Thursday, December 01, 2005


Smell With Your Nose, Not With Your Hands.

I've been looking around and I've noticed that nothing is happening today. Who wants to talk about the EU's increasing interest rates? What difference does it make if the just found the Avian bird flu in California? A pack of crazed squirrels killed a dog out of desperation due to a pinecone shortage? Whoop-dee-do. That probably happens all the time, and I'm sure it will eventually be blamed on America, global warming, and the Bush Administration. Not to mention Dick Cheney, Halliburton, the CIA and Tom Delay. Instead of going into all of that, I'd like to issue this friendly reminder to my fellow Americans to not stop and pick the flowers. It is illegal to pick some flowers and you may go to jail. Especially if those flowers are orchids and you are selling them on e-Bay. If you must pick a flower make sure you first identify it and call your local EPA chapter and confirm that the flower is not one of an illegal variety and that you are within the bounds of the law in plucking the flower and perhaps selling it for personal revenue. If you get caught plucking the wrong kind of flower, I'd recommend you just plead insanity. Maybe you could escape the maximum 1 year prison sentence, and spend six-months in a mental institution instead. Once you are "cured" of your maniacal desire to pick flowers, you will be released and allowed to walk among the rest of us. While some parents may be wary of living on the same block as a registered flower offender, most of us will never know of your dark, cheery passion and you'll be treated like a normal citizen. You may have trouble getting work at OSH or Home Depot, but as long as you can keep your hands out of Mrs. Pettinger's daisy garden, you'll be able to live a relatively normal life, because that's what makes America great... second chances.

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