Monday, April 25, 2005


Monday Stew

Well, it's Monday, at least it is on the left side of the country. Here is a look at what is going on. The big story is the train wreck in Japan. I'm not going to tell you how many were killed, because as soon as I do, the death toll will go up again. It was bad, and it's only a story because people died, and our media has a morbid fascination with things like death, rape, pedophilia, and incest if they can get their hands on it. The whole Wendy's chili finger thing turned out to be a hoax. Apparently everyone fell for it. That's right, America got Punk'd! Well, if you are dissapointed, and you still need a reason to avoid Wendy's, you can read this piece about a woman getting raped by two cooks in a Wendy's bathroom. I'm still looking for examples of death, pedophilia and incest at a Wendy's restaurant but if the story is there to be told, a news outlet will pick up on it. Don't you worry. Moving right along, it turns out that despite the close relationship between Bush and and the Saudi crown prince, it looks like gas will still be expensive. Go figure, I thought they had solved everything yesterday. Hubble snapped a couple more photos yesterday. A Navajo council banned gay marriage in their community, and for once I actually felt good about the whole indian reservation deal. I would think this would be a bigger story, but I guess the media isn't comfortable when two liberal protectorates are pitted against each other. After all, people died today and we have to know about it. Microsoft made a statement about it's next OS, dubbed "longhorn." I am entirely disinterested in that story, I hope you don't mind. I found this interesting story. It's about a pilot who bombed Saigon in Vietnam or something like that. I didn't really read it, but I'm sure it has a lot of good stuff to say about Vietnam today. It's like my Modern Asia prof. always says, "Vietnam, it's a country not a war." To which I telepathically reply, "Whatever Holmes." Where was I..? Oh, right, Indonesia is not allowing the U.N. to go in and investigate their country. My advice to Indonesia is to hang in there. Take it from us, the last thing you want in your country is the U.N. The ousted Ecuadorian president, "El Loco", is receiving asylum in Brazil, according to Canada, and this guy lit his T-shirt on fire and threw it over a wall. Bill Frist is talking up the nuclear option concerning Judicial nominees. If the Republicans somehow all get spine implants in the near future, they apparently could consider doing away with the filibuster option concerning judicial nominees. Meanwhile the British are dealing with their own nuclear option. It looks as if the White House is considering drumming up a U.N. resolution against North Korea. Of course, we all know how effective U.N. resolutions are. I bet North Korea is shaking in it's boots, because when the U.N. puts its foot down, stuff gets done. Hang on a sec, my tounge seems to have gotten lodged in my cheek. .. .. .. There we go, much better. The U.N. is irrelevant and serves no purpose to humanity except to enrich corrupt officials, and give France an opportunity to feel much more important than they really are. Moving on: Local U.S. police forces, and the Mexican military have both gotten involved in problems along the southern border. Here is an update on the textbook war going on in East Asia. It looks like Japan is defending their textbooks as fair and balanced, and accused China's textbooks of being too extreme. Anyone else think that there might more to this than reading material? The U.K. has invented a gadget that turns off people's TV's from 45 ft. away, and inserts a message about how T.V. is "killing conversation." It will be used as part of a week long anti-TV protest. Yet another important contribution from Europe, when do these guys sleep? Wow, this is a long stew. Even I'm bored of it. How about a story about cheerleaders. Apparently, Christian schools are cleaning up the act. That's not what you wanted to hear? Well then, maybe you're a pervert. Or maybe you'd rather read about exploding toads. Who am I to judge?

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