A.D.D.

These Arab Americans went into a Denny's to order something good to eat. Instead of getting a good meal, they got thrown out of the restaurant by the manager who allegedly said "We don't serve bin ladens here." These guys now feel like Denny's owes them $28 million. No. That's stupid. It's called racial discrimination. Get over it. Go to another Denny's. There are plenty of them all over the place, and most of them have a sign out front saying just how much they love everybody of all races. If I got $28 million every time I got my feelings hurt, I'd be a much more sensitive person. Denny's didn't issue an official press release saying "We don't serve bin ladens." It was one pinhead in one restaurant. Get over it, and move on.

Well, it's Monday, at least it is on the left side of the country. Here is a look at what is going on. The big story is the train wreck in Japan. I'm not going to tell you how many were killed, because as soon as I do, the death toll will go up again. It was bad, and it's only a story because people died, and our media has a morbid fascination with things like death, rape, pedophilia, and incest if they can get their hands on it. The whole Wendy's chili finger thing turned out to be a hoax. Apparently everyone fell for it. That's right, America got Punk'd! Well, if you are dissapointed, and you still need a reason to avoid Wendy's, you can read this piece about a woman getting raped by two cooks in a Wendy's bathroom. I'm still looking for examples of death, pedophilia and incest at a Wendy's restaurant but if the story is there to be told, a news outlet will pick up on it. Don't you worry. Moving right along, it turns out that despite the close relationship between Bush and and the Saudi crown prince, it looks like gas will still be expensive. Go figure, I thought they had solved everything yesterday. Hubble snapped a couple more photos yesterday. A Navajo council banned gay marriage in their community, and for once I actually felt good about the whole indian reservation deal. I would think this would be a bigger story, but I guess the media isn't comfortable when two liberal protectorates are pitted against each other. After all, people died today and we have to know about it. Microsoft made a statement about it's next OS, dubbed "longhorn." I am entirely disinterested in that story, I hope you don't mind. I found this interesting story. It's about a pilot who bombed Saigon in Vietnam or something like that. I didn't really read it, but I'm sure it has a lot of good stuff to say about Vietnam today. It's like my Modern Asia prof. always says, "Vietnam, it's a country not a war." To which I telepathically reply, "Whatever Holmes." Where was I..? Oh, right, Indonesia is not allowing the U.N. to go in and investigate their country. My advice to Indonesia is to hang in there. Take it from us, the last thing you want in your country is the U.N. The ousted Ecuadorian president, "El Loco", is receiving asylum in Brazil, according to Canada, and this guy lit his T-shirt on fire and threw it over a wall. Bill Frist is talking up the nuclear option concerning Judicial nominees. If the Republicans somehow all get spine implants in the near future, they apparently could consider doing away with the filibuster option concerning judicial nominees. Meanwhile the British are dealing with their own nuclear option. It looks as if the White House is considering drumming up a U.N. resolution against North Korea. Of course, we all know how effective U.N. resolutions are. I bet North Korea is shaking in it's boots, because when the U.N. puts its foot down, stuff gets done. Hang on a sec, my tounge seems to have gotten lodged in my cheek. .. .. .. There we go, much better. The U.N. is irrelevant and serves no purpose to humanity except to enrich corrupt officials, and give France an opportunity to feel much more important than they really are. Moving on: Local U.S. police forces, and the Mexican military have both gotten involved in problems along the southern border. Here is an update on the textbook war going on in East Asia. It looks like Japan is defending their textbooks as fair and balanced, and accused China's textbooks of being too extreme. Anyone else think that there might more to this than reading material? The U.K. has invented a gadget that turns off people's TV's from 45 ft. away, and inserts a message about how T.V. is "killing conversation." It will be used as part of a week long anti-TV protest. Yet another important contribution from Europe, when do these guys sleep? Wow, this is a long stew. Even I'm bored of it. How about a story about cheerleaders. Apparently, Christian schools are cleaning up the act. That's not what you wanted to hear? Well then, maybe you're a pervert. Or maybe you'd rather read about exploding toads. Who am I to judge?

Wow, according to Google's homepage it's Earth Day already. It just comes faster every year. Last week, I posted a link to a website which quoted several animal-rights activists saying that human lives are of equal or lesser value to human life. Over the weekend, I found a story in The Guardian that reveals this kind of mindset in action.

In Alaska, there is a village of about 700 people named King Cove. The closest village, Cold Bay, is about 20 miles away. The population of Cold Bay is about 100, but it has the facilities needed to transport injured or sick people to the hospital. King Cove does not have this luxury, and in the past, they've been forced to hitch a ride on fishing boats to reach Cold Bay if they needed any kind of medical attention. There have already been 12 deaths attributed to the lack of connectivity between the two villages.

King Cove, and Cold Bay are connected by land, but wouldn't you know it, somebody has decided that the land between them is a wildlife refuge. Apparently, to lay down a twenty foot wide gravel road through the 315,000 acre refuge would have undoubtedly disasterous effects on the habits of whatever the heck lives in Alaska. Sure, people are dying, but we can't interrupt the migratory patterns of the irreplacable black brant. I don't even know what a brant is, I assume it's some kind of goose, and it's obviously more important to us than the citizens of King Cove. If you ask me, allowing conservation groups to have control over decisions like this is irresponsible on the part of the U.S. Congress.

So here we are, 12 lives later, and Congress finally decided to do something about the situation. Their plan is to spend close to 9 million dollars on a hovercraft that can take residents across the bay without disrupting the brank or whatever stupid animal migrates over the area where they would have preferred to just lay down a gravel road. I guess if the conservationists can't keep from "disturbing" animals at the expense of human lives, a $35 million transportation plan will have to do.

Every morning, countless American citizens crawl out of bed in the morning, sit up, rub the sleep out of their eyes, and wonder out loud: "I wonder what the Government wants me to eat today." It is increasingly vital to our society that our tax dollars are continually poured into hours upon hours of research and mountains of bureaucracy to provide an answer for these hapless nutrition enthusiasts. So after 13 years of bad advice, (don't worry your tax dollars are wasted like that all the time) they have finally decided to revise the old system of eating in America. The result: the new food pyramid. Apparently the old one had lots of problems, and needed an overhaul. So they have fixed it, and instead of being a pyramid, it is now a triangular pie chart. It's rather confusing if you ask me, but hey, I'm not the one paying attention to the food pyramid, I'm just paying for it.

Well, wouldn't you know after all of that backbreaking research to produce this 3-sided multicolored miracle, there are some skeptics. This report reports that it could be considered confusing to the driveling sods that need to have their diets planned out by Harvard professors. They have also raised some other concerns:

"Some complain that the pyramid does not tell which foods are best for the health. Nor does the pyramid remind Americans enough of the risk of processed sugar foods and alcoholic drinks."

Keep in mind, driveling sods prefer lunch menus to vague references to "food types". How is Joe American supposed to figure out whether his chicken nugget is a fruit or a vegetable? And what difference does it make if the almighty pyramid fails to remind him that eating candy and drinking beer might make him fat? To cast further doubt on our new guidelines for healthy living, a scandal brews:

"According to Joseph. Mercola, MD, a health dietary advocate, the firm hired by the USDA to design the government web site presents clients in the processed food industry, which make others suspicious of possible conflicts of interest."

Aha! So that's how come the grains always got the biggest section. They are obviously loaded with carbs, making people fatter by the hour, yet somehow we are encouraged to eat more and more. "Big Wheat" has obviously been lobbying the guy that came up with this new pyramid about an hour before the deadline hit, so all of us will enthusiastically open and swallow whatever the government tells us to. Because if there is one thing we know for sure, the U.S. Government is never, ever, wrong.

I love San Fransisco. They just can't do anything right. Pop Quiz: You have roughly 6,000 homeless people in your city, and have $17 million to spend fixing the problem. With $28,333 dollars per homeless person, you'd think you could do something fairly practical. But not San Fransisco. While a place to live is a nice luxury, what the homeless in San Fransisco apparently really need is a state-of-the-art facility that boasts a full-sized gymnasium, library, playroom, hair salon, education center, and professional kitchen. I can understand education, a library, even a kitchen. I'm all for helping out the poor. But do they really need incentives to become homeless? I think my solution to the problem would be to get them out of San Fransisco. It's like the most expensive place in the world to live. If you give one of these guys a construction job in Lost Hills, CA, they'll be the richest guys on the block. They could afford a home, and a drug habit, and it wouldn't be costing the people of San Fransisco.

It's about 10:00 A.M., and the Catholic Church just decided who gets to wear the funny hat following the death of Pope John Paul. Three days after his 78th birthday, German cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has taken the position of the father of all Catholics. Pope Benedict has a nice ring to it, I'm happy with it, but I still think Pope Ratzinger would've been way cooler. The decision took all of two days, which was good, because in the past it has taken over two years to make a decision. Fortunately, there was a general consensus and we came to a decision relatively quickly, and we didn't have to hear about this on the news every day for very long. Now we can move on to more relevant things, like Michael Jackson's molestation trial, and the next sighting of the Virgin Mary in an inanimate object. Well this has been a fun adventure, but my Papacy A.D.D. has forced me towards another train of thought, so as usual, you'll have to find your insight elsewhere.

Unlike most weekends, this weekend I payed meticulous attention to the news. However, I don't remember a thing, apart from China's shenanigans. The great thing about Monday, is that today's headlines reflect what the weekend's headlines have been leading up to. I don't know what that means either, but I figured it sounds like a good excuse to look at today's headlines. First things first, the big news of the day is that nothing happened. From the black smoke pouring out of the chimney of the Sistene Chapel, we can coclude that no decision has been reached, and there is nothing to talk about. So that's what everyone is talking about, but other really big things are happening too. For example, a 70 foot wave hit a cruise ship over the weekend. It was so big, everyone got free drinks all night! That must have been the best cruise ever. A group of elders from Burma's Shan ethnic group has declared a Shan State independent from the military junta. If you know what that's about, then you need to get a life. Italy is in a political crisis due to a dispute concerning reshuffling. I didn't read enough of that story to find oout what "reshuffling" is, because whoever wrote it had trouble using the spacebar. Singapore has lifted it's ban on gambling, following an emerging Asian trend of allowing people to come into the country and give them money for no reason. Apparently they have gotten tired of opium over there in Asia, and they are looking to import new vices. Perhaps a spike in crime finally teach them not to copy us. Lance Armstrong has decided that this will be the last time he competes in the Tour de France, giving us another reason to not pay attention to France. Rapper Earl Simmons' (DMX) traffic record continues to worsen after he caused a 3 car collision over the weekend. To learn more about D.J. hipster Earl, pick yourself up a copy of his book. E.A.R.L. traces Earl's life from growing up in the mean streets of Yonkers, NY to how he became the role model he is today. A new study out of Europe has linked childhood obesity to fat babies. Ever get up in the morning and thank God for Europe and it's contributions to the world? Yeah, I don't either. Saddam's enemies have requested the death penalty if he is found guilty. That's no surprise to me, I want to know what they'll do if he's found innocent. Police in Nepal attacked transgendered people. Police in Fayetteville, GA chased down a 250 lb. skinny dipper, and his mistress (who is probably super-hot) in a high-speed golf cart chase. Students in San Fransisco have been cutting class to protest the fact that their bathrooms aren't maintained to their standards. The high school students want a "clean, healthy environment" with more toilet seat covers. Yeah, sure, we all know what you guys really want those toilet seat covers for. *wink, wink* Okay someone is going to have to explain that joke to me, because I don't get it. A record number of Germans are suffering from depression, or mental illness according to a new report. Wow, Germany, maybe you could stop forcing unemployed women into prostitution. Just a passing thought. Things are heating up between China and Japan. I can't, for the life of me, figure out what is going on over there. We'll see what happens this week, it might actually be interesting. I can't promise anything though. Hillary Clinton still insists that she isn't thinking about running for president right now. I guess that makes her the only one who isn't talking about her presidential bid in '08. Remember she has "no intention of running for president." Some poor chap in Texas is upset because he says the RNC took his idea of combining a "W" and the American Flag for Bush's '04 campaign. Those evil conservatives just have no respect for intellectual property rights.

If you are opinionated, uninformed, emotional college student who just wants to make the world better, PETA is one of the ultimate places you could very well end up. Whatever point they try to make gets lost in the manner in which they conduct themselves. I found this gem in the latest story out of Texas when a mob of three protestors stood outside of KFC, apparently voicing their opinions on people who eat dead chickens.

“All we want them (slaughter houses) to do is gas the chickens instead of killing them.”

Uh-huh, so instead of killing the chicken, cooking it, and so forth, you'd rather administer a dose of non-lethal gas, and serve it to the customer. I am assuming the gas would somehow knock the chicken unconcious, which would make it a little easier to jab your fork into.

This reminded me of a previous story with even more protesters in our nation's capitol. About forty protestors turned out, and one of them blessed us with this insight into their cause:

"Every year on average, a vegetarian saves 83 [chicken] lives, so that is why we are here today,"

Needless to say, I'm sure somebody eight those eighty-three chickens, but that really has little to do with why you protest in front of KFC. Armed with your "scientific fact", a tireless determination to change the world, and a dweeb in a chicken suit, you devote your life to a cause that you are passionately emotional about. You put in 110% into each and every protest, and aren't discouraged by the fact that every time you are quoted in the newspaper, editors have to fill in the blanks with (parenthesis) to help the rest of us make sense of your opinion. I salute you for your persistence, and applaud your continued devotion to your protest. After all, everyone loves reading about animal-rights activists getting soaked by KFC's sprinkler system while they are out discrediting themselves with quotes like these:

"We feel animals have the same rights as a retarded human child."

"The human race could go extinct and I for one would not shed any tears."

Read more hilarious animal-rights activist quotes here.

Oh, and if you happen to be an animal rights activist, these guys are going to kill an innocent bunny unless they earn $50,000 dollars from their merchandise at savetoby.com! By tugging at the irrational heartstrings of animal-rights activists, they've already made about $24,000. Emotional Blackmail, why can't I think of things like this???

About this time last year, the U.S. Department of Labor did a study on the first two months of 2004 concerning the impact of outsourcing on the job market. I am doing a presentation on this subject tomorrow, so I made this graph to show what percentages of jobs lost were actually outsourced during the given time period. I thought I'd post it and establish, with a little picture, just what a collosal idiot Bush is for losing so many jobs to overseas market.





The circle represents the jobs lost in January-March 2004, the yellow sliver is what was lost due to outsourcing, and the blue is everything else. If only Bush had implemented more protectionist policies, then the blue circle could have been even bigger! Arguably the same policies would have an negatively exponential effect on the amount of jobs created in the following months, but who even knows what that means?

Job loss is a sad fact of life, and despite this travesty, the United States employs more people today than it ever has before- close to 140 million. What gets me is that before Bush was re-elected there was so much sympathy for those hurt by outsourcing. Since then, I haven't heard a word about it. I guess I'm not the only person with "Liberal Rhetoric A.D.D.", Liberals seem to have all been stricken with the same disorder as soon as they lost the election.

It could soon be legal to shoot stray cats in Wisconsin. Woohoo! Lock 'N Load, lets string us up some kitties. This oughta be a hit among cat people. Cat people are funny in that they take any threat, sign of hostility, or joke directed at a cat completely personally. If you say cats smell bad, they act as if their own children have been insulted. If you say they should be hunted because they've amassed in large numbers and are threatening the ecosystem, they send you death threats. If these cats were on my land, eating my crops, and tearing up my irrigation lines, they'd be goners. These "feral" cats are often malnourished and skiddish of human beings. They have a hard time feeding themselves, and they don't posess the skills and opposable thumbs required to be successful in the workforce. If they were human beings, they could easily have fallen victim to their "right to die" by now. Wisconsin residents are ready to start controlling the populations with their 12 guages and .22's, but some have their reservations. Apparently the practice of cat hunting is inhumane. Who would have guessed. Many states have programs set up to kill all kinds of animals that are considered pests. These cats are obviously pests, or this debate wouldn't be held in the first place. It's the pet factor that is involved here. People think of their own little kitty and shudder at the thought of it being shot by some mean old hunter. Wisconsin isn't going to allow people to walk up and down the streets of Milwaukee, shooting at your pet cat. They're going to allow them to head out into the wilderness, and help control a feline overpopulation that is damaging the ecosystem. If these were squirrels, possums, or non-endangered rodents, there wouldn't be so much controversey. The only reason hunting cats is inhumane is because so many of them have names.

Update: Wisconsin's governor has rejected the idea of allowing hunters to kill stray cats. He apparently is afraid that the other states will make fun of Wisconsin if they allow this. I guess he heard one too many jokes about Minnesota and South Dakota allowing people to kill cat's because his official position is:

"What it does is sort of hold us up as a state that everybody is kind of laughing at right now."

That's good news for Wisconsin's estimated 2 million stray cats that wander the countryside, but bad news for the 47 million to 139 million songbirds eaten each year by these cats. Hey, but nobody is laughing at Wisconsin, and that's what is really important.

It's 12:30 A.M., Monday enough for me. I have had a lot going on, so as usual, I've payed little attention to the news. So what is happening you ask? Well, let's find out. First things first, scientists are able to control live fruit flies with laser beams. I want one of those laser beams. These could come in really handy for training pets to do stupid tricks, convincing a shark that he doesn't want to bite you, or simply hitching a ride on a passing llama. Other stuff in the news includes another surprise visit to Iraq by Donald Rumsfeld, another lawsuit involving Microsoft, and another plea from Russia's richest prisoner, Mikhail Khordorkovsky, who has hinted at the possibility of corruption within the ranks of the Russian government. Of course he'd say that, I still think he's guilty of trying to be a capitalist in Russia. Nepal rebels attacked a prison east of Katmandu. They are still fighting for a Communist revolution over there, that's how behind the times they are. Apparently smoking while pregnant can not only affect your children, but their children as well. This study only proves to me how bogus these studies are. Smoking does not alter your DNA, and science can easily prove that. They run the numbers through a computer, find a "link", and announce it as the word of God herself, and expect everyone to buy it. Remember when all of these studies came oout linking brain tumors to cell phones? All of a sudden regulations were imposed, and the strong arm of the law came down and slapped a warning sticker on everything that had the words "cell" or "phone" in it. It turns out those are bogus as well. That's right, someone decided to hire some scientists to actually conduct a comprehensive study on the link, and they've discovered that it was all B.S. all along. Remember that next time you lose an important call due to government regulations forcing cell phones to use weaker signals. Yeap, there was no point to them whatsoever. Tiger Woods is back on top, and I don't care. More accusations are being made against Michael Jackson, and I still don't care. They should just let him walk free and get it over with. Watching this trial is like watching a really boring, 14-month-long movie that you already know the ending to. Even this morning's hostage situation was more exciting. "Oh look, that police officer is approaching the car with a cell phone, wheee!" Well that's about it for the stew. Remember, those of you who have always dreamed of being known as a village idiot need to act quickly. Due to the nature of political correctness, fewer and fewer villages officially recognize their idiots anymore, but if you can make an impression on the folks in Story, Indiana, you might still be able to nab the title.

Ah, Mexico. Our sunny southern neighbor does have its issues, doesn't it? The mayor of Mexico City, is getting ready for his arrest on charges that he obstructed the construction of a road to brand new hospital. Many see this as a political ploy, in fact, 80% of some Mexicans do. You can read Mayor Lopez Obrador's side of the story in this statement from Marxist.com. It's no secret that he is a left-winger, and his arrest does look suspiciously like a setup. The charges aren't really that major, but the key ingredient here is his legal immunity.

Mexico has this system that apparently makes all elected officials immune to investigation, prosecution, and seemingly the law. If you lose this immunity through the "desafuero" process, then you aren't allowed to run for office, ever again. A "desafuero" has been been declared over this land dispute against Obrador, who is the wildly popular favorite to run against the wildly unpopular Presidente Fox. Coincidentally, it was Fox who issued the desafuero, barring his popular opponent from running against him next year.

The problem with Mexico, is that the Capitalists are seen as too corrupt to inspire confidence in their voters. Obrador's record isn't white as snow, but Fox's blatant attempts to disqualify him only rally support for a man who has already done alot of favors for his voters. Fox has already announced that he will not run for re-election after a series of scandals pressured him to do so. Mexico's biggest issue right now is corruption, and if it takes a left wing populist to bring transparency to the government, that's how it will go. Even a socialist can inadvertently lead their country into the modern economic world, simply by eliminating corruption. Less corruption makes investors more secure. More investment means a more Liberal economy, and a more Liberal economy means more prosperity, and an all around better Mexico. If Obrador can make it happen, then more power to him, because I'm tired of paying for healthcare for millions of illegal Mexican immigrants. Until they are legal American citizens, that should be Mexico's job.

A new report came out claiming that fat people cost my home state of California an estimated $21.7 billion dollars in medical care, worker's compensation, and lost productivity. Of course this story exists to call for more programs to "raise awareness" and try and get people to be skinnier. Someone once said that eventually socialists run out of other people's money. I think this is happening in California. We have made all sorts of promises to people, including healthcare and workers compensation, that the state and private employers can not afford to keep. I want to let CA legislators in on a little secret. You do not have to pay for fat people's healthcare. If we can afford to be fat, we can afford our own healthcare. Instead of spending more money on more programs, and more restrictions, and more lawsuits against food companies, we should simply declare that obesity-related health issues are not the responsibility of anyone else but the fat person themself. As long as someone else is paying for it, people will continue to be fat. Somehow, California legislators don't understand the concept of not being involved in everyone's life to the point of dictating their diet, and continue to try and save money with more and more programs. The Governator is already pushing for more of these programs in his own campaign against fat people. You know what, Arnold, don't talk to me about MY weight until you lose a few pounds yourself.

Plans are in the pipe to develop George W. Bush's childhood home into a bustling tourist attraction. They are raising money to clean the place up, remove the asbestos, and restore it to it's original splendor. They're even hoping "to find a 1950s car like the one owned by George and Barbara Bush." George Bush is still alive, so perhaps they could ask him what kind of car he drove in the 50's, which would narrow down their search a bit. They've done their homework. The "history and research" section features two videos of old family friends of the Bush's. I haven't seen them yet, but I'm quite sure they are fascinating. I think this could really catch on. Maybe I will build a George W. Bush's childhood home of my own in Shafter, CA. I could open up a whole chain of them with locations all over the world. George W. Bush's Childhood Home Bar & Grill. It's kinda catchy, it just needs an annoying theme song. I bet it would launch a presidential childhood home phenomenon. Ronald Regan's Childhood Home Family Restauraunt, William J. Clinton's Childhood Home Gentleman's Club, the possibilities are endless. Nothing can memorialize a President quite like a tourist trap can.

What a momentous Monday. It's the first Monday after the Pope died. Christians are flocking to Rome to pay their respects. I'm not one of them, I can see better from right here in front of my T.V. It was a double wammy for me this weekend to lose both the Pope, and Mitch Hedburg, but I am moving on. According to the brilliant minds in the media, it looks like the Pope's successor will be a gay Jewish black woman who speaks Spanish. No word on who will replace Hedburg, as if anyone could. Minutemen are making the news these days. Some say they are renegade rednecks who won't hesitate to shoot at will, others say they are simply helping our border patrol agent secure our borders by reporting violations. The problem of illegal immigrants is so massive that I don't even care anymore. Let's teach them English and how to discipline their kids, and call it even. Just be glad that there are people out there with better attention spans than mine. Saudi Arabia has killed seven more militants after a siege that had gone on all weekend as Saudi Arabia's king tries to stay off the Axis of Evil list. Bush is talking about bringing Ukraine into NATO. That sounds like a good idea to me. I remember reading that doing so would hurt Russian weapons exports, and I'm for anything that will disarm Iran. Crude oil is a little cheaper, and OPEC exports have increased a little. I have a feeling that it won't last. G-Mail's memory limit is going up to two gigabytes per account. I still remember when that was alot of memory. I saw Maria Sharapova suffer a crushing defeat at the racket of Kim Clijster over the weekend. If you follow tennis, or Maria Sharapova, you might be interested in that story. There have been quite a few bombings in Nepal lately. It's gotten so bad, that anyone who wants to drive on the highway has to wait around for an armed military escort. The violence has resulted in an anti-maoist backlash among villagers armed with bamboo sticks, and a 400 year-old relic was stolen, but I don't think that's related to this story at all. Speaking of things that aren't related to the rebellion in Nepal, a Burmese woman is breastfeeding two baby tigers at a zoo in Rangoon. You probably saw this on Drudge, but I figured I'd immortalize it in the Monday Stew anyway.

If North Korea and South Korea would unite, Kim Jong Il would fall.

I think Matt Drudge is Catholic.

I read a quote that pretty much summed up the entirety of the Liberal mind-set. "We're just not open-minded enough to like Ann Coulter," Richardson, 28, of Lawrence, said.

I also like this quote: "Ann Coulter is logical, rational and an independent thinker," he said. "In essence, everything the left hates in their womenfolk."

The War of 1812 was referred to as "Mr. Madison's War." That's how old that joke is. I don't think it's funny anymore. The punchline wears off after about 200 years.

I think at the end of the day, the Pope is gonna hobble out of the hospital, do a Willy Wonka style somersault, and shout "April Fools!"

I think at the end of the day, Mitch Hedburg is gonna hobble out of the hospital, do a Willy Wonka style somersault, and shout "April Fools!"