Monday, September 26, 2005


Just When You Thought It Was Safe...

Well, this is a little embarassing. It appears as if Hurricane Katrina has let lose a bunch of dolphins who are armed and dangerous. Apparently the United States army has admitted to training dolphins to shoot would-be submerged terrorists with tranquilizer guns. Now we may have "lost" them in somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, which means they are probably tranquilizing random Cuban immigrants as we speak. The army insists that they are safe and sound, however, so there is no need to panic. The only source I could find for this story was the link to The Guardian on Drudge, so I am fully aware that it isn't true. I am also fully aware that it is a really good idea, if you could pull it off. I'm not sure how you can get a dolphin to shoot anything, as they really don't very many opposable body parts. Perhaps their jaw, but that seems a little ridiculous. It would be more practical to train Gorillas to use AK-47's. It would also make a better movie. Exploding Caterpillars would be useful to. So would genetically altered porcupines the size of elephants with ricin-laced spines, and giant skunks with parachutes, and a Liger if they could ever invent one. I am going to apply for an R&D position at the Pentagon, I think they could really use me in a few of their think tanks.

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