Monday, January 09, 2006


Monday Stew

It's January the 9th, and it seems like so far, the only thing that's new is the year. Andrea Yates is pleading insanity, Cheney is making visits to the hospital, a few Democrats are trying to impeach president Bush, Apple is releasing new gadgets to dazzle customers. Personally, I'm bored of being dazzled. Howard Stern's radio show will be raunchier than ever, earning him an impressive load of free advertising courtesy of the press and media. Pink got married in Costa Rica, Afghanistan's Karzai Invites Contact with Taliban's Mullah Omar, God has died in Europe and no one showed up for the funeral, and Democrats have accused the Republicans of Capitalist tactics. So happy same old year to you and your kin, as we look forward to 360 more days of Democrats vs. Republicans, drawn out trials of scumbags like David Ludwig, and a whole slew of really stupid Taco Bell commercials. Meanwhile I will be on the edge of my seat to see if Ariel Sharon will make it out of his coma. Either way, I wouldn't bet on peace in the Middle East just yet. On the subject of those darn Jews and all of their lies, apparently some people still believed that the Holocaust actually happened. Fortunately for those of us who want a clear perspective on world history, Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and several of his top officials have decided to set the record straight. The Holocaust was a myth. Thanks Iran, now get back to your enriched uranium projects. Otherwise the country of Iran might go dark in the absence of nuclear power plants, since oil is in short supply over there, and you are concerned about the environment and stuff. I'm sure glad you haven't thought of constructing a nuclear arsenal funded entirely by the European's pathetic attempts to appease you, because that would be scary. In other news, young teens are happier in their relationships when they don't have sex. There are still idiots to be found in California, and in a new earth-shattering ruling, mooning has been deemed legal in the state of Maryland. Apparently it's only indecent exposure if your genitals can be seen. Thanks to this ruling, Frugal male Maryland residents can now limit their entire outfit to a single, modestly placed tube sock. I'll tack this on the growing list of reasons that make me glad to live on the opposite side of the country from Maryland.

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