking your cat, and crying to a newspaper about how that cat is getting more attention because St. Louis won't let you leave your house. It's not the city's job to haul around one-legged heavyweights like you. Besides, where does a 630 lb. woman need to go anyway? Your condition is nature's last resort in keeping you away from McDonald's. Sheesh. The 600 lbd. guideline was set by the American Disabilities Act. According to the article: "(Kern) said rules like this can be dangerous and lead to social, emotional and more physical problems." No, I'm sorry, you've confused the safety guidelines with your huge giant body. Letting 700 lbd. people on the bus isn't going to help your social, emotional, or physical problems. Losing a few mattresses from your thighs is the only thing that will do you any good.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005


This Is Intelligent Life?

Craigslist.com, a town-square type e-bulletin board, has beamed the first "commercial transmission of a website" into space. In other words, if any aliens are planning on staking out on Earth at any point, they can find the most competetive housing rates in cities all across the globe, as well as local singles, jobs, and community events. Now we all know that this isn't being done for the aliens. Extra-Terrestrials are mere benefectors in a marketing ploy for craigslist. However, the idea of talking to aliens has collected interest. According to this article, a growing number of people are sending text and even voice messages into outer space, hoping that any passing English-speaking aliens will hear what they have to say. Sure, this may end up being no more than another corny gift involving shouting your love out into the heavens or whatever, but the idea is still fascinating. Only so because people will actually blow good money on having their little messages beamed into outer space. I wonder if you are allowed to say anything you want. I wonder if they would come down on me if I sent out dozens of declarations of war on behalf of Earth, or politically incorrect cross-terrestrial slurs to invoke hostility between otherwise peaceful civilizations. Maybe if I tell them Howard Dean said they were a bunch of green-headed bug-eyed morons, they'll come abduct him, or could I be sued for slander? Knowing this country's legal system, I wouldn't take the risk.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


Intolerable Cruelty

Yesterday, the Schindler vs. Schaivo case went back to the courts. Congress, and the President hurried to get the case heard again, but the courts are taking their sweet time in making a decision. I'm not holding my breath. I just wonder why we sent this back to the courts. I have had it with the courts, and I think legislators should have some say on behalf of the people as to whether or not America is a country that starves innocent people to death. If my dog gets hit by a car, and probably won't survive, I put it down. I don't starve it to death just because his jaw doesn't work, and if I did, I would probably go to jail. So what will it be? Either put Terri down, like a dog, or give her a chance to recover. Enough limbo, and enough torture. This behavior is beyond what we do to animals, Iraqi inmates, terrorists, and most anything else that lives and breathes. Terri doesn't deserve to suffer up two weeks of not having any nutrition, it's just inhumane. I have to believe the most barbaric caveman would have the heart to put her out of her misery. American judges, and apparently the extreme left, don't.

Monday, March 21, 2005


Monday Stew

It's the third Monday of March 2005, and it's business as usual out there. The whole world's eyes are focused squarely on Florida. Bush flew in from down South specifically to sign a document that Congress sent him to allow the Schindler family to file yet another appeal to have the feeding tube reinserted into Terri's throat. Passion builds on both sides of the argument, as politicians scramble to send legislation flying through to give Terri one last chance. It finally ended up in the hands of another Judge and everyone waited to see what he would decide. His ruling? Nothing. No Ruling. Oh, I suppose he'll get to it when he has time, who knows, maybe he could have a decision before Terri's eyes are completely sunken into her face. While the media's attention is captivated on the Schaivo family, I will bring you up to speed on what else is happening. The Sony PSP will be released on Thursday. The handheld response to the Nintendo DS, is supposed to have an array of functions, but the gaming capabilities are really the only reason to drop the $250. It's pricey, about 100 bucks more than Nintendo's, and I probably won't end up getting either one. Nepal just signed an arms pact with China, apparently the King is running short on weapons with which to quell the Communist revolutionaries. Russia has 27 billionaires according to Forbes' rankings. I'm guessing alot of them are tied in with old Soviet politicos. The most famous is Mikhail Khordorkovsky who is still sitting in jail if I'm not mistaken. Russia is quite the paradox these days. Cheney was in Bakersfield over the weekend, with Rep. Bill Thomas, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Comittee, (aka the most powerful man in the world). Cheney need's Thomas's support for Social Security reofrm, but I've read that Bill isn't that confident in the reforms. A school is being sued for teaching children about Christ, and telling them to live good Christian lives. How could they? Were the not thinking of the potential litigation that they could bring upon themselves by exposing children to Christianity and Jesus? Shouldn't they be teaching about different ways to have sex instead? Avid hunters are now able to shoot animals from the comfort of their own home, and farmers have been told to care for their animals' emotions. Judge Rehnquist is back on the stand, and Coca-cola is relasing a new zero-calorie version of Coke. A Communist newspaper has revealed a memo that they claim features Bush's permission for Abu Grahib torture. The memo authorizes sleep deprivation, and black hoods, but it doesn't specifically say prisoner abuse. I guess that is good enough for the Communists. That about does it for the stew, for dessert, how about a little bit of this first grader's crack cocaine.

Friday, March 18, 2005


Imitation Harley

A hydrogen powered motorcycle has recently been introduced in Britain. The thing can only go 50 miles per hour. It claims it can run for four hours before it needs recharging, but it also boasts a 100 mile range. So I guess four hours at 25 miles per hour, and you can call it even. Researches are having trouble with the silent engine. People are worried that other motorists won't hear it coming, and nobody will want to buy a bike that doesn't go "vroom!" In response, they are working on artificial engine noises that can be switched on and off to simulate a real bike. Riiiight, that'll do it. This will catch on about as fast as hybrid cars did. It might work in the U.K., but American bikers aren't going to be fooled by a speaker that makes engine noises while you ride. Internal combustion engines offer a little more than that. There is the vibration, the feeling of power, oh, and speed that goes along with riding a real chopper. They are going to have to do better than this, I'm afraid. I'd like to see the first hydrogen biker gang. A bunch of University schmucks with granola in their beards speeding silently past, or blasting Mozart from their little engine noise simulators. The biker culture is built on the raw power of a Harley-Davidson hog, and that isn't going to change for a while yet.

Thursday, March 17, 2005


Batters Up

I really don't have any thoughts on the frenzy around the Senate hearings of baseball players, except to wonder what else the Senate could be doing right now besides listening to Sammy Sosa say he's clean, and Mark McGwire say he won't snitch. It's baseball, who cares? Isn't this the responsibility of the FBI, or drug investigators in the CIA, anyway? Maybe it is just me. After all, baseball is not an A.D.D. friendly game. It has to be non-stop action, or I turn the channel. It is beyond me that the Senate has to get involved with this. I think the people should have more say on the Senate's agenda. There should be a website where American citizens can vote on what issues the Senate addresses on that particular day. That way we could have a little more control in saying, "Hey guys, budget deficit." Instead we watch them interrogate a bunch of oafs who may or may not be on steroids. I hear there may be some drug use among rap "artists" as well. Perhaps we should have Eminem and Snoop Dogg visit the Senate and make them talk. After all, the music industry is a huge influence in the lives of way more children than baseball is. In fact, there are rumors that drugs may be used by people in Hollywood as well. I think a Senate hearing is in order, because most kids spend way more time watching movies than they do watching baseball. I'd like to see the look on the collective face of Hollywood when the U.S. Senate tells them they have to fly back to Washington to rat out co-workers, or defend their own hide. I'd be for that initiative, just to see the reaction.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005


The Marxist and the Money Tree

Things have apparently been heating up around the Taiwan Strait. My cross-strait relationship A.D.D. will kick in here eventually, but I think I kind of understand, in a limited way, just what is going on over there. China and Taiwan are two very different places. Taiwan was part of China, until Japan took it away. Eventually it was returned to China, but still maintains a de facto independence, despite the fact that any attempts to secede will surely be bloody. Taiwan is very much a capitalist society, and is one of the "tigers" of East Asia. From what I can tell, it has it's own government. It used to be recognized by the U.S. as an independent nation, but China convinced the U.S. that it was not in 1979. Therefore, it can't be a part of the U.N., but it can participate in the WTO, and other organizations that don't require statehood for membership. To oversimplify, it remains part of China, but it kinda does it's own thing.

China recently adopted an anti-secession law, which says attempts to secede by Taiwan will be met with forceful resistance for the Chinese. As State Dept. Spokesperson Richard Boucher says it "only serves to harden positions." Washington and the White House have come out against it, seeing it as mostly unnecessary and counter-productive to it's position of avoiding war with China at all costs. (U.S. maintains warm "unofficial" relations with Taiwan, including military weapons trade.) China claims the bill only serves to reach a peaceful reunification of China, and the Taiwan Affairs Office blames the Mainland Affairs Council for spinning it into a move to change the status-quo.

Obviously if war breaks out, the U.S. would be in a dill pickle. The GOP once promised that their president will defend Taiwan if they were attacked by China. The position of Bush, and the U.S. these days is primarily peace, and seemingly no public back-up plan if peace is not an option. Bush has wisely chosen Clinton's path, by throwing in his support for one-China, and speaking out against an independent Taiwan. It is a flip-flop, but I don't think Americans are ready to die for Taiwan's symbolic independence. Secessionist forces in Taiwan want their independence for several reasons, and Taiwan's president is calling for a protest to the new Chinese law. In my opinion, they are doing just fine under the current system. If they just keep the big cranky giant happy, and they should be able to continue to do whatever they want. I'm not sure how long the status quo will last for Taiwan, but if they hold on peacefully, things should work out for the best. After all, China can't hang on to SEZ's and hybrid Capitalism forever. Eventually, they will become more secure in "The Golden Straitjacket" as Thomas Friedman puts it, and according to Friedman, all they need is a free press. Until then the rest of us will continue to scratch our heads and wonder what the heck is going on over there in Taiwan.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005


King Richard's Court

About five years ago, 61% of voters decided in favor of Propostion 22, which states pretty clearly: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Other people's opinions aside, this judge could not find any "rational purpose" for not upholding the will of the people and decided for all of us here in CA that we will do things his way. All hail King Richard Kramer of California, the sole authority above all else for rationality.

The whole argument is being skewed into something it's not. No one is saying homosexuals are "second-class citizens." No one is denying them any basic rights. They are free to marry members of the opposite sex, just like the rest of us. Nowhere in the Constitution are you guaranteed a marriage license. It's like a driver's license, or a merchant's license. It is a priviledge of the state, but you have to follow the rules, silly. The idea that they are so heavily discriminated against because they can't be recognized as 'married' by the state is ridiculous. They just want to be victims, and naturally the Democrats are willing to see them as the most persecuted people in history. I think Howard Dean actually said that, but I couldn't find the quote. Anyways, there is a long legal battle ahead in California to see if marriage will remain sacred, or if it will be open to gays, and subsequently to anyone else that steps forward and wants a marriage certificate with whomever or whatever they've chosen to have as a spouse.

Monday, March 14, 2005


Monday Stew

My Spring Break is over already, and the world is still revolving at the same pace as it was before I left. That's the good news. The bad news is that it's tilted just a little more to the left at the hands of little Judgie Kramer of California. King Kramer has decided that the Constitution of California somehow guarantees marriage to be available to anyone, and has decided that "It appears that no rational purpose exists for limiting marriage in this state to opposite-sex partners." I don't believe this. It took the Liberal elites five whole years to find a way to make the voice of the Californian people irrelevant in their state's politics. They must be losing influence over here, or something. In other news, Brian Nichols ran away from court, killed four people, allegedly found God, and turned himself in. Special thanks to our hero, Ashley Smith, for bringing him around. China put a law on the books prohibiting Taiwan from trying to secede. Bush has already shown his support for the Communist giant, which means if Taiwan does anything stupid, World War III will remain limited to the Mideast. And if it is at all relevant, Russia understands China's position. China, in response, began testing HIV vaccines on human beings. There are Syrians marching in Beirut. They are all worked up over something. Sunnis, Christians, Druze, and Shi'ites all got in on the action. Saudi Arabia is pushing for increased oil production. If OPEC listens, and we can refine it all in a reasonable amount of time, then oil prices mught drop a few cents. You never know. I guess Bush blew off Sinn Fein's leader Gerry Adams. This year they aren't going to meet on St. Patrick's day, get liquored up, and make a year's worth of policy decisions concerning the role of the United States in the Northern Ireland peace process in about one hour. Oh well. Finally, the Worcester Tornadoes are under fire for naming their team after a deadly twister. Apparently honoring a black funnel cloud doesn't bring about enough "happy memories." Yes, but the Worchester "Rays of Sunshine" would probably not get them as much respect among the other baseball teams.

Thursday, March 03, 2005


Greenspan is "The Good"

Greenspan is the god of the U.S. dollar. I think the Greek pagans actually had a statue built of Greenspan at one point. They would worship at his feet, and praise his invisible hand to which the early markets would always listen. While I may not know what I'm talking about, Alan surely does. Today he offered up a novel idea. This is the kind of idea you would never imagine being explored that a group of boneheads unable to even fix a potential trainwreck between the promise of Social Security and 10 Billion dollars that doesn't exist. This idea has been backed by a few congressional members, and those who support it hail it as the answer to all of our financial woes. The "Consumption Tax" would put an end to income tax, and focus squarely on commercial transactions. This means any transfer of money would have a barely noticeable tax tacked onto it. The sheer volume of transactions in America, (think Stock Market, Banks, etc.) would guarantee much more tax revenue than the current systems provide.

Already the Democrats gave their usual knee-jerk reaction. "It puts the burden on poor people who just need to buy food." This shows me that they aren't interested in even looking at the idea. The more rich you are, the more transactions you are making, and you therefore are paying more in taxes. The tax wouldn't have to be that big, a grocery shopper would pay much less than they are paying under the current system to pull their weight. The Democrats simply object because they would not be able to take whatever they want from rich people, anytime they want to. They want Socialism, and there can't be Socialism if there are people who are rich.

Anyways, I think it's a great idea, and I think Greenspan is the smartest man in the world. It's obvious he has the knowledge, education, and experience to know what he is talking about. Which is why I get a kick out of hearing him say that the Democrats are wrong. I get an even bigger kick when the Democrats turn around and say "I think he's one of the biggest political hacks we have in Washington." This particular story spends about 6 paragraphs explaining why Democratic Senate Leader, Harry Reid is such a great guy, and why we should all love him. Then it quotes him saying that Greenspan is among Washington's biggest political hacks. Reid backs up his claim by complaining that Greenspan criticized Clinton for budget deficits, but never complained about Bush's deficits. The story goes on to tell us why we should trust Reid without question, and not to worry about Googling "Greenspan Deficits" to make sure he was right.

Apparently Mr. Reid didn't hear Greenspan's speech when he warned everyone about the budget deficits. In fairness he pointed out that we were at war, and that we had that whole recession thing going on (excuses Clinton did not have), but he also attributed it to over-spending as well. He knows infinitesimally more than this Reid character (who doesn't even think to Google his fables before going on TV), and yet somehow Reid is able to bring himself to call Greenspan one of the biggest hackjobs in Washington. Yep, Reid, that's right. He's right up there, just underneath all the Democrats, John McCain, and most everyone else.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Happy A.D.D. Unawareness Day

Well it's Wednesday, when A.D.D. is at it's worst. I know all sorts of important things are going on right now. The Supreme Court is debating whether or not the Ten Commandments should be allowed on the front yards of government buildings. According to the Constitution, it shouldn't be a problem because showing the commandments in front of a courthouse is a little different from Congress establishing a state religion. They say that the odds that they are going to ban the Ten Commandments are slim, and that's all I need to know for now.

Alan Greenspan is saying important stuff too. He's endorsing Social Security reform, and everyone should listen. He also said to cut spending, and we should listen to that as well. Especially those of us who are elected officials. I wonder if they just have trouble hearing, or they missed Greenspan's little speech. It seems like those who want to cut spending are in the minority in Washington. If that's true, then they should get the most attention. Maybe they just need obnoxious protestors to help them out. I want to see a bunch of Conservative wackos surrounding the capitol building (and the White House) with megaphones shouting "Cut Spending" over and over again for 12 days straight. If that doesn't work, we could stage a "massive protest" and severely overexaggerate our numbers to the press. Maybe we could find a bunch of ladies who are willing to take off their clothes and spell "Cut Spending" out in the middle of The Mall. In the meantime I will get a petition going to impeach Bush, and we can all hold hands and sing "We Shall Overcome" until we've forgotten what we were talking about. Like what just happened to me.

Anyways, with all of this stuff going on I am finding it hard to concentrate on the important questions in my life right now. Like, "Which is weirder: The Kenyan tortoise who adopted a baby hippopotamus, or the South African goat that adopted a baby rhinoceros?" and "Why did they make the fat guy be Robin, while the little skinny guy got to be Batman?"

Tuesday, March 01, 2005


Dean is "The Good"

I simply love Howard Dean. He speaks his mind, he's not afraid of anyone or anything. He doesn't let political stiffs push him around. He says what he wants to, no matter the consequences. He is straightforward and honest about his opinion, and he doesn't get intimidated by the burdens of political correctness. He just goes out there tells us what is on his mind. The thing I like most about Dean, though, is the work he's doing for America's conservatives. It's like if we put Michael Savage in charge of the Republican party. Normal, rational people would run for their lives.

Dean recently likened today's current political situation as a battle between good and evil. Of course, he stated that his side was "the good," right after passionately opposing pastors who don't want mothers to have their babies executed. Nonetheless, he is right about a not-so-recent rift between the forces of good and evil, and that each has taken sides in today's political world. This is not to say that Democrats are evil, but once in awhile their leaders do seem to be the first to sympathize to the dark side. When Liberals ferociously attack the Ten Commandments, "under God", "In God we trust," and anything of or related to the family we can get an idea of their view of the world. Then when they stop just short of sympathizing with Saddam Hussein, buddy up with Fidel Castro, and look to Hollywood for their great leaders, it's easy to see why Dean will have trouble defending his claim to the Holy real estate. The young, indocrinated crowd of people cheering for him are same people who turn out to see the great Ward Churchill liken the victims of 9/11 to "Little Eichmans."

I think the thing that surprised me the most about Ward Churchill's remarks, was that it didn't surprise me at all. In fact, I saw it coming, just by following the logic of the stupid remarks you hear from these kinds of people every day. I knew eventually someone would make this type of statement, and I also knew exactly who would be there to defend that person. The fact that they support this kind of thinking, even if they don't agree with the comments, calls into question their concept what is civil and decent in our society. When they find this kind of thing acceptable in a state-funded University, but the enlightened party of tolerence can't bring themselves to tolerate a bumper sticker that says "Support the Troops" on a University vehicle, you can't help but wonder how they can possibly see themselves as "The Good." However they do it, I want to encourage Howard Dean to keep it up. You're one of our greatest political allies, and we can't thank you enough.