Tuesday, April 12, 2005
It's 12:30 A.M., Monday enough for me. I have had a lot going on, so as usual, I've payed little attention to the news. So what is happening you ask? Well, let's find out. First things first, scientists are able to control live fruit flies with laser beams. I want one of those laser beams. These could come in really handy for training pets to do stupid tricks, convincing a shark that he doesn't want to bite you, or simply hitching a ride on a passing llama. Other stuff in the news includes another surprise visit to Iraq by Donald Rumsfeld, another lawsuit involving Microsoft, and another plea from Russia's richest prisoner, Mikhail Khordorkovsky, who has hinted at the possibility of corruption within the ranks of the Russian government. Of course he'd say that, I still think he's guilty of trying to be a capitalist in Russia. Nepal rebels attacked a prison east of Katmandu. They are still fighting for a Communist revolution over there, that's how behind the times they are. Apparently smoking while pregnant can not only affect your children, but their children as well. This study only proves to me how bogus these studies are. Smoking does not alter your DNA, and science can easily prove that. They run the numbers through a computer, find a "link", and announce it as the word of God herself, and expect everyone to buy it. Remember when all of these studies came oout linking brain tumors to cell phones? All of a sudden regulations were imposed, and the strong arm of the law came down and slapped a warning sticker on everything that had the words "cell" or "phone" in it. It turns out those are bogus as well. That's right, someone decided to hire some scientists to actually conduct a comprehensive study on the link, and they've discovered that it was all B.S. all along. Remember that next time you lose an important call due to government regulations forcing cell phones to use weaker signals. Yeap, there was no point to them whatsoever. Tiger Woods is back on top, and I don't care. More accusations are being made against Michael Jackson, and I still don't care. They should just let him walk free and get it over with. Watching this trial is like watching a really boring, 14-month-long movie that you already know the ending to. Even this morning's hostage situation was more exciting. "Oh look, that police officer is approaching the car with a cell phone, wheee!" Well that's about it for the stew. Remember, those of you who have always dreamed of being known as a village idiot need to act quickly. Due to the nature of political correctness, fewer and fewer villages officially recognize their idiots anymore, but if you can make an impression on the folks in Story, Indiana, you might still be able to nab the title.