A.D.D.

How the West Was Lost

2009-09-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

I had a thought today.

Our government is taking our nation out at the knees. It seems like no matter what industry you want to get into, both federal and state governments are now providing you with endless paperwork, fees and nitpicking regulations that suck the enjoyment for people who were getting along just fine without them.

Its like you are trying to take a bath and some fat guy comes in and sits down in your bathtub with you, splashing all of the water out and leaving you far less room to maneuver and accomplish what you are trying to do. Also you are naked and would appreciate a little privacy.

But it gets worse. Here in CA, they've made enemies out of producers. They've already chased out the miners. They've just about done away with logging. Agriculture is next. Make no mistake, the attack on farmers via the "endangered species act" is not a flub or a misplaced ideology, and it was never about the Delta Smelt. It is an underhanded and calculated attack on agriculture in California. Certain people, and you'd have to ask them what their motives are, want to see a flat-out end to production in this state. Already farmers across the state are idling their ground and filing for bankruptcy. And it is exactly the scenario that the powers that be want to see. If this weren't the case, we would never make it to such a fantastically absurd situation in which we see lives destroyed on account of an arguably worthless minnow.

Hetch Hetchy Valley would be as beautiful and revered as the Yosemite Valley were it not underwater, and it is probably teeming with species that might be affected by the giant water pumps in it's water channels. You never hear a word spoken by these "green" groups about this area, because the Hetch Hetchy Reservoir provides the drinking water for San Francisco. If it was needed for agriculture use, I guarantee that there would be another minnow or cricket or fern in some sort of peril in Hetch Hetchy that would warrant the draining of its reservoir and the denial of its water to those who are paying for it.

Do you want to know why China will be the next superpower? It isn't because they own our national debt, or because they have alot of people. It is because they know how to mobilize their workforce and utilize their natural resources. China is a so-called Communist country, yet the Republic of the United States has far more social programs than China does. Furthermore it is very arguable that the current leadership of the U.S. values the philosophies of Marxism and Socialism far more than Chinese officials do, simply by merit of the organizations and the relationships that the President and his cabinet members have been a part of throughout their entire political careers versus the strategic, free-market maneuverings of the PRC, which are commonplace among washed-up and disillusioned Communist countries.

Whereas the Chinese are rapidly finding and asserting new freedoms and voices in their government, the citizenry of United States is, more rapidly of late, watching theirs diminish. Production is being trampled. Private sectors are being raided. And the Bill of Rights no longer protects people as it once did. This is the New Deal. And it isn't a new New Deal, we're simply following through with the same old New Deal FDR made with us in the 20's. It takes a while, but when you give the government a cookie, sooner or later it's going to take all of your milk, declare your cows an environmental hazard (true story), and try its darndest to run you out of town.

I'm Posting on my Blog

2008-09-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

But don't tell anyone. Hopefully, you are not even reading this. It took me almost an hour to get past Google's captcha hurdle regain access to my account so I figured I might as well post. The world is pretty much how I left it a year and a half ago. Not much to add. President Bush's term is almost up and now his office is up for grabs. I don't see why people try so hard to get that job. I was going to apply, but when I found an application, it said it required "experience in the field of public service". I don't understand how I am supposed to get experience in the field of public service if every job requires experience in public service! I should've just applied, somehow Obama got away with it.

Another important thing that happened is a landmark ruling coming out Palm Beach. Apparently laws banning baggy pants are unconstitutional. This was decided by a judge who thought it was a little excessive when a kid spent a night in jail for wearing them. It is a sad day for decency. First they'll tell us we can't outlaw baggy pants. Soon we won't be able to make people wear their seatbelts or stop using their fireplaces. At this rate, there may come a day when we can't even tell people how many pets they can have! We lose ground to the forces of liberty each time a ruling like this is passed, and no one even seems to care.

Other than that, nothing new to report since early 2006, otherwise somebody would have told me and I would have posted it. Get on with your life and stop wasting your time reading my blog!

Monday Stew

2006-05-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's May Day, (International Worker's Day), and we are all happily celebrating the social and economic achievements of the international labor party. I've got my International worker's day tree all set up in the living room and we've hid government cheese all over the house so the kiddies can find it. But wouldn't you know, some have gone and politicized this peaceful holiday. The Communist Party has riled up the Mexicans and told them not to work on May 1st. So now all of the hispanic students and truck drivers and anyone else who can afford to skip a day of work are going to do so just to prove how unreasonable it would be to kick all of the Mexicans out of the United States. I was at FoodMax last night and I did notice that there was an unusually large crowd of lower income latinos getting their pre-boycott shopping done. Our governor said this boycott would "hurt everyone," but I think FoodMax will be able to ride it out. So what else is going on? Bird Flu was found in New Jersey. Oil Prices are at about $73 dollars today after falling from $75 to about $71 last week. Our gas prices keep going up anyway. I love Capitalism, but oil companies definately embody the worst the free market has to offer. Ask anyone who has ever been involved with one legally. Out here in California they are legally allowed to take whatever land they choose to from local farmers without so much as a 'thank-you'... and they do. If they decide they can make money from an acre of your land, say goodbye to that section of your orchard. If you are a long term sort of investor, buy Microsoft today. Its share price fell about $3.00, shaving $32 Billion from its net worth. That was enough to purchase Costco. The price droppped right after Microsoft reported that it was shifting its focus to long term investments rather than short term profits. They just found a case of bird flu in New Jersey, and Google is making money off of your typos. Osama wants those Danish cartoonists handed over. China and Russia are warning the U.N. not to antagonize Iran. After all, those two have too much invested in Iran for a confrontation. The U.N. of all organizations should be able to sympathize with this. Life expectancy in the U.S. recently jumped up to 78, but it may drop to 1 year in New Jersey, where they just found the bird flu. There was a dog in Illinois recently burned down his owner's apartment. Thats what happens when you mix a poodle with a golden retriever.

Wii, oui?

2006-04-28T23:41:00.000-07:00

With oil going for $3.20, Mexicans organizing a national strike to attempt to prove how unresonable it would be to kick all of the Mexicans out of the United States, and President Bush's staff going through a shake-up, putting Tony Snow up in front of the press, all failing to end my blogging hiatus, what could posibly bring me out of my slumber and lead me back here, weak-fingered and blurry-eyed to add another obscure block of text to the collective clutter of the word wide web? Nintendo "Wii". Millions of dollars into R&D, thousands of minds across the world working as one, and that is the best Nintendo can do? "Revolution" was cool, it was catchy and sticky, and most people could pronounce it without having to refer to a side-note in whatever article they are reading. Why "Wii?" Does it mean something in Japanese? No. Is it appealing to consumers? Nope. Does it make any sense at all? Um, no. Nintendo's reasoning: it's pronounced "we", signifying how everybody can enjoy it. The two "i's" represent two people playing, as well as the shape of the "Wii's" controllers. Apparently Nintendo's collective creative genius reflects that of a six year old who is one or two crayolas short of a set of 12. The system looks to be nothing like we've ever seen. It's games are going to be more creative, more innovative, and more worthy of a plethora descriptive buzz words. It will be accessible to everyone and it actually looks like fun. But with such a daring concept, it seems a good name would be crucial in inspiring people to give it a chance. Such a name would have to be descriptive, embodying Nintendo's objectives with the new system, and challenging consumers to not get on board without feeling like they are excluding themselves from something completely groundbreaking. That's what "Revolution" did for it, before falling victim to a devastating think-tank. So now what do "wii" do with this horrible excuse for a name? Nintendo's VP of coporate affairs more or less says to just get used to it, because Nintendo doesn't care what you think. Six years old, going on seven.

Racism 101

2006-02-01T16:30:00.000-08:00

They have proved, apparently through vigorous scientific research that Republicans are racist. A new study shows that "supporters of President Bush and other conservatives had stronger self-admitted and implicit biases against blacks than liberals did." There you have it. In case you were doubtful, you have no reason to question this now. As Jon Krosnic, from Stanford University would tell you:

"If anyone in Washington is skeptical about these findings, they are in denial," he said. "We have 50 years of evidence that racial prejudice predicts voting. Republicans are supported by whites with prejudice against blacks. If people say, 'This takes me aback,' they are ignoring a huge volume of research."

That's right. The Republican Party which was formed to abolish slavery, and accounted for only about half of the political support for the civil rights movement has a long history of hating black people. If they could only learn to be "colorblind" like leading southern Democrats such as Robert Byrd, then we could have a more open and honest society. Unfortunately for blacks in America, the Republicans control the House and the Senate, and George Bush is going to get a bump in the polls. This probably will result in more black people dying in New Orleans. In fact, a new poll released says 101% of racist Republicans support sabatoging the levees in New Orleans again, just to kill more black people. With data gathered from recent civilian wiretapping procedures, the White House puts that number closer to 105%. They tried to get an idea of support for this course of action from racist Democrats but there weren't any to be found. Apparently Democrats aren't racist. Or maybe some of them are... Take another look at this study. It says that "supporters of President Bush and other conservatives had stronger self-admitted and implicit biases against blacks than liberals did." It says nothing about having biases against white people. I bet if you looked at the polling data a little differently, you'd find that Democrats have stronger self-admitted and implicit biases against whites. Alot of black people seem to have negative attitudes against white people, and I'd guess that most of them are Democrats. Of course that still doesn't make them racist, because you can't be racist if you are part of a race yourself. At least that's what I've been told.

Tuesday Stew

2006-01-31T21:30:00.000-08:00

It's more like a salad, really. I'm really weary of politics right now, and I find it hard to pay attention. I guess the end of January is not very A.D.D. friendly. There is quite alot going on. Greenspan left his position again after raising the price of money one last time, for old time's sake. I think me and possibly Bernackey are the only ones who agree with this decision. Alito looks like he is ready to take his position on the Supreme Court. History was made today, and it's as boring now as it will be when it is mentioned in a political history class 20 years from now. Wiretapping is all the rage on Air America. I think about 75% of people don't care about the issue. Probably because they aren't worried about the President sitting in the Oval Office, listening to their conversation. Some are offended by the principle of the Executive Branch taking the authority upon themselves to supercede checks and balances to violate Americans' right to privacy, as it is laid out in Amendment X of the Constitution. Too bad, I don't like how the judicial branch constantly oversteps their position to enact legislational decisions that should be made by society in general. So we're even. We can protect Americans, and you can protect Infanticide. Kerry was quite the character, riding in from Davos calling for a filibuster only to fail miserably. Yep, you're even more irrelevant now than you were two years ago. Sorry, dude. And finally, we had a State of the Union address. I had a class, so I didn't get to see it, but I heard from a very reliable source that there was much rejoicing when President Bush mentioned that his Social Security solution was shot down. To which the President responded that the problem hasn't gone away, and that we need to reach a bi-partisan solution. Did you hear them cheer Mr. Bush? They were cheering for obstructionism. A party that rejoices in their ability to keep you from effectively leading the country will never be there for bipartisan support, no matter how many times you beg them to. They weren't cheering because Social Security was better, or even that a bad idea had been rejected. They were cheering because they stopped you from fixing it. This is why people don't pay attention to politics in this country. You're a bunch of 5th graders on the playground. "Red Rover, Red Rover, Call Social Security on over." Then all the Democrats hold hands and block anything with the words "Social Security" in it. I have a headache, and A.D.D., so that's it for today.

China, Google and World Plights

2006-01-25T20:35:00.000-08:00

So much is going on right now, but I really don't care about most of it. Canadia put in a new Conservative PM, the Palestinians put Hamas in charge, and the Alito nomination is underway. I guess the story I find most interesting is Google's new presence in China. The media is trying to drum up bad feelings towards Google by saying that it is going participate in censorship to allow themselves to have a stake in China. I don't really have a problem with this. If you don't go along with the PRC, then there will be no Google in China. Despite China's best efforts, if there is one thing you can't do to the internet, it is censor it. The internet, and tools like Google and blogs hold the key to the Chinese's future as a free people. Google will only serve to expand communication in China. The Chinese government continues to fan the fires of free speech and it is only a matter of time before it consumes them. So I'm not angry with Google taking the next step in the erosionary process. Besides, I don't think Americans in general care about the rest of the world's plights as much as they used to. We just saved a few hundred thousand lives by ousting Saddam Hussein and no one really seems to care. Oh, sure they'll throw that out there when they are looking to defend the decision, but it doesn't really move people. The excuse? There are suffering people everywhere, why should I care about the Kurds. It's really a plight overload that hit us in the Vietnam Era that caused us to reject compassion for anyone not living in the United States. A bus turns over in Michigan, kills a handicapped woman, you'll listen to the story over and over for days and probably demand an investigation. If a bus turns over in Bahrain and kills 50 people, we wonder where Bahrain is before changing the channel. I'm tired of hearing about plights, it seems like every country has one. What, China? You say you are suffering under the opressive rule of a Communist dictatorship? Rise up already, jeez. I know you've only got around 1.3 Billion people and there are quite a few people working for the PRC, but if it's really that bad, quit crying to us about it and throw yourselves into revolution. I thought you Communists were supposed to be good at uniting and stuff. Whatever, you chose not to support Chiang Kai Shek just because the Kuomintang was a little corrupt, now you have to deal with it. If you're ever wondering what might have been if you would have simply let the Nationalists stay in power, well just look at Taiwan. Oh yeah, I went there.

So Ronery

2006-01-20T12:11:00.000-08:00

North Korea used to have it all. Everyone thought that they had nukes, and the entire world was at their feet begging for mercy. Kim Jong Il laid his little head on his pillow every night knowing that he was the center of a lot of attention. Then along comes Iran, with a leader who's name no one can even pronounce, announcing that not only are they developing nuclear weapons, but they want to destroy Israel with them. All of a sudden everyone's focus changes. Iran is the new dog in town. NK had the attitude of an English Bulldog. The little thing could probably take a chunk out of your leg, but you could recover pretty easily and the dog would be put down in no time. Iran is more comparable to the Rottweiler belonging to that Mexican gangster who lives down the street, barking, frothing and charging that all to frail chain link fence that you are standing right next to. Hopefully NK doesn't decide to act out on it's jealousy and try to become relevant again by bombing somebody. A war in East Asia would only further embolden Iran's crazy talk. If the U.S. is spread to thin to counter Iran's threats, then what is the world left with? "You can't come play at our soccer game!" That's about it. Or Israel could kick their butts, either one would work, I'm sure.

Bin Laden Thinks You're An Idiot

2006-01-19T22:33:00.000-08:00

After we've battered Al-Qaeda, and dismantled his network of terrorists, Osama has finally decided to let us have it, or so he says. But he won't if we all tell the next pollster who calls us that we don't support the war in Iraq. That's right, public support for the withdrawl of troops from Iraq is the only thing that can save us now, because Osama has had it already. He looked serious in that video, if he was lying he probably would have not been able to keep a straight face like he did. So he is going to hit us hard with bio and nuclear weapons if we don't accept his truce. And we don't negotiate with terrorists, so we'd better be afraid now. Methinks you'd have to be a Liberal to fall for this one. I can't wait to see how many do.

Naked Truth?

2006-01-18T12:45:00.000-08:00

This article is short, which is good because you may need to read it 2 or 3 times to completely comprehend it. Apparently German protestants are having a little bit of trouble making their message appeal to the younger generation. Their solution? The youth group put together a nude calendar. To clarify, female members of the church youth group posed nude for a calendar as an outreach to the younger generation. As you can expect, it is totally justified in their minds. The Bible, they say, is filled with eroticism, and it doesn't say that you are forbidden to show yourself nude. Evidently the multidude of passages concerning sexual immorality, lust and tempting your fellow man don't translate the same way in German. Furthermore, when Jesus said to share the good news of his salvation with the world, I don't think having young Christian girls posing nude as the prostitute Rahab in calendars to be passed out to her peers, is exactly what he had in mind. But then, who am I to speak for God? Maybe I should be looking at things in the way that Nuremberg pastor Bernd Grasser does:

"It's just wonderful when teenagers commit themselves with their hair and their skin to the bible."

You shall love the Lord your God with all your Heart, Soul, and Private Parts... Something about that just doesn't sound right. But, then again, I don't live in Germany.

The War to Begin All Wars

2006-01-17T11:16:00.000-08:00

So what do we do about Iran. They are blatantly ignoring everyone's demands that they stop creating nuclear weapons. America is really not in a position to do anything about it, the rest of the world isn't going to be interested in cutting off the planet's fourth largest supply of oil to even try and threaten them with a sanction. If they do get weapons, we have the power to make their country glow in the dark for quite some time, but that would require truly unprescendented pre-emptive action that even the U.S. would have a hard time swallowing, because all Iran needs is one bomb to obliterate Israel. Unlike the Russians, the Iranian government doesn't really give a crap about the loss of innocent human life and wouldn't hesitate to set off a nuclear war. So how does it play out? I'll tell you. When Sharon finally dies, a successor who has the courage to stand up to the United States and the rest of the world will be named just in time to utilize Israel's overwhelming capability to turn the entire country of Iran into dust. Then, in the following twenty years, the world will begin to see the true meaning of the phrase "Middle Eastern Conflict", as many more Muslims begin to side with radical clerics who now can back up what they have been saying all along, that Israel is evil and is the mortal enemy of Islam and humanity. The strength of terrorist groups in the region will increase exponentially, and Bush's "road map to peace," will end up in a garbage can at a gas station near the White House. If I'm right about anything, I sure hope it's not this. Maybe Russia should stop selling nuclear fuel to Iran now. Just a thought.

Monday Stew

2006-01-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

It's Monday again, and that means it's time for another Monday Stew. Ingredients? Start with a bowl of politics, and drown it with anything you can find to get rid of the bitter taste, then sprinkle in a little bit of flavor here and there to hide the concoctions complete lack of insight, wit and wisdom. First to be thrown in the pot is Iran. How do you solve a problem like Iran. I might conquer that one later. For now, just trust me on this one. It is a problem. You can tell because our gas prices are rising. Chile just elected a female president. Liberia just elected a female president. A recent poll shows that only 66 percent of black people say significant progress has been made towards racism since Dr. King gave his speech during the days of segregation. The other 44 continue to be shackled in intellectual slavery by their masters on the Left. Jim Carrey is happier since he cut back on caffiene. I'd say thats the end of his career right there, but who am I? According to the Vatican, Pope Benedict has a habit of sneaking into his old room where he lived as a Cardinal and spending a couple hours in there. No one knows exactly what he is doing. Except for me. He is holding conference calls with Nazi parties from around the world. He is doing it in absolute secrecy. I was lucky enough to be a part of his last one. I wouldn't be divulging this information if I thought anyone actually read this blog. He went on and on about the master race, and world domination. Something about a war and a cleansing. Turns out he's a big fan of Prussian Blue. He hides secret messages inside these almost too unseeming Jesus Inspirational Sports Statues and sends them to operatives in different parts of the world. It's all in Dan Brown's new book, to be released next month. "How the Pope Stole Christmas, and Then Proceeded to Pursue His Secret Plans of Global Domination." They say everything in it is historically accurate. Kind of like the Monday Stew. John Trovolta is being attacked by Muslim Imams for his suggestive dance moves in recent films such as "Grease" and "Saturday Night Fever." I guess they are still a little behind over there. Some Asian solved the Rubix Cube in 11.3 seconds. People are still playing witht those things? I can solve it in half a second, as long as I'm the first one who gets to use it out of the box. German scientists have decided that plants account for at least thirty of the Methane gasses in the atmosphere. These are global warming types of gasses. So it's okay to drive SUV's around, as long as you cut down enough trees. I knew deforestation was good for something. Peruvian president Alejandro Toledo accused Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez of trying to destabilize the region, after Chavez called him a George W. Bush "copycat". I didn't even know Venezuelans had a word for copycat. Luara Bush said she wants Condi Rice to be president in 2008. In an unrelated story Condi Rice said she never wants to be president and for Republicans to stop asking. Leave her alone boys. I know she is a woman, and she is black. That makes her a double minority, to Hillary's single minority status. But that's really the only reason we want her to run for President, and it's no wonder she doesn't want any part of it. A young soldier went AWOL because he didn't want to be part of any killing. That was 36 years ago, and they just caught him thanks to a tip from an apparently disgruntled relative. Hillary Clinton used the word "Plantation" during a speech at a Martin Luther King celebration. But it's okay because she is a Democrat. She said the House of Representatives was being run like a plantation when she was asked what distinguishes Democrats from Republicans right now. Way to lean to the center, Miss Moderate. It's good to see that you can actually apply yourself to the issues of the day, instead of just saying whatever you can to make the black people clap for you. That will come handy during your fall from grace as the four-year front runner of the '08 Presidential elections. Chinese villagers led yet another demonstration. It was quickly put down with electric batons and automatic firearms, but the CCP's relevance is starting to begin it's slow decline. An Italian study found that couples with TV's in their bedrooms have sex half as much as couples without. Thanks Italy, now we can finally put this issue to rest. And finally, to finish off the Stew, Eminem "Shocked the World" yesterday by marrying his ex-wife. I think the real shocker here is that his ex-wife married Eminem. After all the stuff he has written about her, I'd be sure to stay as far away from him as possible if I were her. I guess they won't spend too much time by the fire listening to his works such as "Kill You" and "Kim" about him violently murdering her, reminiscing abouther subsequent suicide attempts. He has already said that he doesn't allow his daughter to listen to his music. I guess he feels it's not appropriate for his children. Who gives a crap about yours? As long as they are buying his albums.

F--- your wife,
F--- your kids,
F--- your family,
I'll sh-t on you .

(Lyrics to Sh-t on You, by Eminem, renowned wordsmith.)

Here's to a long lasting marriage between him and his dearly beloved.

Affirmative Disciplanary Action?

2006-01-13T22:55:00.000-08:00

It appears that black children in Seattle public schools are 2.6 times more likely to be expelled or suspended than white students. This, of course, is being blamed on racism. Some people have evidently gotten so used to the herd of elephants in the room that they no longer even notice them. I am going to go out on a limb and say there is a problem with black culture in today's society. The problem is in no way limited to the black community, but it seems to me that it is quite rampant, at least among the poorer black communities. How many young black boys have grown up without a father, and sought role models in street gangs. How many young black girls allow themselves to be used by men, just as their mothers have, only to raise young girls of their own who will undoubtedly fall into the same trap. Some call it poverty, and blame it on the Bush administration. It is poverty, indeed, but it is not going to be alleviated by any administration. This type of poverty isn't cured by cash. Take gansta rappers for examples. Pull them off the street, give them more cash than they can imagine, and their old problems are only amplified by their wealth. More women to take advantage of, more drugs, more of an excess in whatever vice they can indulge themselves in. Remember Biggie Smalls, Tupac Shakur, and others killed in the east/west coast gangsta rap rivalries? Dysfunction isn't caused by a lack of money. Economic poverty is not at the root of the problem. In truth it is more of a side effect. If you can get to the root of the problem, then poverty will soon be history. But as long as young men go through their early years, looking up to their celebrity rap star idols and gang leaders who only perpetuate the type of mindset that binds them to a life outside of lawfulness, decency and virtue, they will continue to face more run-ins with disciplanarians on their school campus. Maybe it's time to stop being so colorblind, and start addressing issues as a society that are long overdue for discussion. Then we can finally come up with answers, help our fellow Americans out of a bind, and stave off an infection that is spreading throughout every community in America. But, maybe I'm just a racist Conservative for thinking these kinds of things through.

A Lesson to Us All.

2006-01-12T12:08:00.000-08:00

Well, it finally happened. They tried to warn us, but we didn't listen. Evidently, global warming has caused a fungus that lives on the skin of Costa Rican Harlequin frogs to turn toxic and drive those frogs into extinction. Apparently the average temperature has gone up 3/8 of one percent, allowing this fungus to wipe out these frogs. This is proven because the Harlequin frogs in the lowlands, where it is considerably warmer haven't gone extinct. In our infinite apathy, we ignored all of the warning signs and now frogs are dying. Oh why didn't we heed their warnings. Global warming has killed these precious creatures. Deforestation may have something to do with it as well, they don't really know. I guess clear cutting the forests does not have nearly as great an impact on the Costa Rican environment as your SUV does. Each time you fill your Chevy Tahoe up at the pump, a fungus kills a froggie. If you'd only start driving a Toyota Prius like all of the socially conscious celebrities do, then the frogs would be able dance and sing and play like nature intended, because nature doesn't destroy life, it creates it. Oh sure, Darwin may have been on to something with that whole bit on natural selection, but I'm pretty sure that stopped happening after we discovered oil. Simply by the merit of our existence, other creatures are forced into existence. As ecologist Alan Pounds puts it:

"You can't keep changing ecosystems and expect our own life support system to be viable."

That's right. Our life support system isn't viable. Without those frogs, the delicate balance will be upset, and Earth's ecosystem will collapse. We'll have to flee to Mars and live inside plastic domes. I bet then we'll all wish we had listened to Mr. Pounds. You'll see. We'll all be sorry. They were important frogs, they ate the bugs which carried diseases to the eagles who weave vines and sticks in the upper atmoshpere to form our O-zone layer which has been blessed by the Great Spirit. Now the eagles will die, and the Great Spirit is gonna be pretty mad, and then what are we going to do? If you don't want this to happen you need to act now and call you congressman. Tell him/her to vote yes for the Great Spirit initiative which bans all pollution that is caused by Republicans. That way we can have a cleaner, greener tomorrow.

Music Depreciation

2006-01-11T11:15:00.000-08:00

British researchers have conducted a study and have found that young kids do not seriously appreciate music anymore. According to their study, listeners are apathetic, and do not make emotional connections to music because they have such easy access to it. They can download, swap and store more songs than they will ever listen to and it is nothing but a commodity to them. The study says that listeners just don't make an emotional connection to music anymore because it's so easy to obtain.

"In the 19th century, music was seen as a highly valued treasure with fundamental and near-mystical powers of human communication," says Adrian North, leader of the study.

In the 19th century, Mr. North, music required a full orchestra to play. It required complicated sheet music, and had enough going on in it to keep people's attention. Most songwriters today blend a catchy, borderline annoying melody with meaningless lyrics to compensate for the repetetive "Verse, Chorus, Verse, Verse, Chorus, Bridge, Chorus, Ending" structure that all of today's music seems to adhere to. Musicians have taken the simple structure of Blues music, which was inteded for on-the-spot live improvisation, and they have applied it to the entire music industry, omitting the creativity needed to captivate people in the way that music used to be able to do. Anyone who knows a few power chords, or looks good on stage can be a musical preformer if they are lucky enough to be "discovered". Music can still be moving and meaningful, impressive and inspiring, or whatever it is you want it to be, but you have to have the patience to sift through the loads of crap to find it. It's still out there, in various forms. You just won't find it on MTV.

Here are some examples of what I am talking about:
Magic Elf- New York
The Darkness- London
Enter The Haggis- Ontario

...So Go Home.

2006-01-10T12:09:00.000-08:00

Harry Belafonte went to Venezuela and spoke to President Hugo Chavez on national television, saying that President George W. Bush is the greatest tyrant and greatest terrorist, and that millions of Americans support Chavez's "revolution". I have to hand it to Belafonte, if you can go to Venezuela and out-shrill Hugo freaking Chavez, then you are very good at what you do. For an American to surpass Chavez at spewing Anti-American rhetoric in Venezuela, sends a clear message to the rest of the world: whatever it is that you do best, we can kick your butt at it. I just wonder what goes through Belafonte's head when he wakes up the next morning and finds himself in bed with Hugo Chavez. Is it "daylight come and me wanna go home", or does he stay awhile to chat about calypso music and crimes against humanity? Meanwhile the U.N. is trying to find ways to distance itself from Belafonte's statements. UNICEF has informed us that he was speaking as a private citizen when he said those things, and not as a U.N. ambassador. I guess that clears things up. I think in the future, he should use a different accent for his "U.N. voice" so that we can avoid this kind of confusion. Maybe if he used a really bad british accent, or the U.N. could get him an electronic voice modulator, so that we know for sure when he is speaking as a private citizen and when he is saying things that the U.N. agrees with. I almost think that would be a standard procedure when you hire loudmouth celebrities whom you disagree with as your political representatives. Otherwise people might get the wrong idea that you recruited them to represent you ideologically, rather than just as a high-profile set of teeth to rattle off your press releases. Seriously, when the bannana boat guy speaks, the whole world listens, so firing him over one feau paux would be a huge marr on the U.N.'s spotless record of good judgement calls and character evaluation.

Monday Stew

2006-01-09T23:20:00.000-08:00

It's January the 9th, and it seems like so far, the only thing that's new is the year. Andrea Yates is pleading insanity, Cheney is making visits to the hospital, a few Democrats are trying to impeach president Bush, Apple is releasing new gadgets to dazzle customers. Personally, I'm bored of being dazzled. Howard Stern's radio show will be raunchier than ever, earning him an impressive load of free advertising courtesy of the press and media. Pink got married in Costa Rica, Afghanistan's Karzai Invites Contact with Taliban's Mullah Omar, God has died in Europe and no one showed up for the funeral, and Democrats have accused the Republicans of Capitalist tactics. So happy same old year to you and your kin, as we look forward to 360 more days of Democrats vs. Republicans, drawn out trials of scumbags like David Ludwig, and a whole slew of really stupid Taco Bell commercials. Meanwhile I will be on the edge of my seat to see if Ariel Sharon will make it out of his coma. Either way, I wouldn't bet on peace in the Middle East just yet. On the subject of those darn Jews and all of their lies, apparently some people still believed that the Holocaust actually happened. Fortunately for those of us who want a clear perspective on world history, Iranian president, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and several of his top officials have decided to set the record straight. The Holocaust was a myth. Thanks Iran, now get back to your enriched uranium projects. Otherwise the country of Iran might go dark in the absence of nuclear power plants, since oil is in short supply over there, and you are concerned about the environment and stuff. I'm sure glad you haven't thought of constructing a nuclear arsenal funded entirely by the European's pathetic attempts to appease you, because that would be scary. In other news, young teens are happier in their relationships when they don't have sex. There are still idiots to be found in California, and in a new earth-shattering ruling, mooning has been deemed legal in the state of Maryland. Apparently it's only indecent exposure if your genitals can be seen. Thanks to this ruling, Frugal male Maryland residents can now limit their entire outfit to a single, modestly placed tube sock. I'll tack this on the growing list of reasons that make me glad to live on the opposite side of the country from Maryland.

Oh, and Merry Christmas

2005-12-07T23:53:00.000-08:00

Not much happened today. I finally found this story of an 83 year old woman who had five properties and was worth a grand total of $1 million after it was all liquidated. It was all liquidated because she owed about $1.8 million to her village officials who were issuing a $1000 fine every day for an apparently long time. Why the 1.8 million dollar fine? Her yard was overgrown. She's 83, she is now penniless, and as far as I can tell her yard (which is on property that can't be liquidated because it's homesteaded) is still overgrown. Way to go Tequesta, Florida. You've earned today's "God Bless America" Award. Her yard is an eyesore, and it has snakes. That's definately a good reason to devote a substantial portion of your time towards financially destroying an 83 year old woman. A special tip of the hat to you, mayor Jim Humpage, for making Tequesta the type of place where any sub-decent, elitest, self-absorbed American would dream of living.

Fuzzy Logic

2005-12-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

Certain law schools are against the military's don't ask don't tell policy on homosexuality. In protest they banned recruiters from their campus. In accordance to the Solomon Act, they lost millions in federal funding. They proceeded to sue, feeling like their 1st amendment right to free speech had been violated. The Supreme Court justices basically argued that they are free to say whatever they want, and witholding funds as a consequence is not a violation of any right. What marks this scenario as memorable is that at long last, Liberals have actually used the 1st amendment in an attempt to legally restrict free speech. They want to silence the military, and the voices they disagree with by using their right to "free speech" as a defense, and it makes perfect sense to them. Fortunately, the Supreme Court isn't buying it, and it looks like they are going to have to allow recruiters on their campus. Of course, they could forfeit the money and continue their protest, but free speech just isn't the same when it bears consequences. Besides, without government funding, who is going to pay all the legal fees they've racked up by taking their case this far, only to lose it in the final stretch. Pay up America, their stance supression of homosexual's rights isn't that important to them.

Monday Stew

2005-12-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

Britain is allowing "Civil Partnerships" for gay couples. Elton John immediately jumped on that. The EU's budget apparently hit new Eastern European member countries pretty hard. I guess they were expecting more of a handout from the magical western money faries. I don't know where they got that idea. Back in the U.S., Indianapolis is ruling the country, and the University of Reggie Bush is bearing it's teeth at the Longhorns after wiping the floor with its cross-town rivals. Besides football, little else has happened. The most bogus charges against Tom Delay have been dropped and it looks like his troubles are just beginning. Abdel Hamden, a muslim and owner of a liquor store in Oakland has had his shop vandalized and set on fire. Shortly after he was kidnapped, and now more of his stuff has been looted. No word if this most recent incident was perpetrated by the same Muslim Brotherhood that has been troubling him over the last week, but I have a hunch that this guy's troubles are also just beginning. It looks like we get to deal with Hugo Chavez for another eight years, unless he decides to extend term limits, in which case it will be longer. Chavez has all the charm of a flatulent Chihuahua, and it showed in the overwhelming support he recieved from the less than 25% of Venezuelan voters that actually showed up to vote. The death toll due to homicides in my home state of California for 2004 was 2,394 in case you were curious. World Net Daily compared it to 904 deaths in the same year for coalition forces in Iraq. There are alot more people on the streets of Oakland and central Los Angeles than there are coalition forces in Iraq, but it's a worthy comparison nonetheless. Saddam Hussein says he's not afraid of being executed. See? The death penalty is a lousy deterrent for brutal totalitarian dictators. I say lock him up in a room with Clay Aiken's debut album, Measure of a Man, running nonstop until he dies of natural causes. Force him to wear pink pantyhose an a leather tunic, then set up a webcam that is broadcast on a CIA sponsored television station all over the Middle East and you'll have your effective deterrent, and maybe a new hit reality series that is just tasteless enough to be picked up by FOX. Kara-Beth Borden and double-murderer Ludwig's MySpace accounts are either replaced or inaccessible now, so you can't go flame them and their friends with beligerent comments, but her profile can still be seen here. Her number one interest? "JESUS!!" The Neorest toilet from Toto is out on the market now. It boasts remote-controlled seat temperature and bidet functions, and the lid automatically lifts up on your approach. So far, sales of the $5000 toilet have been lackluster and they have mostly been going to Europeans and the elderly. That's because it doesn't have the one thing any new device needs to succeed, a Broadband connection. If I am going to flush 5 G's down the toilet, I want to be able to do it from anywhere in the world. Even a USB port would have done the trick, but it looks like we'll have to wait a little while for that luxury yet.

Smell With Your Nose, Not With Your Hands.

2005-12-01T13:27:00.000-08:00

I've been looking around and I've noticed that nothing is happening today. Who wants to talk about the EU's increasing interest rates? What difference does it make if the just found the Avian bird flu in California? A pack of crazed squirrels killed a dog out of desperation due to a pinecone shortage? Whoop-dee-do. That probably happens all the time, and I'm sure it will eventually be blamed on America, global warming, and the Bush Administration. Not to mention Dick Cheney, Halliburton, the CIA and Tom Delay. Instead of going into all of that, I'd like to issue this friendly reminder to my fellow Americans to not stop and pick the flowers. It is illegal to pick some flowers and you may go to jail. Especially if those flowers are orchids and you are selling them on e-Bay. If you must pick a flower make sure you first identify it and call your local EPA chapter and confirm that the flower is not one of an illegal variety and that you are within the bounds of the law in plucking the flower and perhaps selling it for personal revenue. If you get caught plucking the wrong kind of flower, I'd recommend you just plead insanity. Maybe you could escape the maximum 1 year prison sentence, and spend six-months in a mental institution instead. Once you are "cured" of your maniacal desire to pick flowers, you will be released and allowed to walk among the rest of us. While some parents may be wary of living on the same block as a registered flower offender, most of us will never know of your dark, cheery passion and you'll be treated like a normal citizen. You may have trouble getting work at OSH or Home Depot, but as long as you can keep your hands out of Mrs. Pettinger's daisy garden, you'll be able to live a relatively normal life, because that's what makes America great... second chances.

Oh, Stop It!

2005-11-30T23:41:00.000-08:00

Homosexuality is illegal in the UAE. A bunch of guys were arrested recently for dressing in women's clothing. The foreigners are going to be deported, and the Emeratis will be sent to prison. While prison seems like a good place to experience homosexuality, Emeratis can opt for hormonal treatment to shorten their sentence if they'd like. The United States apparently has a problem with this and has condemned the arrests and the hormonal treatment. What message does this send to the Arab world? It probably goes something like this. "Regardless of how you treat your women, if you mess with a gay man it is our business to ensure that you desist, because we are a godless society and we want to make sure your societies become just as godless." History has shown us that if there is anything that Arabs hate more than a society that they perceive as godless, it's a society that tries to force them to become what they perceive as godless. To be fair, the UAE treats women very well for an Arab nation, but plenty of our "allies" (oil suppliers) over there don't and we consistently turn our heads away from the problem. While I don't think that arresting gay people makes any sense at all, I do wonder if it is worth fueling al-qaeda recruitment centers and arming fanatically vocal religious leaders just to make a public statement that will be effectively ignored by Dubai. If we can look away from the brutal treatment of women in the MidEast to avoid driving up oil prices, why can't we tolerate hormones being made available to homosexuals to avoid driving up our casualties in Iraq.

Monday Stew

2005-11-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I've cooked up a big pot of Monday Stew, so here goes nothin'. Alot of stuff concerning outer space is hitting the press. China is shooting to put a man on the moon by 2020 and they are looking to create their own space station, setting the foundation for the eventual showdown between China and the United States that will take place in outer space featuring Chinese and American space fighters and bombers targeting each other's satellites. Unless, of course, the Canadians have anything to say about it. Some Canadian groups are looking to ban any country from having weapons in outer space. Apparently they are concerned that the Bush Administration is looking to attack extra-terrestrials that supposedly approach Earth regularly with whom the United States is currently undergoing diplomatic relations. At the same time the Catholic Church is dealing with the hard-hitting questions pertaining to the baptism and ordination of these extra-terrestrials. I'm not making this stuff up. So what is Europe doing to keep up with this international space race? They're staying in bed, of course. Back on Earth, we don't even have flying cars yet, but I guess Bose has created a suspension system that allows cars to jump over obstacles and potholes. I guess it's worth the extra five grand if you can afford it. I, for one, just steer around the potholes. The Pentagon has increased the spying capabilities of the defense department. Some congressmen are upset that they weren't informed, or allowed to vote. After all, politicizing intelligence gathering is always a good strategy. That way you can call your sitting president a liar when it fails. Speaking of Mr. Bush, he recently proposed that the United States take a new strategy against illegal immigration. That's a good idea, considering the fact that the current strategy of not having a strategy isn't really that effective at dettering illegal immigration. So what has been happening in Europe? France appears to be past it's rioting phase and is returing to normal, with homeless people dying in the streets and hotels being fined for fixing prices in an attempt to actually turn a profit in France, a country that practically forbids such a practice with mandatory six-week long paid vacations and 35 hour work weeks. Impovershed minorty groups in French no-go zones have decided that being labeled as "equal" in French society is a form of racism as they wind up being ignored. Naughty children just want attention, so they will continue to throw rocks and molotov cocktails at French police until something is done. Either go the American route and give them money and special treatment, or open up your economy to encourage this thing called employment, which you may have heard of before, as it is another thing that the United States does much better than you. French unemployment consistently hovers around ten percent, which also happens to be it's alcoholism rate. 72 percent of Frogs surveyed say that President Jack is "weak." What is France planning to do about all of this? Well, this week they are planning on lowering the iPod tax. Yeah, good luck with all of that. I can't wait to see how it all turns out. In other news, Singapore is about to hang a Vietnamese guy from Australia who was caught with heroin on his person. They are considering allowing his mother to give him a hug before they kill him. I'd say Singapore is probably winning it's war on drugs.

Big Dumb Actor

2005-11-19T01:43:00.000-08:00

"America is dumb, it's like a dumb puppy that has big teeth that can bite and hurt you, aggressive."

-Johnny Depp, acclaimed actor for several movies including Pirates of the Carribean and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Wednesday, September 3, 2003.

"I went there (to France) to live because it seemed so simple. Now it's anything but. I don't know how they'll recover from this."

-Johnny Depp, acclaimed actor for several movies including Pirates of the Carribean and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Friday, November 18, 2005.

I guess big dumb puppies are okay once caniving little kitty cats can no longer keep hoodlums from lighting your Mercedez-Benz on fire. Enough said? Not hardly.

Black Babies Belong Behind Bars

2005-10-04T21:44:00.000-07:00

Every once in a while, a loudmouthed political observer will say something so outlandish, so irresponsible, so shocking, and so technically true that he (or she) will receive a call from the White House asking them to tone it down. Bill Bennet (morality author, gambler) said this last week:

"But I do know that it's true that if you wanted to reduce crime, you could, if that were your sole purpose, you could abort every black baby in this country and your crime rate would go down."

He continues:

"That would be an impossibly ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down."

Sure it would take a while, and you'd be aborting a lot of potential greatness as well, but aborting all the black babies would decrease crime. You could completely eliminate crime by aborting every baby born from this point on. No babies, no future criminals. Of course we could try a different approach, say encouraging healthy families and home lives for America's children. This would allow a little more satisfaction and continuation for the human races, and is perhaps is an approach more suited for a morality expert. Nonetheless, the fact remains that aborting all black babies would decrease the crime rate, and it does go to prove the point he was originally trying to make, which is that the ends do not always justify the means.

Naturally, Howard Dean has offered his two cents. He said the comments were "hateful, inflammatory" and asked whether they represented the values of the Republican party.

Yes they do. We Republicans love abortion. Just not of fetuses because that would be a sin. We prefer to abort babies that are already alive, or more acceptably, "post-birth abortion" of "extra-wombial fetuses." That's why the Herod/Ramses II '08 ticket is so highly anticipated.

This idea isn't new. In his book, "Freakonomics", Stephen Levitt established a statistical link between abortion and crime rates. Abortions, Levitt argues, are mostly prusued by those aho cannot provide a stable home for the child anyway, decreasing the amount of those children who grow up and become criminals.

Jesse Jackson said the remarks were "blatantly racist", and Scott McClellan said that the President said that they were "not appropriate." As for me, well I am one of the hapless victims of "What Bill Bennet Said A.D.D.," so

Cracking the Conservative Code

2005-10-03T14:15:00.000-07:00

During the first days after the nomination of Harriet Miers, I was reading through a Reuters piece on the circumstances surrounding the nomination when I found this direct quote towards the middle of the article.

Bush said Miers would not legislate from the bench and would strictly interpret the Constitution, his code language for a conservative philosophy.

So much was said to me in that sentence that my head began to spin. First of all, the liberal bias in the media should be acknowledged. Not because it's a surprise, but because it's important to know where this thought comes from. Secondly, what Conservatives see as a formula for a good, responsible judge is seen simply by Liberals as code language for Conservative principles. Which leads to the most important thing that was said here: Liberals don't like to uphold the Constitution.

Constitutionally, legislation is supposed to happen in the legislative branch, and all legislation must fit within certain guidelines laid out in the Constitution. Apparently this is only a Conservative philosophy at this point. When you watch closely, you'll see that Liberals can't win in the legislative process, so they need to bend the rules of the Constitution to squeeze their agendas into place. Their contortionism must be applied to both the process and the ideas themselves, therefore strictly interpreting the Constitution is not only a Conservative philosophy, it is a very anti-Liberal philosophy as well. So when I said that Liberals don't like to uphold the Constitution, what I really meant to say was that in reality, Liberals can't uphold the Constitution. At least not if they plan on having any relevance in today's political system.

Monday Stew

2005-10-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's Monday again, and all sorts of stuff is going on. This must mean it's time again for the Monday Stew, ideally suited for the blogger with A.D.D. Leading the press is Bush's new Supreme Court nominee. I figured he'd select a controversial and dangerously Liberal candidate. After all, you can't replace O'Conner with someone predictable now can you? Apparently this one has never been a judge, and according to some, she's never been a Conservative. Austria has stopped being a jerk and is letting the EU talk turkey with Ankara. Schroeder apparently has seen the writing on the wall, and after dragging the country through several weeks of uncertainty has decided that he has exhausted his options and now all of a sudden does not want to stand in the way of a stable government. What a guy. Los Angeles firefighters are containing the first of the county's annual series of forest fires, utility workers are camping out in Texas to help clean that mess up, while some Kansas residents are preparing to clean up after the floodwaters recede. It looks like we have a long winter ahead of us. Paramount films has decided it doesn't have a spine and is going to release it's films in both HD-DVD and Blu-ray formats. What does this mean to you and me? Don't go out and convert your entire video collection into either format until the industry figures out which one is better. Despite the high gas-prices, industry had a big boost last month, thanks to Katrina and Rita. Brad and Jennifer's divorce is final, and they sold the home they owned together. I just can't bring myself to care. The Nobel Peace prize went out to the two Australians who discovered helicobacter pylori. Yeah, I thought they deserved it too. Boeing recently ran a magazine ad that depicted soldier's rapelling onto the roof of a mosque complete with a caption: "It descends from the heavens, Ironically it unleashes hell." Apparently it doesn't seem to kiss up to America's most sensitive minority as much as everyone would have liked, so Boeing has apologized. That's too bad, for a while I was considering going out and getting me one of those Osprey aircrafts. Oh well.

The Rusty Fist

2005-10-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday marked China's 56th anniversary under Communist rule. Yes, 56 years and going strong. The article I read was pretty standard, with party leaders praising their success. What struck me was the problems that China is facing 56 years after Communism was established there. Namely, the income gap between rich and poor. I thought the general idea of Communism was to make everybody equal. Why aren't they taxing the rich and spreading it around to make sure everybody has the same income? Rather than fueling economic expansion for people of all income levels, they seem to be simply ignoring the poor, and focusing their attention on the rich as they try and increase their stake in global economics. I don't know how they can call their system Communism, or even "Socialism with Chinese Characteristics" as it clearly doesn't accomplish the general goal of Socialism or Communism. China's system has transformed into what looks to me like Dictatorial Capitalism, where they have absolute control over parts of their economy that remain completely domestic. The same parts which happen to be failing miserably. The PRC is losing it's control over their country, and the only thing allowing them to cling to power is their obstruction of the flow of information. Something that they can't base their legitamcy on for very much longer.

Visit the Sunshine State- and You'll Die.

2005-09-30T23:06:00.000-07:00

This banner is being distributed by an outfit called "The Brady Campaign to Control Gun Violence" in attempt to scare people out of visiting Florida. I guess the strategy is that by threatening Florida's "£30 billion tourism industry" with ads placed in American and British magazines, Jeb Bush will be forced to change his mind and undo the recent modifications to Florida law which allow those who feel threatened to use a firearm to defend themselves.

I'm not sure what they are trying to say here. It seems that they want you to believe that visiting Florida will endanger your life. Either because Floridians are trigger happy barbarians who enjoy shooting people for sport, or they are just stupid people with guns. "Tourist? Oh! Sorry old chap, I thought you said you were a terrorist! Boy, I haven't been this confused since I accidently voted for Pat Buchannon."

I personally like this ad alot. I especially like how they kind of turned Florida into a pistol. It makes me want to move there. I would love to live in a state that has a whole ad campaign set up to scare people, who would otherwise visit my state and provoke me to the point where I would want to shoot them, into finding somewhere else to spend their vacation. Instead my state proudly proclaims that if I somehow managed to get my hands on any sort of firearm, it stays at home at all times and is locked up in a cabinet, not readily available for self-defense purposes if the need arises. Unless of course I am a state politician, in which case my bodyguard is holding it for me in the next room.

Legislating Morality From the Bench

2005-09-30T22:39:00.000-07:00

So how do you get a 17 year old girl to stop doing drugs? Well, according to Judge Lori Blake, you make her stop having sex until she moves out of her parents' house. I'm not sure how exactly it helps anything, but I think it's a good idea because I don't think 17-Year-Old girls should be having sex out of wedlock anyway. I have to admit, I don't understand how this can be enforced. I guess she just has to avoid getting pregnant, or else she'll be arrested for violating a court order.

Apparently this Judge has a 10 month history of prohibiting "tattoos, body piercings, earrings and clothing 'associated with the drug culture' for those on probation." She even makes female lawyers cover up their bare arms while they are in her courtroom. My fellow Conservatives, I think we've found our ideal Supreme Court nominee. My guess is Bush will shoot for the center again, but it's fun to imagine Republicans trying to slip Ms Blake into O'Conner's spot. "Of course religion plays a part in my decisions, religion defines my ethics, which allows me to make clear, level-headed decisions about what is right and wrong." I can see members in Congress collectively scratching their heads at that remark, just before half of them become outraged.

Bulldogs in Jerusalem

2005-09-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Iran will not be deterred "by anything short of a threat of force"

"They won't be stopped unless they are convinced their programs will be destroyed if they continue"

"Threats of sanctions and isolation alone will not do it"

"We see an Iranian bomb as a devastating, existential threat to Israel, to the entire Middle East, to all Western interests in the region"

"Despite all the different circumstances, we see similarities to what happened in the 1930s, when people underestimated the real problem or focused on other dangers. For us, either the world will tackle Iran in advance or all of us will face the consequences."

Israelies also say that if the world refuses to get serious about Iran, they'll go in and take care of the problem itself. Of course afterward, they'll be diplomatically scolded for doing what they believe is necessary to protect themselves by hypocritical allies who would have done the same thing if they were in the same situation. I am still glad to see their resolve, and I personally think that they have every right to pre-emptive action. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. If Israel directs any bombings against Iran, I personally will feel more secure the next day. Call me a war-monger, but I kind of like the idea of being as certain as possible that we aren't allowing terrorists to develop nuclear weapons.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe...

2005-09-26T00:12:00.000-07:00

Well, this is a little embarassing. It appears as if Hurricane Katrina has let lose a bunch of dolphins who are armed and dangerous. Apparently the United States army has admitted to training dolphins to shoot would-be submerged terrorists with tranquilizer guns. Now we may have "lost" them in somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico, which means they are probably tranquilizing random Cuban immigrants as we speak. The army insists that they are safe and sound, however, so there is no need to panic. The only source I could find for this story was the link to The Guardian on Drudge, so I am fully aware that it isn't true. I am also fully aware that it is a really good idea, if you could pull it off. I'm not sure how you can get a dolphin to shoot anything, as they really don't very many opposable body parts. Perhaps their jaw, but that seems a little ridiculous. It would be more practical to train Gorillas to use AK-47's. It would also make a better movie. Exploding Caterpillars would be useful to. So would genetically altered porcupines the size of elephants with ricin-laced spines, and giant skunks with parachutes, and a Liger if they could ever invent one. I am going to apply for an R&D position at the Pentagon, I think they could really use me in a few of their think tanks.

Iranian Nuclear Threat A.D.D.

2005-09-24T15:57:00.000-07:00

Iran might be developing nuclear weapons which they might sell to terrorists who might be able to sneak an American into a city and obliterate it with. If this is true, then we might as well go in and remove the government. Of course, certain Americans would rather wait until our city is destroyed so that we don't look like bullies when it comes to combating terrorism. That's fine too. I live in a small town, so I probably will be around to see the immediate retaliation. Unfortunately I will have to hear flocks of people complaining about such retaliation, refusing to acknowledge any possible link between Iran and nuclear terrorism, but they are easy enough to ignore.

That said, here is how it will really go down. A much cheaper alternative to an full scale invasion is a civil, or revolutionary war (depending on who wins). Iran is already dealing with bloody unrests, mostly from repressed Kurdish and Sunni minorities. If there is an uprising, all the United States has to do is provide some weapons and experts and watch as Iran crumbles from within. This of course won't happen until Iraq really begins to prosper, so it will be a while yet, but at least we are on the right track. Iraq's new government is beginning to be established, and it looks like it will allow much more opportunity for individual success and freedoms than Saddam's system did. The concept and desire of freedom will soon spread across Iraq's borders causing all sorts of problems for it's neighbors and invoking fundamental change, which is why we went into Iraq in the first place and is also why the terrorists (with the help of certain media outlets) are working so hard to push us out.

So what about Iranian nukes? Could the government possibly develop WMD's before they are forced out by their people. Never fear, the U.N. is on it. In a dramatic string of events, India has just half-heartedly signed "with the European Union and the US on a resolution by the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) requiring Iran to be reported to the UN Security Council at an unspecified date to be in doubt about the peaceful nature of its nuclear programme." So, thanks in part to India, the U.N. security council is about to be made aware of the fact that Iran may be secretly developing nuclear weapons. If the Council finds these accusations to be true, Iran will be inundated with a series of very serious U.N. Resolutions until the problem is resolved by a third party. So in other words, those of you living in large metropolitan areas might want to find a nice quiet place out in the country to settle down and raise a family in.

The Woodpecker Grid

2005-09-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

Who's to blame for for these big hurricanes that keep battering the southern U.S. coast year after year? Is it God? Global Warming? George W. Bush? The Butterfly Fractal? Nope. It's the Japanese based "Yakuza" Mafia. They are still mad at the U.S. for dropping the bombs in WWII, and now they are trying to get back at us by creating hurricanes via electromagnetic pulses. Meteorologist Scott Stevens has the proof. Or at least he is proof that meteorologists really don't know what they are talking about.

Lovely Rita

2005-09-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

Another day, another evacuation of the entire southern coast. Hurricane Rita is about to hit Texas. I think its at a cat 4 or 5, but I'm not sure. Devastating hurricane A.D.D. prevents me from knowing these kinds of details. My heart goes out to all of those displaced by these storms. All of you in Texas can feel free to move here to California. We are sort of lacking in your conservative style voting base, and we have great weather all the time. Earthquakes? What Earthquakes? You might experience a few small tremors, but I've lived here all of my life and I've never been thrown out of my bed by an earthquake. Just find a spot away from the San Andreas fault to settle down. As far as those of you in New Orleans, I don't feel sorry for you this time. Anyone with any sense at this point should be able to recognize the perils of living in a live lakebed, and find some higher ground to build their homes on. Preferably above sea level. Your President sees it differently however, but at least he has enough sense to wait for the storms to stop before urging you all to move back in. Here in Fresno, CA we've opened our doors up to Kat Victims, you're welcome to settle down in a safer neighborhood. For the record, I've never had to endure a citywide evacuation, nor have I had my house dismantled by a rainstorm. A rainstorm for us is a drizzle accompanied by occasional lightning bolts.

Monday Stew

2005-09-19T15:15:00.001-07:00

Monday, September 19. We're still cleaning up after Hurricane Katrina. Apparently the politically correct thing to do is to rebuild the city, even though nature will eventually win this one and someday you'll be able to vaction on the scenic Lake New Orleans. For right now we will have a city there. They've postponed the re-entry for right now, and have decided to let nature stop dumping water into the lake before putting everyone back in. After Rita passes through, they'll be plenty of work to do. John Schwab is planning on moving back in as soon as he can. "I'll probably have to look for a job in construction," he says. "That's about the only thing around." At least you'll have job security. You could start a very succesful business in hurricane relief. Speaking of hurricanes, Angela Merkel took Schroeder on in Germany's last election. Apparently there is no winner, and they are both in charge. Go figure. John Roberts is undergoing excrutiating examination as he fights his way to the Supreme Court. For the record, he's not an idealogue, and his religion doesn't affect his judgement. I hope that's not true, and I don't understand why religion is such a scarlet letter on Capitol Hill. Ex-Execs from Tyco just got a maximum of 25 years in prison for stealing money from their company. In response to Apple's new iTunes cell phone, Real Networks will be providing streaming audio for Sprint. All of our handheld devices are beginning to merge. If they can put it all on a wristwatch, then I will make my purchase. Denver squeaked out a win over the Chargers last night thanks to a little spark from Champ Bailey. Dr Maria Siemionow wants to attempt a face transplant, and is looking for volunteers. If it goes wrong you're new face could turn black. Sure it'd be a shock to your family, but you'll always have an available career in rap music. On top of curing AIDS, cancer, and bringing Christopher Reeve back from the dead, it looks like stem cells can now cure spinal cord injuries. We're headed back to the moon. We should get there in about 12 years, fully equipped to set up a permanent base. That way we could harvest moon rocks and sell them as souveniers for about $12 billion dollars apiece. We'd only have to sell a few to recover the $104 Billion it takes for us to get up there. It seems like it was alot cheaper last time. We've come a long way. Schools have made way for swingers clubs. NASCAR drivers are being fined for crashing, and it takes alot more money to fly to the moon than it used to. I don't know who they are planning on finding to pilot the shuttle, but I'm pretty sure it's not this guy.

Let It Go, Lousiana

2005-09-02T11:27:00.000-07:00

With my summer vacation over and my internet access restored, I will now resume my incessant commentary on all of the things going on around me. First things first, let New Orleans be a lake. I think we all at some level see the writing on the wall here. It's below sea level, it's below several rivers and it's full of water. Now I have never claimed to be an expert in any field even remotely related to math or science, but from what I see, I'd say nature wants a lake there really bad. It would at least give us a good excuse to build more oil refineries, perhaps in a less accident prone area. In hindsight (and foresight) New Orleans was pretty much the stupidest place to position 1/3 of our oil refining capabilities. Let's double the amount of refineries we once had, spread them out across the United States, and go back to paying $1.63 per gallon to fill up our ski boat and cruise around in the beautiful Lake New Orleans. The first wakeboarder to grind the Superdome wins a nobel peace prize. Who's in? The National Guard just made it in to the city and are distributing supplies and assisting in the rescue effort. They were received by cheers, but of course there were some disgruntled citizens. Concerned citizen Michael Levy:

"Hell no, I'm not glad to see them. They should have been here days ago. I ain't glad to see 'em, I'll be glad when 100 buses show up,"

Apparently Mr. Levy wanted to see the National Guard earlier this week, and is not glad to see that they have finally arrived. I'm guessing Mr. Levy holds the opinion that if John Kerry was President, he would have an easier time organizing and equipping thousands of National Guardsmen for the purpose of saving Mr. Levy from his ordeal. This is a very hard situation and I can understand Mr. Levy's pain and anguish, and we do agree on one thing:

"I say burn this whole ... city down."

I am sure it would be difficult to burn down a city that is underwater, and I'm not sure it would be worth it to pump out the lake to destroy the former city, but the sentiment remains the same. Trying to live in Lake New Orleans is dangerous and stupid.

UPDATE: Apparently I'm not the only one saying this. Speaker Hastert also made a similar assertion and was flamed by the Governor of Louisiana who apparently has nothing better to do right now than take offense to the truth. Hastert said rebuilding New Orleans doesn't make any sense, and governor Kathleen Blanco accused him of kicking the city while it was down and demanded an apology. Hastert is simply acknowledging the elephant in the room, and he shouldn't be forced to apologize. Just look at the hell-hole New Orleans has become, why would you ever want to try an rebuild there. Let's learn our lesson from all of this. If you try to resist mother nature, eventually you will lose. The longer you prolong your surrender, the worse it's going be when she eventually gets her way. Yet we still continue to build homes on unstable hillsides, and we will still try and live in New Orleans.

Monday Stew

2005-05-04T14:14:00.000-07:00

What a week this is turning out to be. What with the runaway bride, capture of al-Libbi, and at least 60 killed in Iraq today alone. Lynndie England's guilty plea was rejected, and she now has to face a trial. I guess they have to publicly butcher the one in the pictures if the media is going to be satisfied. If you ask me, a flawed system is one that prevents people from confessing. But they never ask me, so I guess it doesn't matter. Bush is going to visit Russia and will probably have another chat with Putin, who thinks the collapse of the Soviet Union was the "greatest geopolitical catastrophe of the century." Those two always get along great. They have found a new species of dinosaur that they think will provide the "missing link" between carnivours and plantivours. This will prove to be very interesting to people interested in animals that have been dead for millions of years, but it won't prove evolution. To do that, they'd need to find the "link" between ameobas and human beings. They can't even link humans and gorillas without making stuff up. Although apparently they have found the origins of life. That's right, we all came from outer space. It looks as if we might be the descendants of asteroid scum. Bill Clinton has started a campaign to curb childhood obesity. That guy is about as relevant as Jimmy Carter anymore, and he's even more of an attention-whore. Speaking of which, some guy in Buffalo just voluntarily paid a $2,190 fine on a book that just turned up after 24 years of absence. Taiwan and China have been at odds lately, so to smooth things over China offered up two panda bears as a peace offering. Apparently, that's a really nice gesture. However, a number of people with no lives turned out to protest the transaction, because it removes the Pandas from their natural habitat. It's great to see that other countries have to deal with the same crap we do. We're not alone. Well, maybe sometimes we are. Like when we spray two month old baby girls with pepper spray. Or treat a scandal involving "American Idol" as big news. Or when we sit around in organized groups and wonder where all the female horsehoe players have gone. Here is a tidbit for all of you who are looking to feel sorry for someone who shot himself five times with a .22 cal handgun and still had to drive 10 minutes to the nearest bridge and throw off himself of it at which point he drowned to death, finally satisfying his suicidal intentions. Toads are exploding in Germany. The end.

The Cost of Political Incorrectness

2005-04-28T11:17:00.000-07:00

These Arab Americans went into a Denny's to order something good to eat. Instead of getting a good meal, they got thrown out of the restaurant by the manager who allegedly said "We don't serve bin ladens here." These guys now feel like Denny's owes them $28 million. No. That's stupid. It's called racial discrimination. Get over it. Go to another Denny's. There are plenty of them all over the place, and most of them have a sign out front saying just how much they love everybody of all races. If I got $28 million every time I got my feelings hurt, I'd be a much more sensitive person. Denny's didn't issue an official press release saying "We don't serve bin ladens." It was one pinhead in one restaurant. Get over it, and move on.

Monday Stew

2005-04-25T22:10:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Monday, at least it is on the left side of the country. Here is a look at what is going on. The big story is the train wreck in Japan. I'm not going to tell you how many were killed, because as soon as I do, the death toll will go up again. It was bad, and it's only a story because people died, and our media has a morbid fascination with things like death, rape, pedophilia, and incest if they can get their hands on it. The whole Wendy's chili finger thing turned out to be a hoax. Apparently everyone fell for it. That's right, America got Punk'd! Well, if you are dissapointed, and you still need a reason to avoid Wendy's, you can read this piece about a woman getting raped by two cooks in a Wendy's bathroom. I'm still looking for examples of death, pedophilia and incest at a Wendy's restaurant but if the story is there to be told, a news outlet will pick up on it. Don't you worry. Moving right along, it turns out that despite the close relationship between Bush and and the Saudi crown prince, it looks like gas will still be expensive. Go figure, I thought they had solved everything yesterday. Hubble snapped a couple more photos yesterday. A Navajo council banned gay marriage in their community, and for once I actually felt good about the whole indian reservation deal. I would think this would be a bigger story, but I guess the media isn't comfortable when two liberal protectorates are pitted against each other. After all, people died today and we have to know about it. Microsoft made a statement about it's next OS, dubbed "longhorn." I am entirely disinterested in that story, I hope you don't mind. I found this interesting story. It's about a pilot who bombed Saigon in Vietnam or something like that. I didn't really read it, but I'm sure it has a lot of good stuff to say about Vietnam today. It's like my Modern Asia prof. always says, "Vietnam, it's a country not a war." To which I telepathically reply, "Whatever Holmes." Where was I..? Oh, right, Indonesia is not allowing the U.N. to go in and investigate their country. My advice to Indonesia is to hang in there. Take it from us, the last thing you want in your country is the U.N. The ousted Ecuadorian president, "El Loco", is receiving asylum in Brazil, according to Canada, and this guy lit his T-shirt on fire and threw it over a wall. Bill Frist is talking up the nuclear option concerning Judicial nominees. If the Republicans somehow all get spine implants in the near future, they apparently could consider doing away with the filibuster option concerning judicial nominees. Meanwhile the British are dealing with their own nuclear option. It looks as if the White House is considering drumming up a U.N. resolution against North Korea. Of course, we all know how effective U.N. resolutions are. I bet North Korea is shaking in it's boots, because when the U.N. puts its foot down, stuff gets done. Hang on a sec, my tounge seems to have gotten lodged in my cheek. .. .. .. There we go, much better. The U.N. is irrelevant and serves no purpose to humanity except to enrich corrupt officials, and give France an opportunity to feel much more important than they really are. Moving on: Local U.S. police forces, and the Mexican military have both gotten involved in problems along the southern border. Here is an update on the textbook war going on in East Asia. It looks like Japan is defending their textbooks as fair and balanced, and accused China's textbooks of being too extreme. Anyone else think that there might more to this than reading material? The U.K. has invented a gadget that turns off people's TV's from 45 ft. away, and inserts a message about how T.V. is "killing conversation." It will be used as part of a week long anti-TV protest. Yet another important contribution from Europe, when do these guys sleep? Wow, this is a long stew. Even I'm bored of it. How about a story about cheerleaders. Apparently, Christian schools are cleaning up the act. That's not what you wanted to hear? Well then, maybe you're a pervert. Or maybe you'd rather read about exploding toads. Who am I to judge?

Conservation Kills

2005-04-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

Wow, according to Google's homepage it's Earth Day already. It just comes faster every year. Last week, I posted a link to a website which quoted several animal-rights activists saying that human lives are of equal or lesser value to human life. Over the weekend, I found a story in The Guardian that reveals this kind of mindset in action.

In Alaska, there is a village of about 700 people named King Cove. The closest village, Cold Bay, is about 20 miles away. The population of Cold Bay is about 100, but it has the facilities needed to transport injured or sick people to the hospital. King Cove does not have this luxury, and in the past, they've been forced to hitch a ride on fishing boats to reach Cold Bay if they needed any kind of medical attention. There have already been 12 deaths attributed to the lack of connectivity between the two villages.

King Cove, and Cold Bay are connected by land, but wouldn't you know it, somebody has decided that the land between them is a wildlife refuge. Apparently, to lay down a twenty foot wide gravel road through the 315,000 acre refuge would have undoubtedly disasterous effects on the habits of whatever the heck lives in Alaska. Sure, people are dying, but we can't interrupt the migratory patterns of the irreplacable black brant. I don't even know what a brant is, I assume it's some kind of goose, and it's obviously more important to us than the citizens of King Cove. If you ask me, allowing conservation groups to have control over decisions like this is irresponsible on the part of the U.S. Congress.

So here we are, 12 lives later, and Congress finally decided to do something about the situation. Their plan is to spend close to 9 million dollars on a hovercraft that can take residents across the bay without disrupting the brank or whatever stupid animal migrates over the area where they would have preferred to just lay down a gravel road. I guess if the conservationists can't keep from "disturbing" animals at the expense of human lives, a $35 million transportation plan will have to do.

The Triangular Food Pie Chart

2005-04-21T01:15:00.000-07:00

Every morning, countless American citizens crawl out of bed in the morning, sit up, rub the sleep out of their eyes, and wonder out loud: "I wonder what the Government wants me to eat today." It is increasingly vital to our society that our tax dollars are continually poured into hours upon hours of research and mountains of bureaucracy to provide an answer for these hapless nutrition enthusiasts. So after 13 years of bad advice, (don't worry your tax dollars are wasted like that all the time) they have finally decided to revise the old system of eating in America. The result: the new food pyramid. Apparently the old one had lots of problems, and needed an overhaul. So they have fixed it, and instead of being a pyramid, it is now a triangular pie chart. It's rather confusing if you ask me, but hey, I'm not the one paying attention to the food pyramid, I'm just paying for it.

Well, wouldn't you know after all of that backbreaking research to produce this 3-sided multicolored miracle, there are some skeptics. This report reports that it could be considered confusing to the driveling sods that need to have their diets planned out by Harvard professors. They have also raised some other concerns:

"Some complain that the pyramid does not tell which foods are best for the health. Nor does the pyramid remind Americans enough of the risk of processed sugar foods and alcoholic drinks."

Keep in mind, driveling sods prefer lunch menus to vague references to "food types". How is Joe American supposed to figure out whether his chicken nugget is a fruit or a vegetable? And what difference does it make if the almighty pyramid fails to remind him that eating candy and drinking beer might make him fat? To cast further doubt on our new guidelines for healthy living, a scandal brews:

"According to Joseph. Mercola, MD, a health dietary advocate, the firm hired by the USDA to design the government web site presents clients in the processed food industry, which make others suspicious of possible conflicts of interest."

Aha! So that's how come the grains always got the biggest section. They are obviously loaded with carbs, making people fatter by the hour, yet somehow we are encouraged to eat more and more. "Big Wheat" has obviously been lobbying the guy that came up with this new pyramid about an hour before the deadline hit, so all of us will enthusiastically open and swallow whatever the government tells us to. Because if there is one thing we know for sure, the U.S. Government is never, ever, wrong.

The Golden Gate

2005-04-20T10:00:00.000-07:00

I love San Fransisco. They just can't do anything right. Pop Quiz: You have roughly 6,000 homeless people in your city, and have $17 million to spend fixing the problem. With $28,333 dollars per homeless person, you'd think you could do something fairly practical. But not San Fransisco. While a place to live is a nice luxury, what the homeless in San Fransisco apparently really need is a state-of-the-art facility that boasts a full-sized gymnasium, library, playroom, hair salon, education center, and professional kitchen. I can understand education, a library, even a kitchen. I'm all for helping out the poor. But do they really need incentives to become homeless? I think my solution to the problem would be to get them out of San Fransisco. It's like the most expensive place in the world to live. If you give one of these guys a construction job in Lost Hills, CA, they'll be the richest guys on the block. They could afford a home, and a drug habit, and it wouldn't be costing the people of San Fransisco.

Must I Wear the Hat?

2005-04-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

It's about 10:00 A.M., and the Catholic Church just decided who gets to wear the funny hat following the death of Pope John Paul. Three days after his 78th birthday, German cardinal Joseph Ratzinger has taken the position of the father of all Catholics. Pope Benedict has a nice ring to it, I'm happy with it, but I still think Pope Ratzinger would've been way cooler. The decision took all of two days, which was good, because in the past it has taken over two years to make a decision. Fortunately, there was a general consensus and we came to a decision relatively quickly, and we didn't have to hear about this on the news every day for very long. Now we can move on to more relevant things, like Michael Jackson's molestation trial, and the next sighting of the Virgin Mary in an inanimate object. Well this has been a fun adventure, but my Papacy A.D.D. has forced me towards another train of thought, so as usual, you'll have to find your insight elsewhere.

Monday Stew

2005-04-18T16:50:00.000-07:00

Unlike most weekends, this weekend I payed meticulous attention to the news. However, I don't remember a thing, apart from China's shenanigans. The great thing about Monday, is that today's headlines reflect what the weekend's headlines have been leading up to. I don't know what that means either, but I figured it sounds like a good excuse to look at today's headlines. First things first, the big news of the day is that nothing happened. From the black smoke pouring out of the chimney of the Sistene Chapel, we can coclude that no decision has been reached, and there is nothing to talk about. So that's what everyone is talking about, but other really big things are happening too. For example, a 70 foot wave hit a cruise ship over the weekend. It was so big, everyone got free drinks all night! That must have been the best cruise ever. A group of elders from Burma's Shan ethnic group has declared a Shan State independent from the military junta. If you know what that's about, then you need to get a life. Italy is in a political crisis due to a dispute concerning reshuffling. I didn't read enough of that story to find oout what "reshuffling" is, because whoever wrote it had trouble using the spacebar. Singapore has lifted it's ban on gambling, following an emerging Asian trend of allowing people to come into the country and give them money for no reason. Apparently they have gotten tired of opium over there in Asia, and they are looking to import new vices. Perhaps a spike in crime finally teach them not to copy us. Lance Armstrong has decided that this will be the last time he competes in the Tour de France, giving us another reason to not pay attention to France. Rapper Earl Simmons' (DMX) traffic record continues to worsen after he caused a 3 car collision over the weekend. To learn more about D.J. hipster Earl, pick yourself up a copy of his book. E.A.R.L. traces Earl's life from growing up in the mean streets of Yonkers, NY to how he became the role model he is today. A new study out of Europe has linked childhood obesity to fat babies. Ever get up in the morning and thank God for Europe and it's contributions to the world? Yeah, I don't either. Saddam's enemies have requested the death penalty if he is found guilty. That's no surprise to me, I want to know what they'll do if he's found innocent. Police in Nepal attacked transgendered people. Police in Fayetteville, GA chased down a 250 lb. skinny dipper, and his mistress (who is probably super-hot) in a high-speed golf cart chase. Students in San Fransisco have been cutting class to protest the fact that their bathrooms aren't maintained to their standards. The high school students want a "clean, healthy environment" with more toilet seat covers. Yeah, sure, we all know what you guys really want those toilet seat covers for. *wink, wink* Okay someone is going to have to explain that joke to me, because I don't get it. A record number of Germans are suffering from depression, or mental illness according to a new report. Wow, Germany, maybe you could stop forcing unemployed women into prostitution. Just a passing thought. Things are heating up between China and Japan. I can't, for the life of me, figure out what is going on over there. We'll see what happens this week, it might actually be interesting. I can't promise anything though. Hillary Clinton still insists that she isn't thinking about running for president right now. I guess that makes her the only one who isn't talking about her presidential bid in '08. Remember she has "no intention of running for president." Some poor chap in Texas is upset because he says the RNC took his idea of combining a "W" and the American Flag for Bush's '04 campaign. Those evil conservatives just have no respect for intellectual property rights.

Animal-Rights A.D.D.

2005-04-15T18:26:00.000-07:00

If you are opinionated, uninformed, emotional college student who just wants to make the world better, PETA is one of the ultimate places you could very well end up. Whatever point they try to make gets lost in the manner in which they conduct themselves. I found this gem in the latest story out of Texas when a mob of three protestors stood outside of KFC, apparently voicing their opinions on people who eat dead chickens.

“All we want them (slaughter houses) to do is gas the chickens instead of killing them.”

Uh-huh, so instead of killing the chicken, cooking it, and so forth, you'd rather administer a dose of non-lethal gas, and serve it to the customer. I am assuming the gas would somehow knock the chicken unconcious, which would make it a little easier to jab your fork into.

This reminded me of a previous story with even more protesters in our nation's capitol. About forty protestors turned out, and one of them blessed us with this insight into their cause:

"Every year on average, a vegetarian saves 83 [chicken] lives, so that is why we are here today,"

Needless to say, I'm sure somebody eight those eighty-three chickens, but that really has little to do with why you protest in front of KFC. Armed with your "scientific fact", a tireless determination to change the world, and a dweeb in a chicken suit, you devote your life to a cause that you are passionately emotional about. You put in 110% into each and every protest, and aren't discouraged by the fact that every time you are quoted in the newspaper, editors have to fill in the blanks with (parenthesis) to help the rest of us make sense of your opinion. I salute you for your persistence, and applaud your continued devotion to your protest. After all, everyone loves reading about animal-rights activists getting soaked by KFC's sprinkler system while they are out discrediting themselves with quotes like these:

"We feel animals have the same rights as a retarded human child."

"The human race could go extinct and I for one would not shed any tears."

Read more hilarious animal-rights activist quotes here.

Oh, and if you happen to be an animal rights activist, these guys are going to kill an innocent bunny unless they earn $50,000 dollars from their merchandise at savetoby.com! By tugging at the irrational heartstrings of animal-rights activists, they've already made about $24,000. Emotional Blackmail, why can't I think of things like this???

Outsourcing A.D.D.

2005-04-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

About this time last year, the U.S. Department of Labor did a study on the first two months of 2004 concerning the impact of outsourcing on the job market. I am doing a presentation on this subject tomorrow, so I made this graph to show what percentages of jobs lost were actually outsourced during the given time period. I thought I'd post it and establish, with a little picture, just what a collosal idiot Bush is for losing so many jobs to overseas market.

The circle represents the jobs lost in January-March 2004, the yellow sliver is what was lost due to outsourcing, and the blue is everything else. If only Bush had implemented more protectionist policies, then the blue circle could have been even bigger! Arguably the same policies would have an negatively exponential effect on the amount of jobs created in the following months, but who even knows what that means?

Job loss is a sad fact of life, and despite this travesty, the United States employs more people today than it ever has before- close to 140 million. What gets me is that before Bush was re-elected there was so much sympathy for those hurt by outsourcing. Since then, I haven't heard a word about it. I guess I'm not the only person with "Liberal Rhetoric A.D.D.", Liberals seem to have all been stricken with the same disorder as soon as they lost the election.

Feline Abatement

2005-04-13T10:28:00.000-07:00

It could soon be legal to shoot stray cats in Wisconsin. Woohoo! Lock 'N Load, lets string us up some kitties. This oughta be a hit among cat people. Cat people are funny in that they take any threat, sign of hostility, or joke directed at a cat completely personally. If you say cats smell bad, they act as if their own children have been insulted. If you say they should be hunted because they've amassed in large numbers and are threatening the ecosystem, they send you death threats. If these cats were on my land, eating my crops, and tearing up my irrigation lines, they'd be goners. These "feral" cats are often malnourished and skiddish of human beings. They have a hard time feeding themselves, and they don't posess the skills and opposable thumbs required to be successful in the workforce. If they were human beings, they could easily have fallen victim to their "right to die" by now. Wisconsin residents are ready to start controlling the populations with their 12 guages and .22's, but some have their reservations. Apparently the practice of cat hunting is inhumane. Who would have guessed. Many states have programs set up to kill all kinds of animals that are considered pests. These cats are obviously pests, or this debate wouldn't be held in the first place. It's the pet factor that is involved here. People think of their own little kitty and shudder at the thought of it being shot by some mean old hunter. Wisconsin isn't going to allow people to walk up and down the streets of Milwaukee, shooting at your pet cat. They're going to allow them to head out into the wilderness, and help control a feline overpopulation that is damaging the ecosystem. If these were squirrels, possums, or non-endangered rodents, there wouldn't be so much controversey. The only reason hunting cats is inhumane is because so many of them have names.

Update: Wisconsin's governor has rejected the idea of allowing hunters to kill stray cats. He apparently is afraid that the other states will make fun of Wisconsin if they allow this. I guess he heard one too many jokes about Minnesota and South Dakota allowing people to kill cat's because his official position is:

"What it does is sort of hold us up as a state that everybody is kind of laughing at right now."

That's good news for Wisconsin's estimated 2 million stray cats that wander the countryside, but bad news for the 47 million to 139 million songbirds eaten each year by these cats. Hey, but nobody is laughing at Wisconsin, and that's what is really important.

Monday Stew

2005-04-12T00:32:00.000-07:00

It's 12:30 A.M., Monday enough for me. I have had a lot going on, so as usual, I've payed little attention to the news. So what is happening you ask? Well, let's find out. First things first, scientists are able to control live fruit flies with laser beams. I want one of those laser beams. These could come in really handy for training pets to do stupid tricks, convincing a shark that he doesn't want to bite you, or simply hitching a ride on a passing llama. Other stuff in the news includes another surprise visit to Iraq by Donald Rumsfeld, another lawsuit involving Microsoft, and another plea from Russia's richest prisoner, Mikhail Khordorkovsky, who has hinted at the possibility of corruption within the ranks of the Russian government. Of course he'd say that, I still think he's guilty of trying to be a capitalist in Russia. Nepal rebels attacked a prison east of Katmandu. They are still fighting for a Communist revolution over there, that's how behind the times they are. Apparently smoking while pregnant can not only affect your children, but their children as wel l. This study only proves to me how bogus these studies are. Smoking does not alter your DNA, and science can easily prove that. They run the numbers through a computer, find a "link", and announce it as the word of God herself, and expect everyone to buy it. Remember when all of these studies came oout linking brain tumors to cell phones? All of a sudden regulations were imposed, and the strong arm of the law came down and slapped a warning sticker on everything that had the words "cell" or "phone" in it. It turns out those are bogus as well. That's right, someone decided to hire some scientists to actually conduct a comprehensive study on the link, and they've discovered that it was all B.S. all along. Remember that next time you lose an important call due to government regulations forcing cell phones to use weaker signals. Yeap, there was no point to them whatsoever. Tiger Woods is back on top, and I don't care. More accusations are being made against Michael Jackson, and I still don't care. They should just let him walk free and get it over with. Watching this trial is like watching a really boring, 14-month-long movie that you already know the ending to. Even this morning's hostage situation was more exciting. "Oh look, that police officer is approaching the car with a cell phone, wheee!" Well that's about it for the stew. Remember, those of you who have always dreamed of being known as a village idiot need to act quickly. Due to the nature of political correctness, fewer and fewer villages officially recognize their idiots anymore, but if you can make an impression on the folks in Story, Indiana, you might still be able to nab the title.

Viva El Populisto

2005-04-08T19:44:00.001-07:00

Ah, Mexico. Our sunny southern neighbor does have its issues, doesn't it? The mayor of Mexico City, is getting ready for his arrest on charges that he obstructed the construction of a road to brand new hospital. Many see this as a political ploy, in fact, 80% of some Mexicans do. You can read Mayor Lopez Obrador's side of the story in this statement from Marxist.com. It's no secret that he is a left-winger, and his arrest does look suspiciously like a setup. The charges aren't really that major, but the key ingredient here is his legal immunity.

Mexico has this system that apparently makes all elected officials immune to investigation, prosecution, and seemingly the law. If you lose this immunity through the "desafuero" process, then you aren't allowed to run for office, ever again. A "desafuero" has been been declared over this land dispute against Obrador, who is the wildly popular favorite to run against the wildly unpopular Presidente Fox. Coincidentally, it was Fox who issued the desafuero, barring his popular opponent from running against him next year.

The problem with Mexico, is that the Capitalists are seen as too corrupt to inspire confidence in their voters. Obrador's record isn't white as snow, but Fox's blatant attempts to disqualify him only rally support for a man who has already done alot of favors for his voters. Fox has already announced that he will not run for re-election after a series of scandals pressured him to do so. Mexico's biggest issue right now is corruption, and if it takes a left wing populist to bring transparency to the government, that's how it will go. Even a socialist can inadvertently lead their country into the modern economic world, simply by eliminating corruption. Less corruption makes investors more secure. More investment means a more Liberal economy, and a more Liberal economy means more prosperity, and an all around better Mexico. If Obrador can make it happen, then more power to him, because I'm tired of paying for healthcare for millions of illegal Mexican immigrants. Until they are legal American citizens, that should be Mexico's job.

Pork Barrel

2005-04-06T10:18:00.000-07:00

A new report came out claiming that fat people cost my home state of California an estimated $21.7 billion dollars in medical care, worker's compensation, and lost productivity. Of course this story exists to call for more programs to "raise awareness" and try and get people to be skinnier. Someone once said that eventually socialists run out of other people's money. I think this is happening in California. We have made all sorts of promises to people, including healthcare and workers compensation, that the state and private employers can not afford to keep. I want to let CA legislators in on a little secret. You do not have to pay for fat people's healthcare. If we can afford to be fat, we can afford our own healthcare. Instead of spending more money on more programs, and more restrictions, and more lawsuits against food companies, we should simply declare that obesity-related health issues are not the responsibility of anyone else but the fat person themself. As long as someone else is paying for it, people will continue to be fat. Somehow, California legislators don't understand the concept of not being involved in everyone's life to the point of dictating their diet, and continue to try and save money with more and more programs. The Governator is already pushing for more of these programs in his own campaign against fat people. You know what, Arnold, don't talk to me about MY weight until you lose a few pounds yourself.

El Presidente's Childhood Home

2005-04-05T10:04:00.000-07:00

Plans are in the pipe to develop George W. Bush's childhood home into a bustling tourist attraction. They are raising money to clean the place up, remove the asbestos, and restore it to it's original splendor. They're even hoping "to find a 1950s car like the one owned by George and Barbara Bush." George Bush is still alive, so perhaps they could ask him what kind of car he drove in the 50's, which would narrow down their search a bit. They've done their homework. The "history and research" section features two videos of old family friends of the Bush's. I haven't seen them yet, but I'm quite sure they are fascinating. I think this could really catch on. Maybe I will build a George W. Bush's childhood home of my own in Shafter, CA. I could open up a whole chain of them with locations all over the world. George W. Bush's Childhood Home Bar & Grill. It's kinda catchy, it just needs an annoying theme song. I bet it would launch a presidential childhood home phenomenon. Ronald Regan's Childhood Home Family Restauraunt, William J. Clinton's Childhood Home Gentleman's Club, the possibilities are endless. Nothing can memorialize a President quite like a tourist trap can.

Monday Stew

2005-04-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

What a momentous Monday. It's the first Monday after the Pope died. Christians are flocking to Rome to pay their respects. I'm not one of them, I can see better from right here in front of my T.V. It was a double wammy for me this weekend to lose both the Pope, and Mitch Hedburg, but I am moving on. According to the brilliant minds in the media, it looks like the Pope's successor will be a gay Jewish black woman who speaks Spanish. No word on who will replace Hedburg, as if anyone could. Minutemen are making the news these days. Some say they are renegade rednecks who won't hesitate to shoot at will, others say they are simply helping our border patrol agent secure our borders by reporting violations. The problem of illegal immigrants is so massive that I don't even care anymore. Let's teach them English and how to discipline their kids, and call it even. Just be glad that there are people out there with better attention spans than mine. Saudi Arabia has killed seven more militants after a siege that had gone on all weekend as Saudi Arabia's king tries to stay off the Axis of Evil list. Bush is talking about bringing Ukraine into NATO. That sounds like a good idea to me. I remember reading that doing so would hurt Russian weapons exports, and I'm for anything that will disarm Iran. Crude oil is a little cheaper, and OPEC exports have increased a little. I have a feeling that it won't last. G-Mail's memory limit is going up to two gigabytes per account. I still remember when that was alot of memory. I saw Maria Sharapova suffer a crushing defeat at the racket of Kim Clijster over the weekend. If you follow tennis, or Maria Sharapova, you might be interested in that story. There have been quite a few bombings in Nepal lately. It's gotten so bad, that anyone who wants to drive on the highway has to wait around for an armed military escort. The violence has resulted in an anti-maoist backlash among villagers armed with bamboo sticks, and a 400 year-old relic was stolen, but I don't think that's related to this story at all. Speaking of things that aren't related to the rebellion in Nepal, a Burmese woman is breastfeeding two baby tigers at a zoo in Rangoon. You probably saw this on Drudge, but I figured I'd immortalize it in the Monday Stew anyway.

April Fool

2005-04-01T12:46:00.000-08:00

If North Korea and South Korea would unite, Kim Jong Il would fall.

I think Matt Drudge is Catholic.

I read a quote that pretty much summed up the entirety of the Liberal mind-set. "We're just not open-minded enough to like Ann Coulter," Richardson, 28, of Lawrence, said.

I also like this quote: "Ann Coulter is logical, rational and an independent thinker," he said. "In essence, everything the left hates in their womenfolk."

The War of 1812 was referred to as "Mr. Madison's War." That's how old that joke is. I don't think it's funny anymore. The punchline wears off after about 200 years.

I think at the end of the day, the Pope is gonna hobble out of the hospital, do a Willy Wonka style somersault, and shout "April Fools!"

I think at the end of the day, Mitch Hedburg is gonna hobble out of the hospital, do a Willy Wonka style somersault, and shout "April Fools!"

Monday Stew

2005-03-29T16:25:00.000-08:00

Terri is still alive. Who would have thought that she'd last longer than Johnnie Cochran? Jesse Jackson came out in defense of her life. Others have started a pool to see who can guess closest to the exact time and date of her death. The winner gets a free T-Shirt. This must be why the judges seem so eager to kill her, they just want a free T-shirt. The Pope may end up needing a feeding tube pretty soon. He should stay out of the United States, or he might fall victim to his "right to die." This is the closest thing I could find to a death pool on him. You're allowed to guess, but there is no free T-shirt involved, so I don't know why you'd bother. Kofi Annan was asked if he would resign in the wake of the oilforfood scandal. He said "Hell No" and tapdanced offstage. The U.S. is still warily supporting him, but I say it's time to get out of the sham organization. We don't have to pour money into a system set up so that a bunch of backwards, corrupt nations can profit of our tax dollars. Yet we do anyway. Insignificant Foreign Nations Update: Kyrgystan's "president" is thinking about stepping down after being ousted last week. India is considering sanctions against Nepal as a means of forcing the Monarchy to be more Democratic. In Mali, violence and rioting has erupted, and there is chaos in the street after Prime Minister Maiga threatened a popular organization, saying that they will pay dearly for losing their shot at the World Cup. No word yet if the soccer team's feeding tubes will be removed, but several protestors have already been arrested for offering the coach a drink of water. Affirmative Action may be to blame for the deadly escape of Brian Nichols earlier this month. I don't know, having that little girl escort that huge criminal seemed safe to me, I think what is really to blame is the religious right-wingers. In Utah, there is a city named Pleasant Grove. Of course, when you decide to live in a city named Pleasant Grove, you have to expect mortar fire to hit your backyard every once in awhile. Apparently someone managed to fire a 105mm howitzer shell all the way over Mt. Timpanogos, only to land in the backyard of Scott and Lori Conner of Pleasant Grove, who's three-year old son narrowly escaped death. It couldn't happen to a more boring family. I bet this guy is a window manager in some insurance office, while she teaches Kindergarden. Scott and Lori Conner of Pleasant Grove... give me a break.

Mrs. Michael Moore

2005-03-24T17:19:00.000-08:00

The St. Louis metro system's hydraulic lifts have been tested to safely handle up to 600 lbs. At last a 630 lb. woman has come out against the St. Louis metro system for what else, discrimination. Pat Kern weighs 634 lbs, she is by all definitions, fat. She is upset because she can no longer ride the bus. She says: "I think this is discrimination, and I think it's because I'm fat." No, No, No. It couldn't possibly be discrimination, and certainly it's not because you are fat. It's simply a judgment call based on your weight. St. Louis doesn't need to be sued after you get injured because their hydraulic lifts couldn't hoist that giant blob you call your butt up onto the bus. I understand you've had health problems, and exercise is hard for you, especially since you have only one leg. But a simple revision of your dietary plan should allow you to lose the necessary amount of weight needed to ride the bus again. In other words, lay off the twinkies, fudge bricks, and small children for awhile, and you may be able to drop the 40 lbs.. Instead you role around in your wheelchair, stroking your cat, and crying to a newspaper about how that cat is getting more attention because St. Louis won't let you leave your house. It's not the city's job to haul around one-legged heavyweights like you. Besides, where does a 630 lb. woman need to go anyway? Your condition is nature's last resort in keeping you away from McDonald's. Sheesh. The 600 lbd. guideline was set by the American Disabilities Act. According to the article: "(Kern) said rules like this can be dangerous and lead to social, emotional and more physical problems." No, I'm sorry, you've confused the safety guidelines with your huge giant body. Letting 700 lbd. people on the bus isn't going to help your social, emotional, or physical problems. Losing a few mattresses from your thighs is the only thing that will do you any good.

This Is Intelligent Life?

2005-03-23T17:22:00.000-08:00

Craigslist.com, a town-square type e-bulletin board, has beamed the first "commercial transmission of a website" into space. In other words, if any aliens are planning on staking out on Earth at any point, they can find the most competetive housing rates in cities all across the globe, as well as local singles, jobs, and community events. Now we all know that this isn't being done for the aliens. Extra-Terrestrials are mere benefectors in a marketing ploy for craigslist. However, the idea of talking to aliens has collected interest. According to this article, a growing number of people are sending text and even voice messages into outer space, hoping that any passing English-speaking aliens will hear what they have to say. Sure, this may end up being no more than another corny gift involving shouting your love out into the heavens or whatever, but the idea is still fascinating. Only so because people will actually blow good money on having their little messages beamed into outer space. I wonder if you are allowed to say anything you want. I wonder if they would come down on me if I sent out dozens of declarations of war on behalf of Earth, or politically incorrect cross-terrestrial slurs to invoke hostility between otherwise peaceful civilizations. Maybe if I tell them Howard Dean said they were a bunch of green-headed bug-eyed morons, they'll come abduct him, or could I be sued for slander? Knowing this country's legal system, I wouldn't take the risk.

Intolerable Cruelty

2005-03-22T17:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, the Schindler vs. Schaivo case went back to the courts. Congress, and the President hurried to get the case heard again, but the courts are taking their sweet time in making a decision. I'm not holding my breath. I just wonder why we sent this back to the courts. I have had it with the courts, and I think legislators should have some say on behalf of the people as to whether or not America is a country that starves innocent people to death. If my dog gets hit by a car, and probably won't survive, I put it down. I don't starve it to death just because his jaw doesn't work, and if I did, I would probably go to jail. So what will it be? Either put Terri down, like a dog, or give her a chance to recover. Enough limbo, and enough torture. This behavior is beyond what we do to animals, Iraqi inmates, terrorists, and most anything else that lives and breathes. Terri doesn't deserve to suffer up two weeks of not having any nutrition, it's just inhumane. I have to believe the most barbaric caveman would have the heart to put her out of her misery. American judges, and apparently the extreme left, don't.

Monday Stew

2005-03-21T15:59:00.000-08:00

It's the third Monday of March 2005, and it's business as usual out there. The whole world's eyes are focused squarely on Florida. Bush flew in from down South specifically to sign a document that Congress sent him to allow the Schindler family to file yet another appeal to have the feeding tube reinserted into Terri's throat. Passion builds on both sides of the argument, as politicians scramble to send legislation flying through to give Terri one last chance. It finally ended up in the hands of another Judge and everyone waited to see what he would decide. His ruling? Nothing. No Ruling. Oh, I suppose he'll get to it when he has time, who knows, maybe he could have a decision before Terri's eyes are completely sunken into her face. While the media's attention is captivated on the Schaivo family, I will bring you up to speed on what else is happening. The Sony PSP will be released on Thursday. The handheld response to the Nintendo DS, is supposed to have an array of functions, but the gaming capabilities are really the only reason to drop the $250. It's pricey, about 100 bucks more than Nintendo's, and I probably won't end up getting either one. Nepal just signed an arms pact with China, apparently the King is running short on weapons with which to quell the Communist revolutionaries. Russia has 27 billionaires according to Forbes' rankings. I'm guessing alot of them are tied in with old Soviet politicos. The most famous is Mikhail Khordorkovsky who is still sitting in jail if I'm not mistaken. Russia is quite the paradox these days. Cheney was in Bakersfield over the weekend, with Rep. Bill Thomas, the chairman of the House Ways and Means Comittee, (aka the most powerful man in the world). Cheney need's Thomas's support for Social Security reofrm, but I've read that Bill isn't that confident in the reforms. A school is being sued for teaching children about Christ, and telling them to live good Christian lives. How could they? Were the not thinking of the potential litigation that they could bring upon themselves by exposing children to Christianity and Jesus? Shouldn't they be teaching about different ways to have sex instead? Avid hunters are now able to shoot animals from the comfort of their own home, and farmers have been told to care for their animals' emotions. Judge Rehnquist is back on the stand, and Coca-cola is relasing a new zero-calorie version of Coke. A Communist newspaper has revealed a memo that they claim features Bush's permission for Abu Grahib torture. The memo authorizes sleep deprivation, and black hoods, but it doesn't specifically say prisoner abuse. I guess that is good enough for the Communists. That about does it for the stew, for dessert, how about a little bit of this first grader's crack cocaine.

Imitation Harley

2005-03-18T12:26:00.000-08:00

A hydrogen powered motorcycle has recently been introduced in Britain. The thing can only go 50 miles per hour. It claims it can run for four hours before it needs recharging, but it also boasts a 100 mile range. So I guess four hours at 25 miles per hour, and you can call it even. Researches are having trouble with the silent engine. People are worried that other motorists won't hear it coming, and nobody will want to buy a bike that doesn't go "vroom!" In response, they are working on artificial engine noises that can be switched on and off to simulate a real bike. Riiiight, that'll do it. This will catch on about as fast as hybrid cars did. It might work in the U.K., but American bikers aren't going to be fooled by a speaker that makes engine noises while you ride. Internal combustion engines offer a little more than that. There is the vibration, the feeling of power, oh, and speed that goes along with riding a real chopper. They are going to have to do better than this, I'm afraid. I'd like to see the first hydrogen biker gang. A bunch of University schmucks with granola in their beards speeding silently past, or blasting Mozart from their little engine noise simulators. The biker culture is built on the raw power of a Harley-Davidson hog, and that isn't going to change for a while yet.

Batters Up

2005-03-17T13:33:00.000-08:00

I really don't have any thoughts on the frenzy around the Senate hearings of baseball players, except to wonder what else the Senate could be doing right now besides listening to Sammy Sosa say he's clean, and Mark McGwire say he won't snitch. It's baseball, who cares? Isn't this the responsibility of the FBI, or drug investigators in the CIA, anyway? Maybe it is just me. After all, baseball is not an A.D.D. friendly game. It has to be non-stop action, or I turn the channel. It is beyond me that the Senate has to get involved with this. I think the people should have more say on the Senate's agenda. There should be a website where American citizens can vote on what issues the Senate addresses on that particular day. That way we could have a little more control in saying, "Hey guys, budget deficit." Instead we watch them interrogate a bunch of oafs who may or may not be on steroids. I hear there may be some drug use among rap "artists" as well. Perhaps we should have Eminem and Snoop Dogg visit the Senate and make them talk. After all, the music industry is a huge influence in the lives of way more children than baseball is. In fact, there are rumors that drugs may be used by people in Hollywood as well. I think a Senate hearing is in order, because most kids spend way more time watching movies than they do watching baseball. I'd like to see the look on the collective face of Hollywood when the U.S. Senate tells them they have to fly back to Washington to rat out co-workers, or defend their own hide. I'd be for that initiative, just to see the reaction.

The Marxist and the Money Tree

2005-03-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

Things have apparently been heating up around the Taiwan Strait. My cross-strait relationship A.D.D. will kick in here eventually, but I think I kind of understand, in a limited way, just what is going on over there. China and Taiwan are two very different places. Taiwan was part of China, until Japan took it away. Eventually it was returned to China, but still maintains a de facto independence, despite the fact that any attempts to secede will surely be bloody. Taiwan is very much a capitalist society, and is one of the "tigers" of East Asia. From what I can tell, it has it's own government. It used to be recognized by the U.S. as an independent nation, but China convinced the U.S. that it was not in 1979. Therefore, it can't be a part of the U.N., but it can participate in the WTO, and other organizations that don't require statehood for membership. To oversimplify, it remains part of China, but it kinda does it's own thing.

China recently adopted an anti-secession law, which says attempts to secede by Taiwan will be met with forceful resistance for the Chinese. As State Dept. Spokesperson Richard Boucher says it "only serves to harden positions." Washington and the White House have come out against it, seeing it as mostly unnecessary and counter-productive to it's position of avoiding war with China at all costs. (U.S. maintains warm "unofficial" relations with Taiwan, including military weapons trade.) China claims the bill only serves to reach a peaceful reunification of China, and the Taiwan Affairs Office blames the Mainland Affairs Council for spinning it into a move to change the status-quo.

Obviously if war breaks out, the U.S. would be in a dill pickle. The GOP once promised that their president will defend Taiwan if they were attacked by China. The position of Bush, and the U.S. these days is primarily peace, and seemingly no public back-up plan if peace is not an option. Bush has wisely chosen Clinton's path, by throwing in his support for one-China, and speaking out against an independent Taiwan. It is a flip-flop, but I don't think Americans are ready to die for Taiwan's symbolic independence. Secessionist forces in Taiwan want their independence for several reasons, and Taiwan's president is calling for a protest to the new Chinese law. In my opinion, they are doing just fine under the current system. If they just keep the big cranky giant happy, and they should be able to continue to do whatever they want. I'm not sure how long the status quo will last for Taiwan, but if they hold on peacefully, things should work out for the best. After all, China can't hang on to SEZ's and hybrid Capitalism forever. Eventually, they will become more secure in "The Golden Straitjacket" as Thomas Friedman puts it, and according to Friedman, all they need is a free press. Until then the rest of us will continue to scratch our heads and wonder what the heck is going on over there in Taiwan.

King Richard's Court

2005-03-15T13:13:00.000-08:00

About five years ago, 61% of voters decided in favor of Propostion 22, which states pretty clearly: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Other people's opinions aside, this judge could not find any "rational purpose" for not upholding the will of the people and decided for all of us here in CA that we will do things his way. All hail King Richard Kramer of California, the sole authority above all else for rationality.

The whole argument is being skewed into something it's not. No one is saying homosexuals are "second-class citizens." No one is denying them any basic rights. They are free to marry members of the opposite sex, just like the rest of us. Nowhere in the Constitution are you guaranteed a marriage license. It's like a driver's license, or a merchant's license. It is a priviledge of the state, but you have to follow the rules, silly. The idea that they are so heavily discriminated against because they can't be recognized as 'married' by the state is ridiculous. They just want to be victims, and naturally the Democrats are willing to see them as the most persecuted people in history. I think Howard Dean actually said that, but I couldn't find the quote. Anyways, there is a long legal battle ahead in California to see if marriage will remain sacred, or if it will be open to gays, and subsequently to anyone else that steps forward and wants a marriage certificate with whomever or whatever they've chosen to have as a spouse.

Monday Stew

2005-03-14T14:54:00.000-08:00

My Spring Break is over already, and the world is still revolving at the same pace as it was before I left. That's the good news. The bad news is that it's tilted just a little more to the left at the hands of little Judgie Kramer of California. King Kramer has decided that the Constitution of California somehow guarantees marriage to be available to anyone, and has decided that "It appears that no rational purpose exists for limiting marriage in this state to opposite-sex partners." I don't believe this. It took the Liberal elites five whole years to find a way to make the voice of the Californian people irrelevant in their state's politics. They must be losing influence over here, or something. In other news, Brian Nichols ran away from court, killed four people, allegedly found God, and turned himself in. Special thanks to our hero, Ashley Smith, for bringing him around. China put a law on the books prohibiting Taiwan from trying to secede. Bush has already shown his support for the Communist giant, which means if Taiwan does anything stupid, World War III will remain limited to the Mideast. And if it is at all relevant, Russia understands China's position. China, in response, began testing HIV vaccines on human beings. There are Syrians marching in Beirut. They are all worked up over something. Sunnis, Christians, Druze, and Shi'ites all got in on the action. Saudi Arabia is pushing for increased oil production. If OPEC listens, and we can refine it all in a reasonable amount of time, then oil prices mught drop a few cents. You never know. I guess Bush blew off Sinn Fein's leader Gerry Adams. This year they aren't going to meet on St. Patrick's day, get liquored up, and make a year's worth of policy decisions concerning the role of the United States in the Northern Ireland peace process in about one hour. Oh well. Finally, the Worcester Tornadoes are under fire for naming their team after a deadly twister. Apparently honoring a black funnel cloud doesn't bring about enough "happy memories." Yes, but the Worchester "Rays of Sunshine" would probably not get them as much respect among the other baseball teams.

Greenspan is "The Good"

2005-03-03T19:48:00.000-08:00

Greenspan is the god of the U.S. dollar. I think the Greek pagans actually had a statue built of Greenspan at one point. They would worship at his feet, and praise his invisible hand to which the early markets would always listen. While I may not know what I'm talking about, Alan surely does. Today he offered up a novel idea. This is the kind of idea you would never imagine being explored that a group of boneheads unable to even fix a potential trainwreck between the promise of Social Security and 10 Billion dollars that doesn't exist. This idea has been backed by a few congressional members, and those who support it hail it as the answer to all of our financial woes. The "Consumption Tax" would put an end to income tax, and focus squarely on commercial transactions. This means any transfer of money would have a barely noticeable tax tacked onto it. The sheer volume of transactions in America, (think Stock Market, Banks, etc.) would guarantee much more tax revenue than the current systems provide.

Already the Democrats gave their usual knee-jerk reaction. "It puts the burden on poor people who just need to buy food." This shows me that they aren't interested in even looking at the idea. The more rich you are, the more transactions you are making, and you therefore are paying more in taxes. The tax wouldn't have to be that big, a grocery shopper would pay much less than they are paying under the current system to pull their weight. The Democrats simply object because they would not be able to take whatever they want from rich people, anytime they want to. They want Socialism, and there can't be Socialism if there are people who are rich.

Anyways, I think it's a great idea, and I think Greenspan is the smartest man in the world. It's obvious he has the knowledge, education, and experience to know what he is talking about. Which is why I get a kick out of hearing him say that the Democrats are wrong. I get an even bigger kick when the Democrats turn around and say "I think he's one of the biggest political hacks we have in Washington." This particular story spends about 6 paragraphs explaining why Democratic Senate Leader, Harry Reid is such a great guy, and why we should all love him. Then it quotes him saying that Greenspan is among Washington's biggest political hacks. Reid backs up his claim by complaining that Greenspan criticized Clinton for budget deficits, but never complained about Bush's deficits. The story goes on to tell us why we should trust Reid without question, and not to worry about Googling "Greenspan Deficits" to make sure he was right.

Apparently Mr. Reid didn't hear Greenspan's speech when he warned everyone about the budget deficits. In fairness he pointed out that we were at war, and that we had that whole recession thing going on (excuses Clinton did not have), but he also attributed it to over-spending as well. He knows infinitesimally more than this Reid character (who doesn't even think to Google his fables before going on TV), and yet somehow Reid is able to bring himself to call Greenspan one of the biggest hackjobs in Washington. Yep, Reid, that's right. He's right up there, just underneath all the Democrats, John McCain, and most everyone else.

Happy A.D.D. Unawareness Day

2005-03-02T18:27:00.000-08:00

Well it's Wednesday, when A.D.D. is at it's worst. I know all sorts of important things are going on right now. The Supreme Court is debating whether or not the Ten Commandments should be allowed on the front yards of government buildings. According to the Constitution, it shouldn't be a problem because showing the commandments in front of a courthouse is a little different from Congress establishing a state religion. They say that the odds that they are going to ban the Ten Commandments are slim, and that's all I need to know for now.

Alan Greenspan is saying important stuff too. He's endorsing Social Security reform, and everyone should listen. He also said to cut spending, and we should listen to that as well. Especially those of us who are elected officials. I wonder if they just have trouble hearing, or they missed Greenspan's little speech. It seems like those who want to cut spending are in the minority in Washington. If that's true, then they should get the most attention. Maybe they just need obnoxious protestors to help them out. I want to see a bunch of Conservative wackos surrounding the capitol building (and the White House) with megaphones shouting "Cut Spending" over and over again for 12 days straight. If that doesn't work, we could stage a "massive protest" and severely overexaggerate our numbers to the press. Maybe we could find a bunch of ladies who are willing to take off their clothes and spell "Cut Spending" out in the middle of The Mall. In the meantime I will get a petition going to impeach Bush, and we can all hold hands and sing "We Shall Overcome" until we've forgotten what we were talking about. Like what just happened to me.

Anyways, with all of this stuff going on I am finding it hard to concentrate on the important questions in my life right now. Like, "Which is weirder: The Kenyan tortoise who adopted a baby hippopotamus, or the South African goat that adopted a baby rhinoceros?" and "Why did they make the fat guy be Robin, while the little skinny guy got to be Batman?"

Dean is "The Good"

2005-03-01T13:23:00.000-08:00

I simply love Howard Dean. He speaks his mind, he's not afraid of anyone or anything. He doesn't let political stiffs push him around. He says what he wants to, no matter the consequences. He is straightforward and honest about his opinion, and he doesn't get intimidated by the burdens of political correctness. He just goes out there tells us what is on his mind. The thing I like most about Dean, though, is the work he's doing for America's conservatives. It's like if we put Michael Savage in charge of the Republican party. Normal, rational people would run for their lives.

Dean recently likened today's current political situation as a battle between good and evil. Of course, he stated that his side was "the good," right after passionately opposing pastors who don't want mothers to have their babies executed. Nonetheless, he is right about a not-so-recent rift between the forces of good and evil, and that each has taken sides in today's political world. This is not to say that Democrats are evil, but once in awhile their leaders do seem to be the first to sympathize to the dark side. When Liberals ferociously attack the Ten Commandments, "under God", "In God we trust," and anything of or related to the family we can get an idea of their view of the world. Then when they stop just short of sympathizing with Saddam Hussein, buddy up with Fidel Castro, and look to Hollywood for their great leaders, it's easy to see why Dean will have trouble defending his claim to the Holy real estate. The young, indocrinated crowd of people cheering for him are same people who turn out to see the great Ward Churchill liken the victims of 9/11 to "Little Eichmans."

I think the thing that surprised me the most about Ward Churchill's remarks, was that it didn't surprise me at all. In fact, I saw it coming, just by following the logic of the stupid remarks you hear from these kinds of people every day. I knew eventually someone would make this type of statement, and I also knew exactly who would be there to defend that person. The fact that they support this kind of thinking, even if they don't agree with the comments, calls into question their concept what is civil and decent in our society. When they find this kind of thing acceptable in a state-funded University, but the enlightened party of tolerence can't bring themselves to tolerate a bumper sticker that says "Support the Troops" on a University vehicle, you can't help but wonder how they can possibly see themselves as "The Good." However they do it, I want to encourage Howard Dean to keep it up. You're one of our greatest political allies, and we can't thank you enough.

Monday Stew

2005-02-28T17:26:00.000-08:00

Wow, time sure flies. It feels like last week didn't even happen. Alot of stuff did manage to happen though, and I'm not interested in the majority of it. Some people won Oscars, others succeeded in chasing out the dictatorial oppressors. Watching the news, it's obvious to me what Hollywood finds more important, but I have a feeling the rest of us are losing interest in watching a bunch of plastic people jeer at our President and congratulate each other on being rich. Seriously, I don't know why more of these people aren't killing themselves. What a hollow existence. Anyway, Syria pulled out of Lebanon, and turned in a bunch of Baathists, and the pressure is still mounting on their leadership. We have them on the run, why back off now. Good job Syria, you've been very helpful, now quit sponsoring terrorism. In other news, they think they've caught Bin Laden urging Al-Zarqawi to attack the U.S.. Okay Osama, great advice, now go back to your hole where your fellow cave rats still find you relevant. Unless you'd like to join Saddam in the super-special Human Right's Violator's cage. But enough about the Middle East, what about Japan's plans to put a manned base on the moon. I'm fine with it, as long as their flag is shorter than ours, b/c we were their first. If theirs is taller, I say we capture their moon base. I'd take any excuse to see the establishment of a Space Division of the U.S. military. I want spaceships with laser beams already! Michael Jackson's trial apparently just started. Just flippin' started. I was hoping it'd be over soon. Fox, CNN, NBC, these trials are rarely any of my business. How about we talk about something else, and you can tell us what happens when it's over. I don't need the graphic details. Good News, they caught the BTK killer. I'd never even heard of BTK until last week, but I'm glad they finally caught up with him. It took them long enough. Way to be on top of things over there in Witchita. Russia is continuing to build nuclear stuff in Iran. Why are we still talking to Russia? Here's a heartwarming story for you cat lovers. Police in Gillepse, wherever that is, tasered, then fatally shot a kitty who was stuck in a garage. If you read the story, make sure you particpate in their poll. Apparently only 30% of Gillepse residents would not vote for a woman to be President of the United States.

Mr. Bush Goes To Washington

2005-02-17T22:52:00.000-08:00

I don't know what to make of Bush on this Social Security debate. He's got the support, I think he could do whatever he wants to, right? So why is he pushing so hard to work with the Democrats on this one. He's even talked about raising taxes. Have you learned nothing from your Dad? Tax increases are bad policy for Republicans. I honestly wouldn't have a problem with him reaching out to Democrats if I thought for an instant that they would be up to it. But I know they aren't, that isn't how Democrats work. They are just there to oppose the President on whatever he says. They oppose the simple assumption that there is even a problem. They're even opposed to him talking about cooperation between the parties. They aren't going to compromise, Mr. Bush, and even if you go down the list and give them everything they want, they will still be against it. Case-in-point perscription drugs. They were against that one, even though it's pure Socialism. So what is up here? Are you sincerely trying to reach out to avoid partisianship? Or are you just trying to expose them for what they are? Will this come up in our '08 bid? Judging by how we ran that last campaign, I don't think Republicans are that cunning. All I know, is that if you raise taxes, there will never be another Bush in the White House. Whatever happens it will be interesting to watch.. Okay the commerical break is over, and cartoons are even more interesting to watch.

"Weak People Are Beaten"

2005-02-16T11:47:00.000-08:00

Syria sponsores terrorism.

Syria even backs Iraqi terorists.

Russia and Syria are good buddies.

So now, Russia has decided to sell weapons systems to Syria.

Russia, not only are you not our friend anymore (and you aren't invited to our birthday), but you are also incredibly stupid. At least it looks that way. Now, I know that almost every decision Russia makes is lathered in ex-Soviet corruption, but selling arms to Syria?

Syria sponsors terrorists.

Russia is not immune to terrorism.

Chechenya and Syria aren't exactly enemies.

You're weapons could very easily end up on you're borders, fighting against you're army. You gave us a great speech once about showing weakness, and how weak people are beaten. Allow me to point out someting very important. You're weakness isn't in your failure to respond quickly, or with great force. You Russians are quite handy with you're brutal tactics, especially those Cossacks. You're weakness lies in you're corruption, and you're corruption could very easily do you in someday. Especially if you are selling weapons to your enemies. The part that we care about is the fact that you are selling weapons to our enemies as well. So what do we do about this? Well, for starters, we could accept Ukraine into our NATO treaty. Which basically means that they would be in our club, and not yours. Therefore all of those weapons you export may be missing a few key components. We might find a use for that old alliance after all. Especially, Russia, if you don't cut the crap, and soon.

Voting Democrat Is Murder

2005-02-15T10:55:00.000-08:00

Dean: Avoid Using Term “Pro-Choice” to Attract Potential Conservative Voters

"Dean, making the comments Thursday at the Democratic National Committee meeting, said, “I don't think we should use ‘pro-choice’,” because it brands Democrats as too pro-abortion, according to a New York Post report."

It's like they aren't even trying anymore. We used to have to search for inconsistencies. We would have to take something a Democrat says, and spend all that time looking for that one instance where he said something completely different. Then we'd have to point it out to as many people as possible. Now, they are just coming right out and saying "don't say pro-choice because they will think you vote in favor of abortion measures." So Democrats are going to be against abortion in red states. Then, in Washington, when the Senate passes a bill against stabbing half-born babies in the back of the head and sucking their brains out, Barbara Boxer will say something like this:

"I want a civilized society. That means you care about the women of this country. That means you care about their pregnancies. That means you want to help them through the most difficult times. That means you don't play doctor here."

Whatever you change the term to next, Americans are going to figure out that you guys support abortion. I think it's the Republicans' turn to change the language. Democrats are pro-baby murder. Instead of watching you coin various terms to make your position seem more acceptable, I'm just calling it for what it is from now on. Pro-Baby Murder. How's that for free speech, you baby-murdering sodomites? I'm gonna go burn a donkey.

Monday Stew

2005-02-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

So what happened over the weekend? It looks as if the world was on fire at one point. Alls you need to do is type "Inferno" into google's news search, and you get a whole list of tragedies: There's the tower inferno in Madrid, a mosque inferno in Tehran (wherever that is), a tanker inferno in Florida, an oil pipeline inferno in Iraq, and word that 50-cent is doing a remake of Disco Inferno. Like I said, very tragic stuff going on out there. Another bombing in the Phillipines, as well as one in Lebanon made the headlines. I feel bad, but I'm starting to get used to turning on the news and finding out that some huge explosion has killed x number of people. It makes me glad to live in America, if nothing else. Not everyone died over the weekend, though, and I was glad to find that out. Karl Malone has retired, and Carly Fiona was fired. One of them "will have received $45 million worth in stock options and severance pay on top of her regular salary and cash bonuses after five years at the company," and the other leaves without so much as a championship ring after almost 20 years. That's why it's better to get an education, I suppose. If you're a fan of Linux, you might be interested in it's liscensing overhaul. A.D.D. sank in after about the first paragraph of that story, and I was distracted by the robotic soldier. It has really good aim. The Shi'ites swept the Iraqi elections, and Ray Charles swept the Grammys. It wasn't fair though. The Sunnis are a minority party and were afraid to vote, and Ray Charles is dead. How can you beat a dead guy? Oh well, there is always next year. I'm talking to the Sunnis of course, I don't really care about "artists" and the "Grammys." I have "lengthy award show featuring annoying hosts who tell stupid jokes A.D.D." But who doesn't? Apparently gay men don't, according to Chris Rock, but that's another story that I am not nearly as enthralled with as Matt Drudge is. So to scrape the bottom of the pot of stew, Howard Dean is the new DNC chariman. They'd be screwed if the Republicans could get their act together anytime soon. This website referred to him as a "coherent alternative to Bush." If you are turning to Howard Dean for coherency, you know you've got problems. Finally, Virginia Senators decided against a bill that would prohibit people from wearing their pants so low that their underwear shows. I guess that's good news for homeboys. Now they don't have to go "commando" to wear their pants at half mast. That's even better news for the rest of us.

Freedom's Whisper

2005-02-10T21:20:00.000-08:00

Saudi Arabia held elections this week. Whether you see them as a sham, or a good start, it's more than they had last year. They are all muncipal representatives, and the only account for half of the muncipal councils that will be filled. The other half are appointed. Only men get to vote, and this is interesting, it appears they have to be non-military to do so. Either way, things are changing, and it isn't completely isolated from Iraq's elections in it's timing. We'll see where this leads. It's hard to get kings to let go of power, but it's not impossible.

Saudi Males Vote In Riyadh Elections- ABC News

Saudi Arabia Prepares for Historic Municipal Elections- VOA News

Saudi Men Vote in Landmark Election- Swiss Info

More than 100 birds slam into glass walls; many die- TheState.com

Naked Streets Leave Cars Less Racy

2005-02-09T14:41:00.000-08:00

Stripped down, bare-asphalt naked streets are becoming popular in Europe. Gone are the days of stop signs, sidewalks, center dividers, or even little yellow lines down the middle. The objective of this radical makeover is safety. The idea is that if there are fewer elements along the road such as street signs or sidewalks to give drivers a comfort zone, people will cruise through more cautiously. They administered the "naked treatment" to an intersection in the Netherlands known for traffic problems. In the four years since, trip times have been reduced, as well as car speeds, and the number of accidents. There has yet to be a fatal accident there since. So now people are talking about doing more of this in the future. Does anyone else see a problem here? The only reason people are more cautious on "naked streets" is because they aren't used to them. If stop signs, and sidewalks cease to exist, eventually people will get comfortable with it, and they will find their comfort zone again. So that leaves us with a bigger problem. What then? Inflatable children that pop up in front of drivers? Eventually they'll get used to that too, which wouldn't be good. I say, as much as I love the idea of just me, my car, and the open road, this will eventually make things worse. This is what happens when you let Europe get ahold of stuff they don't understand, I guess they'll have to learn their lesson the hard way. Cheerio, and Happy Chinese New Year. Year of the cock already? Wow time sure flies.

Blair Bans the French

2005-02-08T22:35:00.000-08:00

Feb. 7 (Bloomberg) -- U.K. Prime Minister Tony Blair plans to allow only people who speak English and have skills that are in demand to settle in Britain, after polls showed the public considers immigration rules to be too weak.

Hmmm. I like it. Let's do it. Maybe not so strict. You have to be able to say more than "Ok", and "No Speak English" to immigrate here illegally. Blair is going as far as blocking out anyone who isn't an English speaking dentist. I say he's on the right track. I think illegal immigrants should only be allowed to stay if they can speak English. If it were up to me, illegal immigration would be illegal, but I guess that's too much to ask of certain states. Imagine if someone actually suggested doing this in the U.S. All Blair needed was a poll that showed the majority of the public thinks immigration laws are too lax. Here's a poll for President Bush. I didn't have to look too far. I just typed in "poll US immigration policy" in Google, and it was the first thing on the list. Apparently 70% of Americans think our immigration policy isn't strong enough. So why are so many politicians afraid of the issue? Perhaps because the Liberals will politically slay any politician who even mentions protecting our borders. I'm not saying we ban Mexicans, I'm actually in favor of making it easier on those who want to come in to do so legally. I'm also in favor of teaching them English, to help them succeed in our country. I wouldn't mind other education courses to help them adjust culturally, stay sober, and discipline their fricken kids, either. But such suggestions would be deemed by the Liberals as a heartless attempt to assimilate Mexicans and destroy their culture. Why are they afraid of educating Mexicans, and helping them to succeed? Because successful, educated Mexicans don't need Liberals to promise them free stuff in exchange for their votes. The uneducated will be more prone to buying into the lie that protecting borders is racist, and anyone who opposes illegal immigration hates all Mexicans. A secure border isn't about racism, it's about our safety. That goes for all of us, no matter what our heritage is.

Monday Stew

2005-02-07T09:35:00.000-08:00

The super bowl is over, the Patriots won. Hooray for Tom Brady. That's who I was rooting for, not that black guy who got Rush fired. Rush was obviously right about him, he is only a quarterback because he is black, and he's all hype. He proved that last night by losing the Super Bowl... So anyway, the halftime show was much improved this year. Paul McCartany was a much better alternative to Janet Jackson's boob flapping around. The only time shirts were popping off of ladies was during the commercials. And that's okay, because those women were hot, and nobody knows their name. Plus, they were funny. "I didn't mean to upset the comittee." I guess if it's their job to be a piece of meat designed to lure hapless fat guys into purchasing whatever product correlates to the logo stamped across the one spot where their eyes never drift from, then we understand. But a washed up Michael Jackson look-alike being undressed by a homo-monkey? Sorry, get off the stage. I guess what I am trying to say is congratulations to Tom Brady. He played it well. Eagles sucked, though, what was up with the onside kick? You had 2 whole minutes left in the game! Bush and Clinton were hanging out on the field before the game. Those two have become the best of friends lately. Throw in Jimmy Carter, and you've got yourself a sitcom. Apparently stuff other than the football game did happen over the weekend. Bush signed his budget. Right away the Democrats started whining. "He's starving poor children, and running over puppies with SUV's, etc." How did I know that after all of their grousing about Bush's deficits, they'd be opposed to any solution he comes up with? I'm psychic, that's all there is to it. West Hollywood is banning plastic surgery for their pets. Sorry Ms. Hilton, you'll have to fly to Canada to get your puppy a snout job. Thailand promised to do a better job, economically speaking. NASA can't save Hubble, and apparently it's Bush's fault for not giving them the 400 Bazillion Dollars they needed to do it with. NASA, you get plenty of money, fix the best thing you've ever created. The mayor of New York is appealing for a ban on gay marriage, even though he says he is in favor of gay marriage. Uh-huh. He sounds like a closet homophobe to me. The new Playstation 3 chip was unveiled. Drool. The Pope is still in the hospital, but only he can decide to retire. I don't know if that's such a good system... And to end this weeks stew, a heartwarming story of one of America's oldest institutions. A lawsuit was filed against a movie theater because a security guard would not let a woman take her seeing eye dog in. Apparently, for some stupid reason, the theater didn't want the 230 pound English Mastiff named "Little Monster" to be allowed inside. Because of this she had to refund her tickets, and the poor blind woman didn't get to see the movie. Let's see here, you got the refund, and you didn't have to sit through "Shall We Dance," which would suck, even if you are already blind prior to going in. You're suing, why?

Careful- It's Contagious

2005-02-04T14:48:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing alot of talk about invading Iran, and Syria, and what not. My advice to the President would be to hold off on that, and I think that's the feeling in the White House. Condi said that there were no "immediate plans" to invade any of them. The general feeling seems to be that they can be taken care of diplomatically. I don't know how many people saw this story that came out right after the elections in Iraq, but I think it says it all. The title is "Arabs Mezmorized by Iraqi Elections." It describes how people in the countries surrounding Iraq have taken an interest in what Iraq is becoming, and governments of those countries are fearing civil revolution.

"Arab governments may not say it, but they don't want Iraq's democratic experiment to succeed," said Turki al-Hamad, a prominent Saudi columnist and former political science professor. "Such a success would embarrass them and present them with the dilemma of either changing or being changed."

If this is true, then the President will look like a genius. When more Mideast countries are forced into democracy, we will look at Bush, like we look at Reagan, who stood up to the Soviets, and turned out to be absolutely right. Iraq wasn't just about Iraq, it was about all of the countries over there, whether they are allies or not. At least that's the feeling I get from the White House. We aren't ruling out military action, but we hope things won't come to that.

Update: Condi addresses Iran

Western Generosity

2005-02-03T21:06:00.000-08:00

Look, I know we all felt bad for the tsunami victims, and we all want to help. That said, I don't think they need ski jackets in Sri Lanka. They are pretty close to the Equator, you know. Among the other items we can stop sending over: cozy winter hats, Arctic-weather tents, cologne and thong underwear. Yes, I can understand how thong underwear can be easily lost in a tsunami, but I would venture to say that perhaps they don't need that just yet. After all, a cute thong doesn't do you any good if you don't have a HOUSE to put it in. They apparently have freshwater sources, and those plastic bottles are just turning into unnecessary litter. I don't know where we are getting ahold of Morphine, but apparently it's becoming quite popular over there with the locals. So now they have no house, AND they are addicted to morphine. Good Job, America. How about cough syrup, they don't have very much cough syrup. and if you send pajama tops, send some pajama bottoms along as well. Oh, and make sure you label the medice bottles, doctors don't just hand them out regardless of what they do. And men, you can keep your Viagra. However bizzare your contributions are, I'm sure Sri Lanka appreciates the thought. But they have plenty of lingerie, maybe send an old mattress instead.

Socialist Security

2005-02-02T19:14:00.000-08:00

The State of the Union speech is over. I can't believe I was able to sit through the whole thing! Sure I was playing Call of Duty online at the time, but I was listening, sort of. I heard lots of good things, we'll see what he can pull off with his "political capital." Afterwards, the Fox talk was all about Social Security. I was excited about the Social Security debate before it started, but now I want to gouge my eyes out with a cold spoon whenever anyone mentions it. The idiot from the Democrats is yakking right now about how bad it would be to "gamble" away the retirement funds of Americans. He obviously doesn't understand the concept of bonds. This is not playing the market, and not all investments involve risk. Plenty of investments come with guaranteed returns, and I'm guessing that those will be the ones that retirement funds will be placed in. The reason I like this idea so much, and no one ever talks about this, is that the retirement money will be put to good use. Instead of sitting around, or being wasted by the government, it will be funding whatever investments it is placed into. This is good for the economy, the nation, and every individual. The more I listen to these pinheads, the more I understand that they just like to oppose the president. Either that, or they are very allergic to facts. They are also quite dillusional to believe that a whole bunch of promisary notes from the government makes anything "solid." The only way the picture can be as rosy as they paint it, is through massive tax increases. Bottom Line, and now that I think about it, that's probably their reasoning behind their opposition in this whole thing. They see a juicy, tantalizing tax hike, and they will do anything they can to get their hands on it. "Hi, My name is Nancy Pelosi, and I'm a taxaholic." It's all about big government, more taxes, and socialism to these people. Anyways, I'd love to form a coherent opinion on this subject, complete with strong arguments, etc. but that isn't how A.D.D. works. I said good day, sir.

Monday Stew

2005-02-01T19:04:00.000-08:00

Well it's the beginning of a new week, and there is lots to talk about. Not that I ever talk about any of this with anyone, but it's interesting nonetheless. At this moment drudge is running pictures of Howard Dean, heralding him as the frontrunner for DNC chairman. Apparently Frost dropped out, and now he's the pick. Good one Democrats. I can see him leading your party in the right, err, left direction. Yeeaarrghh! In other news we found the name of the mother of Michael Jackson's accuser. It's Janet Jackson. Don't ask me, it's just another bizzare notation to be added to the notebook of that crazy ex-black man's life. It turns out Snoop Dogg is being accused of sexual assault. I know, I know, I'm shocked too. He seemed like such a nice boy. You expect this from guys like Bill O'Reilly, but never from a upright citizen like Mr. Dogg. Let's see, what else. Elections in Iraq, changed the world, etc. I'm sure you heard about that at some point. The Pope may die here pretty soon. He's old, so... It wouldn't come as a complete surprise to me. I think he was probably going senile, so I think the church is ready for a young, vigourous new Pope to take the helm. They need a strong figurehead during this time of crisis. Someone who can stand up and say, "No, our church does NOT rape little boys." Maybe someone like Michael Jackson, if he wasn't tied down to that lawsuit of his. In other news, Australians have been warned against traveling to Nepal. Apparently the king ransacked the government for some reason or another, so it isn't safe for Australians. Clinton is the new head of Tsunami rebuilding, according to CNN. I don't know what that means, but I'm sure he's getting a kick out of that. I always knew he had a future in the UN. We should get out now, before he ends up running our country again if you ask me. SBC, and AT&T just merged, and now they're cutting 13,000 jobs. Nothing like screwing 13,000 faithful employees after a good merger to get your blood moving in the morning, eh? Skype VoIP Service Expanded To Linux, OS X. I cut and pasted that, because I don't know what it means. The CAN-SPAM act appears to be a failure, and politicians will perhaps finally begin to realize that the internet is bigger than the United States. Honestly, who thought that was going to work. Anywho, that's enough stew for today. It's always better on Tuesday, isn't it?

123 More Years of Manhood

2005-01-25T19:16:00.000-08:00

Wisconsin prisons are allegedly practicing cruel and unusual punishment, by not giving prisoners opportunities to have sex changes while incarcerated, following their hormone treatments which make them more womanly. I think it's cruel and unusual to give them the hormone treatment which makes them grow breasts, lose hair, and generally look more womanly. It isn't cruel to the prisoners as much as it is to the taxpayers of Wisconsin who have to see their hard-earned dollars go to this therapy. That's right, taxpayers are footing the bill. This is going on in CA as well. From what I hear from people who work at a central valley prison near my home, they are flying a prisoner to LA periodically to undergo sex change operations, payed for by California taxpayers. Canada has decided that it's prisons should offer the "essential" operation as well, to any transies who ask for it. I think, if your a prisoner of the state, I'm sorry, but you should remain a "prisoner of your body as well." I don't care how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Call me heartless, but you can get your genitals swapped when you get free. If you are Scott "Donna Dawn" Konitzer, and your won't be freed for another 123 years, well you should have thought ahead and not committed multiple armed robberies. Stabbing fellow inmates doesnt help either. As it is, your half and half stage isn't going to help you make your case with the parole board, so you might as well accept your crotch for what it is, and stop suing the state because you were born a man.

Freak Show!

2005-01-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

Masses of people turned out this morning to see Bush take the presidential oath again. Okay who are we kidding, they could have gotten a better view of that on TV, they were there for the freak show! [cue circus music] That's right! Step right up! Freaks from all over this great nation working to make the point that they are against President Bush, and that they can be annoying! See the clowns as they try to show you their displeasure with the president and anything he says, does or touches! Freaks of all ages and sizes here for your enjoyment as they disturb the peace, all in the name of peace! See them gather and spew their comic rhetoric. This stuff is too hot for TV folks, you simply have to be there! Catch the amazing pyrotechnics as they simultaneously insult the very country that puts them onstage for the world to see! If you missed this freak show, do not fear! For whenever our president speaks anywhere, they will be there to preform their civil liberties, and you can be there to point and stare, they don't care!

*Warning- Freaks are for entertainment purposes only. They are not to be taken seriously in any fashion.

Kaboom!

2005-01-19T20:02:00.000-08:00

Our economy is booming, I don't care what anyone else says. Jobless claims fell more than anyone expected, the biggest drop in three years. Unemployment is going back down, and good paying-white collar jobs are being created, about 157,000 came last month. Our economy is getting stronger according to the Fed beige book. I think that means interest rates are rising, but I don't know, that story doesn't sit well with my economics A.D.D.. There is good news coming to us from C.N.N.. Factory jobs are paying better, evidently. Oil is back down below $47 a barrel. So we can afford to drive our SUV's again. Hawaii is spending $2 Million to try and deal with little frogs that are driving them up the wall. And the Harvard "chief" is backtracking after apparently making a remark alluding to differences in the genes of men and women that might possibly make it harder for women to master math and science. Of course we can't take that as a complement to women mathemeticians and scientists, after all, it was merely a blatant attempt to demoralize female students and reinforce a glass ceiling. That's what his job as a white male is. It would only be a compliment coming from a woman. I don't know what happened to my economy post, it kinda got steamrollered by my A.D.D. after I saw the frogs. After all, frogs are way more interesting than economic policy.

Iraq's Secret Weapon

2005-01-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

This was posted on Drudge today. I was giddy when I read it because it explained my thoughts very eloquently. If you ever wondered what weapon Iraqi terror thugs could possibly have up their sleeves with which to defeat the United States, this article will explain it to you. This weapon is targeted squarely at U.S. civilians all across the country, and we are all hit with it whenever we flip on the morning or evening news. The media is terrorism's only hope for victory of any sort in Iraq. Without the media their car bombs, suicide bombers, and gutless tactics would have little impact on the overall course of the war. As it is, insurgents continue to blow up innocent civs and enjoying the glory, knowing that Americans will get a full report of each of their victories, without hearing a word on their own country has accomplished. We may be wiping the table with them on the ground, but if Iraq manages to win the psychological side of the war, this thing could stll go south. Whether it is due to laziness, stupidity, or outright treason, the media is their greatest ally. I still don't think it is enough to grind down the American resolve, and hope that the credibility of American media is what gives way first.

Kids Do The Darndest Things

2005-01-12T22:24:00.000-08:00

Ahh Young love. I'm sure we all remember the 1st, grade. Playing four square at recess, doing arts and crafts in school, trying to have sex under the stairwell. Okay, I never really experienced that last part either, but here's two childrens that will be able to say they have.

"IPS police and Marion County child protection workers are investigating an incident involving two first-graders who officials said were caught trying to have sex Wednesday at an Eastside school."

Now I guess the important question here is, was the young lad wearing protection. And if not, why wasn't there a bowl full of condoms handy, so he wouldn't leave the house unprepared. Sure you can make the argument that neither child is old enough to physically become a biological parent, but everyone knows it's best to start good habits at a young age. I mean if we are gonna go through with this oversexualizing the youth thing, we might as well be covering all of the bases. That way if a little boy happens to pass them all we won't have quite as big of a mess on our hands. If you ask me, 1st grade is a little young, but what do I know. After all, I am a conservative.

Proverbs 13:24

2005-01-11T23:00:00.000-08:00

Keep those rotten children in line with "The Rod!" This lightweight, flexible nylon rod delivers a stinging blow to any loudmouthed little brat who dares to challenge your authority. The Rod is the perfect whipping tool, and the $4.99 will pay for itself over and over again. Remember:

''Spoons are for cooking, belts are for holding up pants, hands are for loving, and rods are for chastening."

Here is what Christian Parents think about "The Rod"

Here is what the folks at www.neverhitachild.org think about "The Rod"

Here is what Black People think about "The Rod"

If you are looking to purchase your own "The Rod," you'll have to find your own copy of Home School Digest. Sorry, I looked, but I couldn't find a website to purchase one online. I'm sure they are out there, but they are probably designed for spanking a little bit older clientelle.

Monday Stew 2005

2005-01-10T22:38:00.000-08:00

Well vacation is over, and now is the time for getting back into the swing of things. As we are paying of Christmas bills and breaking New Year's Resolutions, we look forward to another exciting year of news that will intrigue us, enlighten us, and probably bore us to death. For example East Timor is donating $50,000 to Tsunami victims, even though they are one of the poorest countries in the world. Thats nice of them. Scientists found the biggest stars in the universe. They will probably explode soon, so we can expect to see a pretty cool spectacle in the next couple thousand years. CBS News is all over the place, firing their fallmen in a desperate attempt to save their ratings. This crazy guy grabbed onto the spoiler of his car as it was being stolen. He went for quite a ride, reaching speeds of up to 80 miles per hour, and swerving back and forth... Wow, I want to try that sometime. In other news, churches are drawing in God's people with Humvees now. I'm for it. God calls people to be fishers of men, and fishing is always better when you drive a Hummer. Because they can go anywhere. Oh, and apparently Jews and Americans are responsible for the tsunamis. Go figure.

Monday Stew... On Tuesday

2004-12-14T22:24:00.000-08:00

It's finals week, and the Stew is a day late. Nonetheless plenty of uninteresting things have been going on over the weekend. There's a gay showdown going on between Elton John, and George Michael. They think they can prove that water existed on Mars. I don't really know why we care, but they say it's important. Peterson just got the death penalty here in California, so we can expect him to be put down sometime in the next 400 years. A Pompopm competition turned into an all out brawl with cheerleaders and mothers throwing cans, punches, and trophies. That sounds fun, I'll have to go to a pompom competion sometime. First I have to figure out exactly what a pompom competition is. Oh, and here is my favorite story. This homeless guy was living in a drawbridge. He had it furnished and everything, with a 19 inch TV and a Playstation. He and his neighbors had a whole village going, inside the working drawbridge. That's American ingenuity for you. He should win an award.

Humanimals

2004-12-09T20:54:00.000-08:00

This is a wild story. Apparently we are giving human parts to animals now in our research of those stem cell thingies that Bush has recently baned in order to make sure helpless children die of cancer, or lung failure, or however the sob story goes. It appears that Bush didn't ban it good enough, because now we are doing crazy experiments like mixing quails with chickens, and giving human brain cells to mice. Now, I understand that a mouse with human intelligence would be nice, because they could go to the bathroom in a designated area, which would decrease stench and make cleaning their cage alot easier. This would probably be helpful to laboratories that do experiments on the buggers to, because the mice wouldn't bite scientists as often, transmitting whatever life threatening diseases are being experimented with on them. Sure, there is always the threat of them taking up arms, and leading a revolt, but that can be dealt with easily enough. My question is, how many brain cells is too many. When we give a chimp the brain of a human, will he be my pet or peer? We are already seriously asking ourselves this question. I think we should at least get to enjoy a few decades of slavery with these freak "humanzees" before we start thinking about their rights and stuff. I mean, why should they get special treatment. The Blacks, Orientals, and Mexicans all had to fight for equal rights in this country, we should make the monkey men do the same. It builds character. I think the trick would be in the genetics. If we make them intelligent enough to clean our houses, empty our dishwashers, and drive us to work, but not quite intelligent enough to band together, take advantage of our minority-friendly political system, and telephone the ACLU, then the only people who would care about their rights are hippies. And nobody listens to hippies. From the looks of it we have the capability to create these things, but evidently there is a Bible verse that forbids genetically combining humans and animals, so I'm afraid we're out of luck for the time being. We have to wait until enough churches warm up to the idea of letting scientists play God. Seeing as how they aren't as influential as they used to be, thanks to Political Correctness, it shouldn't be too long. All we need is a Supreme Court ruling in favor of intelligent monkey-slaves, and it will be legal. Until then, clean your own house you bum, and join the army. We are still forced to rely on purebred men for armed combat, and not superpowerful gorilla warriors capable of operating high tech equipment.

Freegan Hippies..

2004-12-08T22:21:00.000-08:00

Well, after a battle of epic proportions with my cable modem, I am back on-line and ready to blog. I guess I'll come back with a bang. This story, blew my mind last week. I've had all week to think about what I have gotten out of it, and I still have no idea. It's about a radical class of annoyingly anti-capitalist, vegan, Liberals who call themselves "freegans." Freegans are basically dumpster divers, who only eat what they can find in dumpsters. Not because they are homeless, it's true that even the homeless sometimes won't accept their handouts, but because they don't want to support a system that slaughters animals for food. These guys are hippies to the eleventh power, and this is the first story in a long time that I could hold back my news article A.D.D. long enough to get through reading. It's crammed with crazy hippies claimed they were beaten and tortured by police, and shot while dumpster-diving, and is only truly interesting to read it from their point of view. Now say what you will, but they are charitable, I will give them that. Sure they don't actually pay for any of the food they feed to the homeless in their city, but they do go to a lot of effort to feed them. I still think they are absolutely nuts. I checked out their website www.foodnotbombs.net, and it is even more torturous to read through. I can't stand it, there must be something in the water up in San Fransisco, that's the only explanation I can offer.

Hang Up and Live

2004-11-29T22:37:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back, and I don't even want to try to catch up, so I'm just going to jump right into the week headfirst, and assume that the weekend was as dull and uneventful as most weekends are. Nothing spectacular in the news today, the world isn't going up in smoke yet, and it's almost 2005, and we still haven't seen terrorists set off a nuke anywhere in the world. God help us if I'm speaking to soon. While we're on the subject of bombs, we might as well mention the little potential bomb we all own. In fact you may be talking on it right now, but probably not because you are reading an obscure blog located in my little corner of the internet, and it's hard to do both at the same time. Anyway, Cell Phones have been exploding in people's faces at an alarming rate lately. Well, actually, the rate is not that alarming, considering that it is "extraordinarily rare" from a statistical standpoint. But the point is that cell phones can explode. Now, I've had 9V batteries go off in my pocket before, and my Microsoft Intellipoint Mouse has exploded while I was using it. I had to send it in to get it replaced, and the one they gave me exploded twice, but it still works. It's actually the batteries that explode when they get overloaded, and apparently the same is true for the cell phones. Don't work your batteries to hard and you should be fine. However, I'm not an expert, so please don't take that as good advice based in any formal knowledge of anything. My point simply is... hang on... yep, Exploding Cell Phone Battery A.D.D.. I guess I won't be able to make my point after all. I'm gonna grab a slice of chocolate cake instead.

Happy Thanksgiving

2004-11-24T13:05:00.000-08:00

You'll never know what you'll find when perusing PETA's website. Here is an unbelievable, indescribable story that was linked to from PETA's homepage. It's about a turkey named Adam (Wait a minute that's my name), who was found by a turkey thief along Highway 99 in CA. (Hey, I travel on a large portion of the 99 all the time between school and home!). The story can only be described as heart-wrenching. Take this clip for example:

Adam was living with Dana (Whoa, that's my sister's name; my only sibling...), an outspoken broiler chicken, for a couple weeks before his true love arrived. On an early Sunday morning, Adam was introduced to Lady Dee, a graceful yet strong-willed turkey hen. Instantly, the two hit it off.

From perching to dustbathing to slumbering, Adam and Lady Dee did everything together. With Adam in the lead, the two-pack constantly followed me around the house. Adam was always the star; (That's my last name! I think I've got a PETA stalker out there somewhere...) Lady Dee was always the maternal protector.

Needless to say if I meet a girl named Lady Dee, I will turn around and run as fast as I can. But more importantly, this turkey lover chick is nuts! Let's eye the demise of her special fowl friend.

Arriving at home, my housemate said Adam that flown into a wooden chair and broke his neck. In a freak accident, my baby was taken away from me prematurely. I felt like the worst mother in the world.

This gave me a good laugh. The irony is so thick you could cut it with a pancake. She drives all the way out to some obscure farm on the 99 from the bay area. This isn't exactly a short drive, it took her the better part of a day. She "rescues" a stupid turkey from the farm by abducting it and putting it in her house... In the bay area... Where backyards don't really exist... At least not for wackos like this. Anyways she becomes so attatched to this turkey, that she sings lullabye's in it's ear. Now, If you've ever seen a baby turkey, this mental image is comedy enough. Some liberal college chick cuddling this little web of skin and fuzz, singing to it as it stares blankly off into space. The ultimate irony is that this turkey, (fully intelligent and capable of outwitting humans according to PETA), after being "rescued" from the great outdoors of a turkey farm by some crazy person who drove it at least a few hours back to the bay area, ends up stuck in her apartment and meets it's ultimate demise when in an apparent lapse of intelligence, thinks it can fly and ends up breaking it's neck on a wooden chair. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha. That's funny, I don't care who you are. Back at home on the farm, at least it had a shot of being one of those nice turkey dinners that churches donate to the homeless about once a year around thanksgiving. Now, it's just dead in your living room. Way to go you animal loving freak. You took food right out of the mouths of hungry children, literally walked up to them and grabbed the delicious turkey out from between their teeth, and now your pet turkey is dead. Hahahahahahahahaha. Have a Happy Thanksgiving, I think I'll have a delicious turkey. I'll take seconds, in rememberance of Adam, who could have been so delcious, but led an otherwise pointless life.

News Anchor A.D.D.

2004-11-23T16:29:00.000-08:00

So Dan finally called it quits eh? That's too bad, I'm gonna miss his newscast. Not that I have ever watched his nightly news program, or I even catch 60 minutes very often, but nonetheless his absence will leave a hole in our hearts, and in our slams on the accuracy of CBS News. Brokaw is taking off next week, leaving Peter Jennings all alone. 10 years ago this kind of situation would have made Jennings giddy at the thought of him being the only one of the big three on the air. But to me, he is still the most irrelevant, and I'm not going to fill that Rather/Brokaw shaped void in my life with his newscast. I guess it's the end of an era in a way. We've got sources allowing other opinions to be broadcasted, and now we can get a lot more news with our bias than ever before. I don't really see the point of putting old men in these nightly news positions. The first network to make Heidi Klum the lead anchor will easily get the ratings they so desire. Have they learned nothing from Fox news? America doesn't look to it's news anchors for authority and respectability anymore. America wants to see young, fetching, cookie-cutting barbie dolls who can read to us what their producers put together. What is society becoming these days if we can't even figure that out.

Monday Stew

2004-11-22T18:37:00.000-08:00

I guess alot has happened over the weekend, but I've come down with a bit of a cold, and am finding it hard to pay attention to anything. A whole bunch of NBA players were suspended for attacking fans. If you ask me, they should be banned from the game. At least Artest should be, because he is the one in the video. Seriously, sportsmanship is one of the things we have over Morroco, or whatever stupid countries that can't hold a soccer match without people pummeling each other. I used to think America was beyond this kind of behavior. Oh well, I wasn't planning on going to a Pacers game anytime soon anyway. Trump's casinos are filing for bankruptcy. He's real proud of that. What a great businessman. No seriously, we should all go buy his book and learn how to treat our employees like crap, because it's obviously a winning strategy. Anyway, something boring is going on in Ukraine, a new computer game is being released so we can all take part in the assassination of JFK. Wow, I can't wait to get my hands on that. Thanks Scotland, it's sure to be a hit among delinquents here in America who are tired of killing no-name hookers and pedestrians. Finally we can shoot at a real figurehead. Sure he was born 30 years before anyone who is playing was born, but it'll really piss off Grandpa. Here's another story for those of you getting swept up in the taser craze: It took two shots to get this 14-year old to drop his gameboy. That's dedication, especially since he won't play it anymore after he gets the new DS for Christmas in about a month. Scott Peterson's trial is going into the sentencing phase. I just can't wait, can you? We're under attack by mysterious black triangles. Although I think they're kinda pretty. Shoppers in San Fransico may have to face a new grocery bag tax, and this girl got 21 days because she forgot to turn off her cellphone in court. Other than that, not much has happened over the weekend. Here's a little helpful holiday traveling tip if you happen to be a hot chick. Drive, or take the bus.

Foxy Canadia

2004-11-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

Canada decided to let FOX news be available over it's airwaves. That's nice. I don't live in Canada, so I don't really care. It'll be interesting to see how well it does, though. Countries have been known to undergo radical changes the first time they allow the institution of free press. I don't know how much of it is going to pertain to Canada, though. If I were Canadian, I wouldn't really care to watch American pundits yakking about American politics, but that's just me.

It's Not Racy, You're Just Racist.

2004-11-18T21:29:00.000-08:00

I was watching E.S.P.N. and a pinhead sportscaster was griping about how people were offended by the Monday Night Football sketch with Nicolette Sheridan and Terrel Owens. He went on and on about all of the things on Monday Night Football that are suggestive. Upskirt shots of cheerleaders, the women in beer commercials, ads for erectile dysfunction, etc, and how those were offensive too, and nobody was saying anything about it. I was with him on that, until he got to his point. He ended his rant by suggesting that people were only offended because it showed a nude white woman jumping into the arms of an African American. By that, I was at least a little offended. I've never called in to complain aboout anything to the FCC. Call it offended phone caller A.D.D.. But when I sit and watch Monday Night Football with my grandma and great-grandma, it bothers me to have to sit through crap like that before the game turns on. It has nothing to do with race. Somehow, blue state folks always seem to turn to racism, and homophobia as an explanation for the behavior of conservatives. They just do not get it, whatsoever. He was right about one thing, though. On a matter of consistency, complaints should be pouring in over every scantily-clad woman, and any suggestive material in any commerical or skit aired during Monday Night Football. You aren't going to win the battle over the airways by choosing your battles. You have to draw a line, and fight any offender to whatever end. Personally, I will sit this one out. If I'm offended, I'll just turn off the T.V.. That would pretty much solve the problem on my end. For you noble defenders of decency in society, fight the good fight. I'd help but I couldn't hold interest in the matter for very long.

British Ban Fox Hunting

2004-11-18T18:49:00.000-08:00

Britain's House of Commons moved to outlaw fox hunting Thursday, winning a dramatic standoff with the House of Lords to ban a popular country sport that is despised by many urbanites. Royal assent to measure, making it law, was expected within hours.

British fox hunters are livid, but foxes all across the country are rejoicing, for now they can lead long, productive, meaningful lives without the fear of being hunted. It's interesting to watch Britain operate. They are a step closer to Socialism than America is, and whatever they do will someday be attempted here. Liberals here are still trying to ban guns. Britain just straight up banned hunting. There is alot that could be said here, if it wasn't for my British House of Commons Tyrranical Policy A.D.D. I know that I'll be rooting for John Jackson, who promises "true civil disobedience," in continuing the sport despite the ban. Only because it would entertain me to see how far Britain goes to protect the stupid foxes, and how far fox hunters will go before taking up another hobby. This could end up being the next Braveheart. "Freeedom!!!" "Foxes!!!" "Aauggh!" *Gruesome battle ensues; cut to baby foxes being squished by British tanks.*

Travel Distance Tax?

2004-11-17T13:22:00.000-08:00

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on Monday appointed a new Department of Motor Vehicles director who has advocated taxing motorists for every mile they drive — by placing tracking devices in their cars.

Welcome to California. Apparently the state isn't making enough money on the gasoline tax, they are wanting to switch to a system where you are taxed for every mile you drive. Instead of taxing the amount of gas you use, they will actually tax the distance you drive. Honestly, I don't know what to think of this. It's a tax, so I hate it, but it's merely replacing another tax, so I guess it depends on whether I save money or not. In a way it makes me laugh. All of these Liberals who love taxes so much have been advocating more fuel efficient vehicles. Now we aren't getting enough money from taxing gasoline, so state officials want to install a GPS tracking device on every vehicle in the state in order to compensate for the effects of the anti-SUV sentiment. It's just like their big push for a ban on cigarrettes which would cut them off of a huge chunk of over-tax revenue. But anyway, I drive alot, but I guess the taxes are paid at the pump anyway. I don't think this is going to lower anyone's taxes. It's just going to prevent their beloved hybrid-car owners from getting any breaks. In other words, the driver of a Toyota Prius has to pay just as much of a travel tax as the guy driving the new International CXT. Hmm, I could actually see myself supporting an idea like this. If only it wasn't a tax. If they switch it from a tax to a fee, and it doesn't cost me as much to drive up and down the state, I might be in on this. I'm not cool with the idea of charging more taxes for freeway use, or for use of busier streets. That would just clog up side streets, and make problem areas out of places that aren't built to handle high-volume traffic.

My Screen Door Theory

2004-11-16T10:55:00.000-08:00

Why is it that education seems to make people more Liberal? Do the educated know something that the rest of the populace doesn't? Obviously they do, because they are educated, which would leave some to believe that Conservatives are the ignorant ones. This didn't make sense to me, because it's clear that Liberals are so wrong, so often. So what's the deal? Here it is as I see it. When you go for your higher education, you are taught to have an open mind. You learn to reason the other side of a debate, and realize that nothing is black and white. It's all relative. Now, I'm all for opening the door to my mind, but I do make sure that the screen door is shut at all times. This special door filters out all of the bogus nonesense that is being fed to us everyday, especially in settings where we are prepared to be enlightened. This door is constructed out of heavy duty morality, and extra-strength common sense, and keeps my open mind from being infested with wild ideas that don't make any sense. Those who recieve higher education, unfortunately, think that achieving a higher education means opening both doors to your mind, and abondoning things like common sense and morality. This is why uneducated conservatives scratch their heads as those who have spent so much money on their college education seem to have taken a step backwards, questioning what is and isn't a sexual organ, whether it's right or wrong to kill babies, etc. These modern-day sophists may have gotten a pricy education, but as Socrates puts it: Immorality equals Ignorance.

Here is a good example of this screen door theory. Over the weekend I got into a debate with a friend of mine after he said that "Terrorism isn't always wrong." I couldn't believe it. Now, he doesn't support terrorism, and he could not cite one example in history where this is the case. All he had was a hypothetical situation involving a hospital, and some vague circumstances. He said the bottom line is that it isn't black and white, and we have to keep an open mind. It's Terrorism! I'd like to think that if we could agree on anything being black and white, it'd be terrorism! But alas, upon the death of Yasser Arafat we have had world leaders, and left wingers praising him has a peacemaker, and a good leader. He was a terrorist, people. In fact he was the father of modern terrorism. What are we doing? Why are so many people in Liberal circles coming out in support for the Palestinians who use car bombs, and strap bombs around their chests to explode them on busses? I don't think people in this country support terrorist attacks on innocent people. It just looks that way to the rest of us, who have our screen doors firmly in place. We can have an open mind about terrorism. We can learn how terrorists operate, what makes them tick, why they want to blow themselves up, etc. But as soon as we start sympathizing with them, it's over. So next time you see some pea-brained liberal on TV preaching the virtues of having an open mind about anything and everything, remember that there are two doors to your mind. One should stay open to let the rain of knowledge flood your mind. The other should stay closed, to keep all the junk out. Wow, I wrote way too much about this. Normally I'd feel like inserting a sarcastic remark about Simon and Scheuster, and publishing rights, but this post is way too long already.

PCBay

2004-11-15T20:42:00.000-08:00

Ebay is set to ban "racially derrogative" search terms from being used in auction listings. So I guess if you were planning on selling a used copy of Nigger, by Dick Gregory, then you may need to find somewhere else to do so. Is anyone surprised by this? This is another example of corporations limiting free speech in order to look better in the eyes of the public, especially minorities who seem to seek out opportunities to get their feelings hurt. What is this world coming to? Welcome to America. It's called Capitalism, and it's a beautiful thing. If EBay wants to prevent you from putting racial slurs among your search terms, then they can do that, because it is their website. It's not hard to do, it gets them in newspapers and various internet blogs, and it's a great public relations move, boosting their respect among people who don't like racists. Still, even grocery shopping gets incredibly excrutiating when your being forced to listen to a recording of a woman talking down to grocery shoppers about how much the giant grocery chains value minorities, citing various feelgood measures taken by the company on behalf of the warm and friendly tycoons, wherever they may be vacationing. I can only imagine actually being a minority and seething, wishing I could slap the stupid condencending white woman across the face, just to get her to finally shut up. I guess I can understand Ebay's decision. Nice move, you've won more hits for your website. But if that monologue I heard in the grocery store fools very many people, I may start losing faith in Martin Luther King's vision of equality. We've moved from racism to a more covert racial chauvanism, and many people still don't understand what it means to be created equal.