Thursday, December 09, 2004



This is a wild story. Apparently we are giving human parts to animals now in our research of those stem cell thingies that Bush has recently baned in order to make sure helpless children die of cancer, or lung failure, or however the sob story goes. It appears that Bush didn't ban it good enough, because now we are doing crazy experiments like mixing quails with chickens, and giving human brain cells to mice. Now, I understand that a mouse with human intelligence would be nice, because they could go to the bathroom in a designated area, which would decrease stench and make cleaning their cage alot easier. This would probably be helpful to laboratories that do experiments on the buggers to, because the mice wouldn't bite scientists as often, transmitting whatever life threatening diseases are being experimented with on them. Sure, there is always the threat of them taking up arms, and leading a revolt, but that can be dealt with easily enough. My question is, how many brain cells is too many. When we give a chimp the brain of a human, will he be my pet or peer? We are already seriously asking ourselves this question. I think we should at least get to enjoy a few decades of slavery with these freak "humanzees" before we start thinking about their rights and stuff. I mean, why should they get special treatment. The Blacks, Orientals, and Mexicans all had to fight for equal rights in this country, we should make the monkey men do the same. It builds character. I think the trick would be in the genetics. If we make them intelligent enough to clean our houses, empty our dishwashers, and drive us to work, but not quite intelligent enough to band together, take advantage of our minority-friendly political system, and telephone the ACLU, then the only people who would care about their rights are hippies. And nobody listens to hippies. From the looks of it we have the capability to create these things, but evidently there is a Bible verse that forbids genetically combining humans and animals, so I'm afraid we're out of luck for the time being. We have to wait until enough churches warm up to the idea of letting scientists play God. Seeing as how they aren't as influential as they used to be, thanks to Political Correctness, it shouldn't be too long. All we need is a Supreme Court ruling in favor of intelligent monkey-slaves, and it will be legal. Until then, clean your own house you bum, and join the army. We are still forced to rely on purebred men for armed combat, and not superpowerful gorilla warriors capable of operating high tech equipment.

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