Friday, April 15, 2005


Animal-Rights A.D.D.

If you are opinionated, uninformed, emotional college student who just wants to make the world better, PETA is one of the ultimate places you could very well end up. Whatever point they try to make gets lost in the manner in which they conduct themselves. I found this gem in the latest story out of Texas when a mob of three protestors stood outside of KFC, apparently voicing their opinions on people who eat dead chickens.

“All we want them (slaughter houses) to do is gas the chickens instead of killing them.”

Uh-huh, so instead of killing the chicken, cooking it, and so forth, you'd rather administer a dose of non-lethal gas, and serve it to the customer. I am assuming the gas would somehow knock the chicken unconcious, which would make it a little easier to jab your fork into.

This reminded me of a previous story with even more protesters in our nation's capitol. About forty protestors turned out, and one of them blessed us with this insight into their cause:

"Every year on average, a vegetarian saves 83 [chicken] lives, so that is why we are here today,"

Needless to say, I'm sure somebody eight those eighty-three chickens, but that really has little to do with why you protest in front of KFC. Armed with your "scientific fact", a tireless determination to change the world, and a dweeb in a chicken suit, you devote your life to a cause that you are passionately emotional about. You put in 110% into each and every protest, and aren't discouraged by the fact that every time you are quoted in the newspaper, editors have to fill in the blanks with (parenthesis) to help the rest of us make sense of your opinion. I salute you for your persistence, and applaud your continued devotion to your protest. After all, everyone loves reading about animal-rights activists getting soaked by KFC's sprinkler system while they are out discrediting themselves with quotes like these:

"We feel animals have the same rights as a retarded human child."

"The human race could go extinct and I for one would not shed any tears."

Read more hilarious animal-rights activist quotes here.

Oh, and if you happen to be an animal rights activist, these guys are going to kill an innocent bunny unless they earn $50,000 dollars from their merchandise at! By tugging at the irrational heartstrings of animal-rights activists, they've already made about $24,000. Emotional Blackmail, why can't I think of things like this???

I am at present holding 11 million dust mites hostage and will turn on my vacuum cleaner if I don't get £500,000. If you are willing to pick up the ransom, I'll split it with you!

Thanks for your visit to H I, your comments and for your entertaining blog. Regards
£500,000? That's only £.045 per mite. You'd think we could get more than that! I guess that's what happens when you ransom in bulk...
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