Monday, February 07, 2005


Monday Stew

The super bowl is over, the Patriots won. Hooray for Tom Brady. That's who I was rooting for, not that black guy who got Rush fired. Rush was obviously right about him, he is only a quarterback because he is black, and he's all hype. He proved that last night by losing the Super Bowl... So anyway, the halftime show was much improved this year. Paul McCartany was a much better alternative to Janet Jackson's boob flapping around. The only time shirts were popping off of ladies was during the commercials. And that's okay, because those women were hot, and nobody knows their name. Plus, they were funny. "I didn't mean to upset the comittee." I guess if it's their job to be a piece of meat designed to lure hapless fat guys into purchasing whatever product correlates to the logo stamped across the one spot where their eyes never drift from, then we understand. But a washed up Michael Jackson look-alike being undressed by a homo-monkey? Sorry, get off the stage. I guess what I am trying to say is congratulations to Tom Brady. He played it well. Eagles sucked, though, what was up with the onside kick? You had 2 whole minutes left in the game! Bush and Clinton were hanging out on the field before the game. Those two have become the best of friends lately. Throw in Jimmy Carter, and you've got yourself a sitcom. Apparently stuff other than the football game did happen over the weekend. Bush signed his budget. Right away the Democrats started whining. "He's starving poor children, and running over puppies with SUV's, etc." How did I know that after all of their grousing about Bush's deficits, they'd be opposed to any solution he comes up with? I'm psychic, that's all there is to it. West Hollywood is banning plastic surgery for their pets. Sorry Ms. Hilton, you'll have to fly to Canada to get your puppy a snout job. Thailand promised to do a better job, economically speaking. NASA can't save Hubble, and apparently it's Bush's fault for not giving them the 400 Bazillion Dollars they needed to do it with. NASA, you get plenty of money, fix the best thing you've ever created. The mayor of New York is appealing for a ban on gay marriage, even though he says he is in favor of gay marriage. Uh-huh. He sounds like a closet homophobe to me. The new Playstation 3 chip was unveiled. Drool. The Pope is still in the hospital, but only he can decide to retire. I don't know if that's such a good system... And to end this weeks stew, a heartwarming story of one of America's oldest institutions. A lawsuit was filed against a movie theater because a security guard would not let a woman take her seeing eye dog in. Apparently, for some stupid reason, the theater didn't want the 230 pound English Mastiff named "Little Monster" to be allowed inside. Because of this she had to refund her tickets, and the poor blind woman didn't get to see the movie. Let's see here, you got the refund, and you didn't have to sit through "Shall We Dance," which would suck, even if you are already blind prior to going in. You're suing, why?

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